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6/14/2004                                                                                       View Comments

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE A (CHRISTIAN) FUNDAMENTALIST

(found on www.evilbible.com)

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of
gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when
someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists
say that people evolved from other life forms, but you
have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were
created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem
believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the
"atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even
flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all
the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the
elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" --
including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and
Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have
no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated
Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed,
came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little
loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth
(4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with
believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting
in their tents and guessing that Earth is a couple of
generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet
with the exception of those who share your beliefs --
though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend
Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet
consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and
physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot
rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be
all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it
comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be
evidence that prayer works. And you think that the
remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and
agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church
history - but still call yourself a Christian.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

When looking at the title of this list, its clear that whoever made this list didnt have a full grasp of what it means to be a Fundamentalist Christian. True, many of the items are those famous from the fundamentalist agenda, but many of them are also aspects in which all Christians share views, be they Anglican, Methodist, Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, etc. In fact, after reading, I have decided that a more apt title might have been Top Ten Signs Youre a Christian and Act Like One. It seems that if youre a faithful Christian, youre automatically a fundamentalist (mostly).

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

The first item on this list attacks apparent hypocrisy on the part of Christians. Apparently, saying that your religion is accurate makes you hypocritical. Seems a bit silly, doesnt it? For the sake of argument, lets assume that a religion and all its beliefs are 100% real/true. Now assume that because of this, all other religions are false. Sure, those other religions may have good morals and value systems. They may even preach peace. Regardless (for the sake of argument), they worship false Gods. Is it not the duty of those members of the one true faith to convert those that arent members of the one true faith? What good is salvation when you cant share it with your friends, family, and loved ones? If I were sure that I would be granted paradise, wouldnt I want to take as many people there with me?

I think we can all agree, though, that every religion believes themselves to be the correct religion. No one would be a part of a religion if they thought it was false. However, ..10 attacks Christians who defend their religion, even if they become outraged in the process. How terrible of them for wanting people to be in heaven with them. For shame!

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

The author here makes the mistake of assuming Gods actions take place within the realms of science. They can, but do not always. God works within the realm of science, but he is also the Lord. God, by definition, is perfect and all-powerful. Then quite simply, he could create life from dirt if he chose to.

Besides, evolutionists claim that life began when matter formed with other matter randomly in the universe to form single-celled organisms with their own genetic codes. These single-celled organisms branched out and out millions of times. Eventually, one of those branches became humans. Hence, in evolution we are formed by matter as well, just not dirt. Chemicals from space and dirt we hear about in the bible are both matter in the end.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

The author of the list wants you to think that Christians must be hypocrites. After all, how can we condemn polytheism if we are polytheists ourselves? Actually, the definition of triune is one in three. The definition of polytheism is the belief in or worship of more than one God. Well, Christians do worship one God. God, however, is also three entities. God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit dont each comprise one-third of God. Each is fully God, one hundred percent. This very concept works outside of the realm of science, obviously. However, God by definition is all-powerful (as mentioned above). Christ himself said that those who have seen him have also seen his father, implying that he and the Father were one. Yet by the same token, he also often prayed to God the Father, implying that they were of separate entities (see John 14:9, Luke 11:1-4).

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

Since God the Father (the God/Jehovah referred to in the Old Testament) is the same as Jesus Christ (from the New Testament), there would seemingly be a contradiction. God the father seems angry and vengeful, while Jesus Christ seems loving and peaceful. However, Christians believe in something known as righteous anger. Righteous anger is the concept of morally just anger. Righteous anger is what Jesus exhibited when overturning tables when he discovered merchants selling goods in his fathers temple (Matthew 21:13, Mark 11:17, Luke 19:46). It is acceptable for any human to exhibit righteous anger. However, wrath that comes from that righteous anger is not acceptable to us. Wrath is, though, acceptable for God to use. God says that vengeance is his alone.

God used this vengeance plenty of times throughout the centuries against those who disobeyed him, including the Egyptians, who had enslaved Gods chosen people (the Israelites) and were killing Israeli newborn infants. God gave them Moses as a messenger to warn the Egyptians. After several attempts at peace, God sent unnatural plagues upon them, including water turning to blood, insects, boils, etc. The Pharaoh even had promised Moses that he would let the Israelites go if he would ask God to stop the plagues. He broke those promises. After all this, God took the lives of every firstborn in every Egyptian family in one nights time. Sure, its not comforting to think God killed some children to prove a point, but it was a last resort. Many of those children were innocents, and Christians entrust that God would show them infinite mercy because of their innocence. God judges perfectly, and innocents are never held accountable of their sin.

