4/24/2004                                                                                       View Comments

Top 130 (plus or minus) ways to irritate an ex-Christian

* 1. Ask them why they are bitter against God.
* 2. Tell them that they might as well go out and kill people if there's no God.
* 3. Ask them to pray with you.
* 4. Invite their children to go to church with you.
* 5. Insist that there is a God and show them in the Bible where it says so.
* 6. Hide Chick tracts in clever places around their office.
* 7. Tell them that the Universe is too complex to "Just Exist" and must have been created by a God who "Just Exists"
* 8. Make up statistics to help prove Christianity.
* 9. End a discussion with "Well, you're smarter than me, but I know I'm right."
* 10. Tell them that you feel they're persecuting you.
* 11. Bring up arguments making no sense whatsoever, and criticize their response saying "You're not making sense"
* 12. Use multiple variations of Pascal's Wager and then wonder why the atheist is strangling you.
* 13. Post inane arguments and then never follow up the thread.
* 14. Use the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.
* 15. Say that separation of church and state isn't part of our constitution.
* 16. Consider Dr. Hovind as a legitimate source of information.
* 17. Tell them that they "know in their heart" that God exists.
* 18. Say that we all know things by faith.
* 19. After losing a logical argument, saying "I pity you".
* 20 Accuse them of willfully ignoring the "obvious truth".
* 21 Inform them that Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can "prove" (meaning prove to the complete exclusion of all other possibilities) evolution (meaning a natural, acausal origin of the entire universe) in front of a neutral (hand-picked by Hovind himself) panel of experts (Duane Gish, Ken Ham, Henry Morris, ksc and 6days).
* 22 Call Kent Hovind "Dr" Hovind.
* 22. Use bad math to back up your claims. ("You made that point before, and furthermore you already used #22!" "No I didn't, learn to think out of your closed evo box!")
* 23. Drink the last beer in the fridge.
* 24. Buy natural light to replace the beer you drank. 12a (Corollary). Say, "You know, if I'm right, I go to heaven, but if I'm wrong I've lost nothing" as though you just thought it up.
* 25. Witness for Jesus and completely ignore everything your competition says. 15a. Insist that the Constitution was based on the ten commandments and therefore America is a "Xian country." (What?!)
* 26. Well, I refuted all your evilutionist arguments and tried to save you, but I cannot waste any more time here - you are beyond saving, so I am leaving.
* 27) "Evolutionists are meanies!"
* 28) I don't care what you say or prove, I still have my faith
* 29) That may be what the verse says, but that's not what it means.
* 30) Argue that bible stories are not myths.... they're parables. And every word is true!
* 31) Lead off by saying, "I'm not a physicist so I have little experience in the field, but the big bang theory just doesn't sound right because..."
* 32) Lead off by explaining, "I'm not a geologist like you, but if I were searching for evidence of a great flood..." after already saying they knew nothing of geology.
* 33) Overwhelm competition with knowledge of science, give many examples, "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on a spray can. The nozzle is the entropy."
* 34) Use alot of Latin!
* 35) Explain how the KJV Bible is THE bible, ignoring questions as to what saved people used before 1611.
* 36) Explain how King James wrote the King James Bible.
* 37) Explain how Moses wrote the Books of Moses.
* 38) Explain how just because there is no proof doesn't mean it didn't happen. You can't believe we have all knowledge, can you? So you have to admit it is possible we haven't found the evidence yet, but it does exist.
* 39) Physics can only tell us what happened to 10^-43 seconds after the big bang. So that is clearly E Pluribus Unum and God does exist a priori cum laude.
* 40) Blame absolutely everything wrong in society on the theory of evolution. Even things which predate 1859, like slavery.
* 41) Repeat something as if that makes it true.
* 42) Repeat something as if that makes it true.
* 42) Repeat something as if that makes it true.
* 43. Argue that atheists acknowledge the death of Christ every time they write the date "AD," which of course stands for "After Death."
* 43a.) Argue that the inclusion of AD in the Declaration of Independence proves that this is a Christian nation. (Pat Robertson actually did this)
* 44) You're not really an atheist. You really aren't 100% positive God doesn't exist, so you're really only an agnostic. Admit it. Of course, as a theist, I am 100% sure God exists.
