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4/11/2003                                                                                       View Comments

Duel of the Demigods

Dave: In honor of the hilarious "God -Of- The -Month " Club, I humbly submit the following battle of the modern deities for your amusement. Best, Robert

To all of you fight fans out there, I don't need to remind you what a truly historic match-up this upcoming Duel of the Demigods is shaping up to be. Each fighter has his own strengths and weaknesses, and their differing styles and abilities should make this a classic bout.

Let's take a closer look at the two fighters and see how they compare.

Superman hails from the planet Krypton, and his actual name is Kal-El. El is of course Hebrew for God, so Superman's real name is God Kal, who is the Son of God Jor. Although his secret identity is that of Clark Kent, a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper, he fights a never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

Jesus Christ hails from Palestine by way of Egypt, Babylon, Sumeria, and any number of ancient prehistoric cultures. His secret identity is that of a small, round, flat, bland and inoffensive wafer. However, he too fights for Truth, Justice, and the American Way.

Superman is faster than a speeding bullet.
Jesus can instantaneously disappear and reappear in another locality.

Superman is more powerful than a locomotive.
Jesus can call upon twelve legions of angels.

Superman can change the course of mighty rivers.
Jesus can walk on that river.

Superman can bend steel in his bare hands.
Jesus can wither a fig tree with just a few words.

Superman can leap tall buildings with a single bound.
Jesus can levitate into the air, but no one knows how high because clouds always obscure his ascent.

Jesus can raise the dead.
Superman can fly faster than the speed of light, traveling into the past, and prevent the death from ever occurring.

Jesus can even raise himself from the dead.
Superman has raised himself from the dead.

No one is stoopid enough to believe Superman is real.
Billions have been stoopid enough to believe Jesus is real.

So, comic-book fight fans, how does this one shape up? Like a real Classic to me!

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