The same goes for the innocents found in Joshua. The author points out that God had his chosen people slaughter women and trees too! Women could easily have been as war mongering as the men involved in the slaughter. As for trees, even Christ killed a tree (Matthew 21:19). Those ethnic groups that were killed included the Chanaanites. According to the ancient Assyrian and Egyptian writings and excavations by the Palestine Exploration Fund, we learn much. The Chanaanites, in addition to occupying land that God had promised to some other people, were worshipping false Gods, sacrificing their own infants, and worshipping phallic symbols.

In short, God is merciful to those who can, could, and do seek his mercy. However, since innocents may be too young to seek his mercy, they are not culpable in any way. God is just. Innocents may die, but they cannot seek Gods mercy due to their given age. Hence, we trust that God shows them his infinite love and care on them.

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

The big difference here is that when the Greeks talked about gods sleeping with women, they mean that the god (Zeus for example) came down from mount Olympus in human form to have sexual intercourse with a female. The Holy Spirit never came to her in human form, and certainly never had sexual intercourse with her. She merely conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, which is God (Luke 1:26-38).

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

Actually, I have no arguments with ..5. Bravo, author. We can infer that the events of creation in the book of Genesis (the first book of the bible) are symbolic. However, I will note that many atheists take this opportunity to then say the entire Bible then must have been made to be symbolic. Not so. Ancient Jewish and Roman records, as well as archaeology coincide with the historical events of most of the bible.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

Well, I will say that not all Christian sects believe that all other religions are going to hell. Even in fundamentalist Christian sects, most will agree that those who never have heard about the life of Jesus wont be held responsible for converting (for example, members of a tribe in some remote area of the planet).
Personally, I wouldnt say Christianity is tolerant at all. If a fellow Christian were to say such a thing, I would correct him. Tolerance allows evil to slip its way into this world in order to desecrate the world God intended. A modern Christian leader once said, America, it is said, is suffering from intolerance. It is not. It is suffering from tolerance of right and wrong, truth and error, virtue and evil, Christ and chaos. Our country is not nearly so much overrun with the bigoted as it is overrun with the broadminded. If anything, we need to be more intolerant of evil in the world. Human slave trafficking, ethnic cleansing, abortion, euthanasia, gay marriages, war, the arms race, and multitudes of other evils occur in todays world. These are things Christians need to be intolerant of, period.

As for Hell, the Bible shows us that God works in covenants. If youre unfamiliar, a covenant is a contract. Ill do (a) if you do (b). Gods final covenant occurred when Christ announced it at the last supper (Luke 20:22, Mark 14:24, Matthew 26:28). Christ would die for the sins of the world, but in return, we must do as he asks of us. What will happen to those who sin? Sadly, there is eternal sorrow, anguish, pain, and suffering (Matthew 5:29, Matthew 10:28, Mark 9:47, Revelation 20:13-15).

The opportunity for salvation is available for all who seek it. There should be no surprises when we all inevitably die. Why risk the chance of living selfishly when the kingdom of heaven is so readily accessible?

Much like the student who gets the failing grade, he is apt to say, My teacher gave me a failing grade. In reality, the student gave himself the failing grade. God doesnt put people in hell. You put yourself in hell. I pray you make the right choice. Choose Christ above all things.

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

Id love to meet the person who proved Christianity by watching some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in tongues, but Im willing to bet he doesnt exist. The author of this list fails to realize that Christians believe God (as in God the father) to be a being of pure spirit. The spirit is not something testable by scientific methods. To say then, that it does not exist, is silly. In fact, living by seeing is believing is unfruitful. Christ himself addressed this issue in John 20: 24-29, long before modern science existed.

The author assumed that since geology (?), biology, and physics havent yet proven that God exists, he must not exist. Thats a common reason that atheists give for being atheists. I believe in love as something very real, but it is not something I see. Yes, we can put me in a machine that reads my brainwaves while I feel the emotion of love, and I can see which parts of my brain are activated, but that doesnt negate loves existence as something very real (or hate, hunger, lust, humility, etc.). As for history, history has done nothing but help show that many of the events of the bible did exist. Look up the study of biblical archaeology sometime. Youll be glad you did.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

I love ..2 the most. Since when is there a success rate percentage of prayer? Im almost convinced the 0.01% number is fabricated. If it isnt, Im sure the source is pretty unreliable. Besides, prayer isnt and shouldnt always be about what you want. Its about learning to come to know who God is and learning to develop a relationship with the Lord.

Besides, what if a thousand people pray to be elected the President of the USA? Even if you acknowledge Gods existence, you must admit that not everyone can hold the position of President. We can ask God for things (I do it all the time), but theres never a guarantee that they will be granted. If you assume they will be, Christianity isnt for you. Only God knows what is best for us, his will trumps the will of all men. Hours before Christs passion and crucifixion, he prayed to God the Father that there would be some other way to save humanity without his humiliation, suffering, and death (Matthew 26:39, Luke 22:42). Was his prayer granted? No! If God the Father wouldnt permit the wishes of his own Son, who is also God, what makes you think hell always answer ours?