* 45) The Bible is meant to be taken literally! Except that verse you showed me.
* 46) God works in mysterious ways
* 47) We're too small to comprehend God's reasoning
* 48) Be careful not to think of God as he 'should be'
* 48."The fact of you talking about him, or denying his existence proves you wrong." Yes, of course, the mermaids, dragons, and unicorns live in an island far, far away...
* 49."I'll take you to church this weekend." Like you go all the time.
* 50. Claim that something exists (the sea, Mount Everest, dog crap, anything) and then say "therefore god exists."
* 51. Say that a plane crashed killing 300 passengers and crew, but a little girl survived with only third degree burns. Then argue that this miracle proved the existence of a loving and merciful God.
* 52) insist that since there is so much archaeological digging going on in the holy land Jesus must have existed
* 53) say "the Shroud of Turin and the Ark are real, I saw a special on Fox"
* 54) "How DARE you question the morality of God" (after being shown a verse supporting genocide)
* 55) Tell your atheistic, backsliding children, "I raised you to be smarter than that." Along the lines of #s 46 thru 48: "Ours is not to question..."
* 56) Punch them in the face - real REAL hard.
* 57) The bible is scientific. I have already proved this.
* 58. Faith is the only logical answer.
* 59) "We all fall short of God's grace"
* 60) Saying that your Bible quotes are evidence but their quotes are "out of context", no matter what they say.
* 61) When they point out that the quotes are in correct context, say you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.
* 62) Tell them that they must study the bible for many years to reject Christianity, but when they point out you that you haven't studied the holy book of the (insert religion here) religion but have rejected the (insert same religion here) anyway, say you have faith and faith is all you need.
* 63)tell them that you know god is real because you feel him watching you and that how can you say god is not real if you cant see the air? Then go on to say faith is all you need, and since you don't have faith, you'll go to hell, and my proof of this is the faith I have that you will. Run in circles with these answers until the atheist is completely exhausted, and then tell them that they will come to know god, that they *really* all ready know him, and in the meanwhile (?) , you'll pray for them. And as you leave, throw a god bless your soul over your shoulder...
* 64) sigh, shake your head slowly and say, "I just know that one day you'll need Jesus, and he'll be there for you"
* 65) talk about how you used to be a miserable, sinning, drug-abusing, alcoholic, sex-addicted, spouse-beating criminal, until you found Gawd; because you could not have seen the light without hea-im, amen!
* 66. Have your user name as Eternal "why can't you believe it? I can!!!"
* 67) Knock on their door at 9.00am on Sunday Morning and offer them a free Book of Mormon.
* 68) Tell them that God loves them, even though they don't love themselves.
* 69) (appropriately) Tell them sex is for reproduction purposes only.
* 70) When all else fails, tell them for the gazillionth time about JC's plan about salvation, ignoring everything else,
* 71) When all else fails, resort to refusing to debate. "I don't need to see the table in front of me to know it exists."
* 72) Name a bunch of good, smart Christian people as evidence, but when they name a bunch of good, smart atheist people in rebuttal, call them stupid.
* 73) Tell them that there's a lot of evidence for God, and then refer them to www.chick.com and www.drdino.com.
* 74. There is hard science in the bible just now being discovered, so God must exist.
* 75: Attribute everything from four-legged insects on conflicting genealogies of Jesus to mistranslation and then pull up a mistranslation as evidence that Jesus was predicted by the OT (Isaiah (sp?) I believe said that Israel would be delivered or something in the time that it took for a young woman's child to grow up only to have the "young woman" mistranslated to "virgin")
* 76: When shown that the Bible says that Pi = 3 say that the Hebrews didn't know anything about science so its not their fault, but when shown the beginning on Genesis...
* 84. Smile smugly and say, "There are no atheists in foxholes."
* 85. Smile smugly and quote Psalm 14:1 "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.' They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good."
* 86. Give them the very special gift of their very own "paraphrased" modern bible
* 85a. ...and then tell him you think highly of him, and want to be his friend.
* 87. Look at Dave's formatted theology page as a collection of successful proofs of God's existence. http://members.xoom.com/silentdave/theology.html
* 88. Use Bayes' Theorem to prove God exists, and refuse to admit that the probabilities you're using assume the existence of God.
* 88) Confuse and equate religious faith with scientific faith (i.e., "scientists have faith that there are multiple universes") and then claim "we are in the same boat, metaphysically."
* 89) Claim that archeology is proof that the Bible is "true."
* 90) Use logic incorrectly and misconstrue the terms in order to prove why logic does not work.
* 91) Claim that logic is the atheist's god.
* 92) Claim that atheism is a "belief" just like theism, rather than the lack of a belief.
* 93) Use the phrase, "most scholars agree" to support your ludicrous contentions
* 94) Use nothing but circuitous reasoning.
* 95) Claim it is the atheist who uses circuitous reasoning
* 96) State that circuitous reasoning is legitimate due to circuitous reasoning being legitimate.
* 97) (variation on above) Ask for proof that the Bible is not a work of non-fiction and then claim that because there is no proof that the Bible is not non-fiction, it is therefore non-fiction.
* 98) Use, "Hate the sin, not the sinner" as a blanket response to the notion that Christianity is at fault, not necessarily the individual Christian.
* 99) State that Christianity has done a lot of "good" along with the "bad" (aka, mass murder).
* 100) When asked to explain the Trinity, compare it to something simple, like "water" and then misunderstand that you have incorrectly labeled the constructs of your own analogy so that the explanation becomes even more convoluted than the original concept, then dismiss the whole thing with, "you've just got to have faith."
* 101. On hearing someone is an atheist, jump back reflexively, to avoid singeing when lightning strikes! (True story)
* 102. End all your posts with John 3:16.
* 101a) When someone admits that he's an atheist, give him a look as if he were a diseased leper who just spit in your eye.
* 98a) [for the outrageously daring irritator only] What the heck - the Bible never says to separate the sin and sinner - so "Don't call me I'll call you - and keep your perverted-sexual-activity body away from *mine* thank you very much!!!" (TRUE at least in part)
* 107. Claim that although God chooses who is going to heaven and humans have *nothing to do with it*, at the same time each person who is going to hell goes there because he/she sinned.
* 108. Claim that the only reason atheists accuse God of being unloving is that they don't know Him.
* 109. Claim that whatever an atheist says is not worthy of consideration because the Bible says atheists can't discern what's true anyway.
* 110. Offer inane apologetics books thinking they are actually going to do something other than convince the atheists Christians are even more stupid than they hoped...
* 111. Patiently explain that the 42 children that were torn to bits by two she-bears were not really children, but the ancient equivalent of a bikie gang.
* 112. When asked if they would sacrifice their own child for God respond with "yes, but God would never ask me to do that.
* 113. Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never in danger of gang rape, and that Lot knew this all along.
* 114. Most carefully explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.
* 115) If you truly seek God, you will find Him.
* 116) God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is no.
* 117) Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.
* 119. Say that the atheist cannot love anyone. That is why he cannot believe in a loving God.
* 120: Offer to drive, then insist on listening to "Christian Talk Radio"
* 121) State that you must go to the original intent of the authors in order to figure out what they really meant
* 124) Vehemently claim that the theory of evolution is incompatible with theism, then turn around and blame the theory for promoting atheism.
* 125) Resolutely refuse to give up, claiming that whatever sin they throw at you, you sinned worse and look at you now!!! As Christian as the day is long!!! So there's hope for them yet!
* 126) Claim that Darwin recanted the entire theory of evolution and became a Christian on his deathbed.
* 127) Claim that "Einstein was a Christian"
* 128) Tell your reprobate son that he will "come around" like his sister did.. when she got confirmed simply to be able to get married in a big church.
* 129) Say that you know God exists. It is up to the unbelievers to prove God doesn't exist.
* 130) Say that evolution is not proven. Therefore the scriptures are correct.
* 131) Ask what you DO believe in, if you don't believe in God.
* 131b) then insist that non-belief is also a world view, therefore there is no such thing as an atheist or ex-Christian & xtianity is true