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Really? Im willing to bet that overall, more Christians know more about the bible than atheists or agnostics. In fact, I think the author of this list ran out of things to put, and decided to try to sum it all up in one last question (a list of nine items seems sort of incomplete without a nice, even ten).

Giving the author the benefit of the doubt, I will admit that yes, there are many Christians who know little about the bible. Im equally as sure some atheists and agnostics know a lot about the bible. However, the bible-ignorant person can still be considered a true Christian.

By definition, a Christian is someone who believes that the historical man named Jesus was indeed God and savior. If I spend my life as a Muslim and never look into other religions, and for whatever reason convert to Christianity on my deathbed, Im still a Christian, even though I know nothing of the bible. Hence, the author flaws here, as well.

Anonymous said...

Interesting how the Christian "defender" of religion exhibits such bizarre and irrational thinking, proving the point of the original post. The problem is that superstitious and deluded thinking will cause Christians to answer everything with totally absurd statements, but they are so in the realm of delusion that they will never know how insane they sound to people outside of their fantasy world.

Anonymous said...

Ten Signs That You Are A Fanatical Atheist

1. You vigorously deny the existence of God, but are outraged when someone asks this God (whom you believe to be non existent) to bless you or your country, or even mentions him in public. http://www.cnsnews.com/ViewCulture.asp?Page=\Pentagon\archive\200301\PEN20030128a.html
http://www.rutherford.org/Issues/FreeSpeech.asp
http://www.rutherford.org/articles_db/legal_features.asp?article_id=74
http://www.crosswalk.com/1203215/


2. You assume the Theory of Evolution is a fact, and see any educator who doesn’t believe in it as inferior or not a true scientist.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/20/intelligent.design/index.html
http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53330

3. You laugh at theists, but have no problem believing that this perfect universe was created by an explosion.
http://nowscape.com/big-ban2.htm
http://www.luminet.net/~wenonah/new/bigbang.htm

4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” committed by Christians and religious people, but you think nothing of the millions more than have been killed in the name of ideology or land, led by Atheists like Hitler, Stalin, and.Mao Zedong.
http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/killergod.php
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/1121/p09s01-coop.html
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1411041/posts
http://www.trueorigin.org/hitler01.asp
http://www.geocities.com/mikem2u/hitler.html
Note: There are those today who find it convenient to claim that Hitler was a devout Christian. Careful, open minded study of the last two links mentioned should be sufficient to settle this misunderstanding. Hitler’s participation and supposed belief in Christianity was nothing more than a political ploy to win the hearts of Germans.

5. You claim that Jesus Christ never existed, despite the mountainous evidence to the contrary.
http://www.christian-faith.com/html/page/did_jesus_exist
http://www.bede.org.uk/jesusmyth.htm
http://www.tektonics.org/jesusexist/jesusexisthub.html

6. You are willing to spend your life looking for missing links and answers that you hope will explain Evolution, but ridicule the scientific theory of Intelligent Design.
http://www.duncanproductions.com/SBCOC/faq/evidence_against_evolution.html
http://www.allaboutcreation.org/evidence-against-evolution-faq.htm
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/bowdenmalcolm/evol.htm
http://www.evolution-facts.org/Ev-V3/3evlch21.htm

7. You assume that Christians believe that those who do not share their exact beliefs will spend their Eternity in an infinite Hell and Suffering, simply because the author of this presentation said so. You file numerous lawsuits to take away the First Amendment rights of Christians, but consider yourself “tolerant” of other people’s opinions. Public officials do not waive their right to freedom of religion and free speech.

In general, Christians believe that God, and only God, will judge the living and the dead. God is loving, kind, and merciful, be he is also just (and more so than any mortal can be, because he knows the intentions of the heart). Heaven would not be Heaven if God allowed evil people in it.

8. You ignore or ridicule modern scientists, historians, geologists, biologists, and physicists who try to work together with apologetics and theologians to show that The Bible does not contradict any of these sciences. You then write your “findings” on the internet in an effort to “disprove” Christianity.

http://www.csinfo.org/Science_and_the_Scriptures.htm

Many contradictions or errors that are said to be “found” in The Bible can be exposed here.
http://contenderministries.org/discrepancies/contradictions.php#5

In this information age, just about any “error” or “contradiction” you can find in The Bible can easily be made clear with a little bit of research. No, you don’t have to be a Hebrew or Greek scholar. A good research site should give you the Concordance reference as well as the original word used in the manuscripts, so that you can look it up yourself and make sure you’re not being misled.