Add yours !

4/10/2004                                                                                       View Comments

Easter Facts, Quotes and a Quiz For You!

this article reposted from Father Dan's Blog

I was going to save this until Sunday but then I started thinking - "Gee, this could be fun to discuss in church, after church at brunch - maybe Friday night during family fun time. . . ." After all, the Bible is the infallible, divinely-inspired word of God, right? The entire Christian religion is based on the resurrection of the Christ - so we know that part of the Good Book will be very accurate! The very crux of the argument for Christianity being the one true religion is that it is the only religion in which the Saviour actually rose from the dead to fulfill prophecy- so let's have a little fun:

Father Dan's Easter Quiz:

1. Who first came to the tomb on Sunday morning?
a. one woman (John 20:1)
b. two women (Matt. 28:1)
c. three women (Mark 16:1)
d. more than three women (Luke 23:55-56; 24:1,10)

2. She (they) came
a. while it was still dark (Matt. 28:1; John 20:1)
b. after the sun had risen (Mark 16:2)

3. The woman (women) came to the tomb
a. to anoint the body of Jesus with spices (Mark 16:1-2; Luke 24:1)
b. just to look at it (Matt. 28:1; John 20:1)

4. The women had obtained the spices
a. on Friday before sunset (Luke 23:54-56; 24:1)
a. after sunset on Saturday (Mark 16:1)

5. The first visitor(s) was/were greeted by
a. an angel (Matt. 28:2-5)
b. a young man (Mark 16:5)
c. two men (Luke 24:4)
d. no one (John 20:1-2)

6. The greeter(s)
a. was sitting on the stone outside the tomb (Matt 28:2)
b. was sitting inside the tomb (Mark 16:5)
c. were standing inside the tomb (Luke 24:3-4)

7. After finding the tomb empty, the woman/women
a. ran to tell the disciples (Matt. 28:7-8; Mark 16:10; Luke 24:9; John 20:2)
b. ran away and said nothing to anyone (Mark 16:8)

8. The risen Jesus first appeared to
a. Mary Magdalene alone (John 20:14; Mark 16:9)
b. Cleopas and another disciple (Luke 24:13,15,18)
c. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary (Matt. 28:1,9)
d. Cephas (Peter) alone (1 Cor. 15:4-5; Luke 24:34)

9. Jesus first appeared
a. somewhere between the tomb and Jerusalem (Matt. 28:8-9)
b. Just outside the tomb (John 20:11-14)
c. in Galilee - some 80 miles (130 Km) north of Jerusalem (Mark 16:6-7)
d. on the road to Emmaus - Miles (11 Km) west of Jerusalem (Luke 24:13-15)
e. we are not told where (Mark 16:9; 1 Cor. 15:4-5)

10. The disciples were to see Jesus first
a. in Galilee (Mark 16:7; Matt. 28:7,10,16)
b. in Jerusalem (Mark 16:14; Luke 24:33,36; John 20:19; Acts 1:4)

11. the disciples were told that they would meet the risen Jesus in Galilee
a. by the women, who had been told by an angel of the Lord, then by Jesus himself after the resurrection (Matt. 28:7-10; Mark 16:7)
b. by Jesus himself, before the crucifiction (Mark 26:32)

12. The risen Jesus
a. wanted to be touched (John 20:27)
b. did not want to be touched (John 20:17)
c. did not mind being touched (Matt. 28:9-10)

13. Jesus ascended to Heaven
a. the same day that he was resurrected (Mark 16:9,19; Luke 24:13,28-36,50-51)
b. forty days after the resurrection (Acts 1:3,9)
c. we are not told that he ascended to Heaven at all (Matt. 28:10, 16-20; John 21:25; the original Gospel of Mark ends at 16:8)

14. The disciples received the Holy Spirit
a. 50 days after the resurrection (Acts 1:3,9)
b. in the evening of the same day as the resurrection (John 20:19-22)

15. The risen Jesus
a. was recognized by those who saw him (Matt. 28:9; Mark 16:9-10)
b. was not always recognizable (Mark 16:12; Luke 24:15-16,31,36-37; John 20:14-15)

16. The risen Jesus
a. was physical (Matt. 28:9; Luke 24:41-43; John 20:27)
b. was not physical (Mark 16:9,12,14; Luke 24:15-16,31,36-37; John 20:19,26; 1 Cor. 15:5-8)

17. The risen Jesus was seen by the disciples
a. presumably only once (Matt. 28:16-17)
b. first by two of them, later by all eleven (Mark 16:12-14; Luke 24:13-15,33,36-51)
c. three times (John 20:19,26; 21:1,14)
d. many times (Acts 1:3)

18. When Jesus appeared to the disciples
a. there were eleven of them (Matt. 28:16-17; Luke 24:33,36)
b. twelve of them (1 Cor. 15:5)


Hey, when has religion ever let facts or figures get in the way of a good quote. If this quiz has in any way shaken your faith, simply open the Bible and pull out sentences at random that make you feel good or (completely out of context) reaffirm any belief you want to hold.

Modern-day Easter is derived from two ancient traditions: one Judeo-Christian and the other Pagan. Both Christians and Pagans have celebrated death and resurrection themes following the Spring Equinox for millennia. Most religious historians believe that many elements of the Christian observance of Easter were derived from earlier Pagan celebrations.

The equinox occurs each year on March 20, 21 or 22. Both Neopagans and Christians continue to celebration religious rituals in the present day. Wiccans and other Neopagans usually hold their celebrations on the day or eve of the equinox. Western Christians wait until the Sunday on or after the next full moon. The Eastern Orthodox churches follow the Julian Calendar, so that their celebration is generally many weeks after that of the Western churches. Read More.

The name "Easter" originated with the names of an ancient Goddess and God. The Venerable Bede, (672-735 CE.) a Christian scholar, first asserted in his book De Ratione Temporum that Easter was named after Eostre (a.k.a. Eastre). She was the Great Mother Goddess of the Saxon people in Northern Europe. Similar "Teutonic dawn goddess of fertility [were] known variously as Ostare, Ostara, Ostern, Eostra, Eostre, Eostur, Eastra, Eastur, Austron and Ausos." 1 Her name was derived from the ancient word for spring: "eastre." Similar Goddesses were known by other names in ancient cultures around the Mediterranean, and were celebrated in the springtime. Some were:

Aphrodite from Cyprus
Astarte, from Phoenicia
Demeter, from Mycenae
Hathor from Egypt
Ishtar from Assyria
Kali, from India
Ostara, a Norse Goddess of fertility. Read More.

But WAIT! Various early church writers, such as Irenaeus (Bishop of Lyons; circa 120 to ?) Justin Martyr (Christian apologist; 100 to 165), Tertullian (Christian theologian; circa 160 to 220 +) concluded that the Pagan/Christian similarities were a Satanic attempt at "diabolical mimicry." Satan was said to have use "plagiarism by anticipation." That is, the Devil replicated the life experiences of Jesus, centuries before his birth. The reason was to confuse the public into thinking that Jesus was merely a copy of previous godmen. Read More

Whooo - thank God for that convenient way to explain everything that offends my religious belief away!

Happy Easter!

4/07/2004                                                                                       View Comments

4/04/2004                                                                                       View Comments

ExChristian.Net On Stage

Pitchu, one of the active members of the open forums, has decided to bestow on ExChristian.Net, as well as those involved with it, a huge compliment.

As some of you may already know, Pitchu is an accomplished playwright. What you may not know is that she desires to devote some of her creative talents and energies toward writing a musical stage presentation illustrating challenges faced by those who leave Christianity. It will be based on stories found right here at ExChristian.Net.

Although the characters in the musical will be creations from the writer’s imagination, the plot will revolve around experiences publicly submitted to this site.

I’ve given my permission for Pitchu to pursue this vision, and in return she has agreed to support the continuation of ExChristian.net with a portion of any compensation the musical may generate. Regardless of whether any financial gain is actually realized, I am excited about publicizing the reality of “ex-Christians” on the stage.

I believe this has become more than just a website, so with that in mind, I want to give the regular posters here an opportunity to voice their opinions on this. If, for example, someone is reluctant to have some portion of their posted stories used in this way, they should post that concern, or contact me very soon, so I can advise Pitchu.

What do you think?