9. You misunderstand God as being some sort of genie that is obligated to answer each request exactly the way it is given.

When I hear arguments like this, I can’t help but remember the scene from “Bruce Almighty” where prayers are piling up and Jim Carrey decides it would be more efficient to answer all the prayers. But the next thing you know there is a riot because millions of people won the lottery and received 17 cents each. Causing the guy that cut you off in traffic to drive off a cliff shouldn’t be too difficult, right? God, in his wisdom, does not answer all prayers (including those that may be made in anger or with selfish intents).

You may have heard of the failure of the “Great Prayer Experiment”. What you may not know is that two double blind studies had been done before, and both showed that prayer improved the health of hospital patients. More on this can be found here: http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/the_god_delusion2.php#n10

In closing, God knows what is best for us in each circumstance, and does according to his will because it is in our best interests.

“Neither [party] anticipated that the cause of the conflict [slavery] might cease with, or even before, the conflict itself should cease. Each looked for an easier triumph, and a result less fundamental and astounding. Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes His aid against the other. It may seem strange that any men should dare to ask a just God's assistance in wringing their bread from the sweat of other men's faces; but let us judge not that we be not judged. The prayers of both could not be answered; that of neither has been answered fully. The Almighty has His own purposes.”

Abraham Lincoln, during his Second Inaugural Address on March 4, 1865.


10. Currently your main source of information on Christianity is the internet, and you primarily use atheist sites.




“Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding.”
Mahatma Gandhi

“Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that every man present his views without penalty there must be spirit of tolerance in the entire population”.- Albert Einstein

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly, and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true. "- Dr. Martin Luther King

Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by subduing the freeness of speech. - Benjamin Franklin

He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself. - Thomas Paine

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. – Robert F Kennedy

Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance. – Bill Maher

Whether you are a believer or an unbeliever, please remember that radicalism will do none among us any good. Please remember that you live in a diverse society and occasionally people will do things that offend you, and you will do things that offend other people. That is free speech, and free expression. You have a right
to it, and so do those who you do not agree with.

.:webmaster:. said...

Top ten signs you are a fanatical fundamentalist.(A response to the poster above.):

1. You vigorously declare the existence YOUR God and are outraged when someone is offended because NO god should be invoked at events funded with public dollars.

2. You assume the Theory of Evolution is fallacious and see any educator who teaches it as demon possessed or not open to seriously considering ancient religious myths as the REAL TRUTH.

3. You shake your head at skeptics, but have no problem believing that our violent, unpredictable universe, filled with death and disease, was magically POOFED into existence by YOUR loving, omnipotent deity. You do not understand modern scientific explanations, so you resort to YOUR ancient mythology to explain things. But, you never offer any evidence that YOUR myth holds any validity. In fact, you outright reject all other ancient creation myths with barely a thought. And your only support for YOUR myth is YOUR inability to understand modern science.

4. You barely blink when you hear of the "atrocities" being committed all over the world and throughout history because this world is ending – heaven is what REALLY matters. You think nothing of the millions that have been killed by Christians and in the name of Christian ideology for 2,000 years because "None of them were real Christians."

5. You claim that Jesus Christ existed, despite a complete lack of evidence. You will site a few sentences from ancient books that acknowledge the existence of Christians and use those to allege. "If there were Christians back then, then Jesus must have existed." Yet, when people point out that Mormons exist, therefore the angel Moroni must exist, you think they are ridiculous.

6. You are willing to spend your life looking for holes in evolution which you hope will make your religious creation myth pass as a scientific theory.

7. You assume that Christians who do not share your exact beliefs will spend their Eternity in an infinite Hell and Suffering, or some facsimile thereof because the Bible says so. You see no problem with most of humanity being tormented by a despot, as long as you get to yuck it up with the despot forever.

You are incapable of understanding how dangerous it is to allow ANY religion to dominate publicly funded forums. You talk a lot about the freedom of speech, but what you mean by the term is the freedom to establish a domineering Christian theocratic society. If it were Islamists demanding the right to infuse Muslim prayer and commandments into every public event, you might finally get it.

8. You ignore or ridicule modern scientists, historians, geologists, biologists, and physicists who realize that apologists and theologians are religious people who are desperate to find any evidence to support their religion. When you do happen upon a handful of apparently religiously-minded scientists, you celebrate them as having actually proven the validity your creation myth.

9. You understand YOUR God as being faithful to HIS repeated promises to answer prayer, yet you present excuse after excuse for why prayers are not answered.

10. You are convinced that everyone who does not believe as you do must be either ignorant or stupid. It never occurs to you that there are literally thousands of people who have been faithful, devoted, and well-studied Christians for decades that make educated decisions to leave your cult.