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5/02/2006                                                                                       View Comments

The Atheist's Nightmare?

58 comments:

Ian said...

Well...if they are using bannanas to prove God's existance, then I wonder if all the other tests have been used up. This amused me more then anything else.

If this is what they have to show atheists, then they have nothing to fear.

BoyGod666 said...

Someone needs to do the x-rated version of this...

Interested Atheist said...

This is just sad. You have to feel sorry for the poor schmuck. And there's Kirk on the side, looking on, clearly thinking, "Wow! My hero!"

Anonymous said...

Rrrrrrrrreally. What about the Apple? The Apple doesn't have a non slip surface, or a tab, and when you bite into it, it can be quite messy. What about the grape with a pit in it that can choke you? What about the Coconut? Good luck getting into one of those without any tools. How about the Cashew... which is POISONOUS unless you cook it?

Oh, oh, I get it... God designed the banana, and the rest evolved :)

Alex

theotherian said...

How is this the atheist's worst nightmare? This is my worst nightmare as a Christian! ARGH!

Anonymous said...

What about people with allergic reactions to bananas? Did god give them the allergies in the first place? Why would he make perfect fruit and then not let people eat it? It goes back to the Adam and Eve apple malarky.

tigg13 said...

But, wait a minute. Aren't bananas monkey food? And don't they fit into monkey hands as easily as they do human hands? Wouldn't this be conclusive proof they man evolved from apes?

(I know, I'm not making sense. I'm just trying to lower myself down to their level. ;))

Bill Dearmore said...

It's hard to believe this is real. I thought it was a parody until I read the comments. It's definitely one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

nirrti said...

Watching those two with the sound off, I'd probably mistake them for a couple of monkeys with a banana. Oh, and don't wild bananas, which haven't been genetically altered for consumption, contain big seeds that make them impossible to eat?

I know of one fruit that was made perfect, tomatoes. Because when rotten, they're good for throwing at idiots.....like these two.

Rising_L said...

Hey wait a minute.......What about monkeys??? Their hands are quite similar to ours, They Eat bannanas, They have ridges grooves in their hands.......That means they are similar to us and hence forth EVOLVED into Us.

Rising_L said...

Ah Crap.....Someone already made that point......Damn my lack of patience!!!!

xrayman said...

And then the ultimate proof of Satan.........The Pineapple

Anonymous said...

Where did this video come from? Was it a TV show? Someone knows?

Dano said...

If these two guys really do go around doing this as proof that God did show up around 5 thousand years ago and created everything including the incredible edible banana, I am curious as to how they manage to make a living. They must be living off of an inheritance or something, because their cognitive abilities are so obviously impaired.
Dan ( Who was created because the Dano sperm swam faster than the rest)

xrayman said...

I believe these two douchebags have their program on the Trinity Network.......On the total flip side of these Yahoos, last night I saw an episode of Cosmos for my first time on the Science Channel. Boy it sure isn't hard to tell where Carl Sagan stood on religion. Without actually stating it, he was whole heartedly letting it be known that religion is bullshit. One of his lines was common here. "If God could be created out of nothing, why couldn't the Universe?" Sagan is rolling over laughing in his grave at the banana annology.

.:webmaster:. said...

Here's their website: www.wayofthemaster.com

Anonymous said...

Didn't Zach post a definitive debunking of this silly argument in his blog a while back?

CriscoCake said...

I'm still wondering which one of those two is the banana and which one is the hand, lol!

Ian said...

" Here's their website: www.wayofthemaster.com"

Does the world really need yet another website saying "accept Jesus or go to hell" ? I know i'm sure sick of them.

The fear tactic is ugly, and rear's it's ugly head there, just in a fancy, flashy website.

J. C. Samuelson said...

A "..well-made.." banana. Does this imply there are poorly made bananas? If so, what does that say about design?

I have to agree with Bill Dearmore, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

What made it so funny is that the guy is completely sincere, holding that phallic object and talking about "ease of entry" and perfectly shaped for the mouth. ROFLMAO

Is it just me, or does his buddy look like he's about to crack up?

Nihil said...

Actually, my worst nightmare is a hooker with cold hands...


Hey Ray! Stick my banana in your mouth!

GoneNsane said...

Sorry, but if these two came up to me on the street with those arguments I'd pee myself laughing.

a deist said...

I learned a long time ago not to take kirk & ray seriously......this reminds me why

south2003 said...

We should name this clip "Two guys and a banana"

A banana is shaped like a - you know what and so is a cucumber? Could it be that Gawdd is giving us a hint ?

ChristianFriend said...

I have to admit that the clip is kinda funny and I agree that the way some Christians go about trying to "prove" there is a God are juvenile. As a Christian I believe telling others about God and Jesus should be driven towards relationships. Sharing ideas and discussing what we believe with one another. Understand where the other person is coming from. Attacking people is never a good way to start a conversation nor have I ever seen someone change someone else's mind by using quick easy metaphors. Anyway, just wanted to write in as a Christian and say that I believe Christians as a whole care about everyone. And we only want what is best for your lives. We're not perfect and I'm sorry for those so-called "Christians" whom have given you a bad taste in your mouth. But I, as well as many other Christians, hope you someday return to/find God.

Michelle said...

Haha Xrayman! Yes, that explains the prickly stems at the top. I sometimes nearly stab myself on those suckers. An evil fruit indeed!

Ian said...

christianfriend, I want to thank you for not being a pushy christian tryint to re-convert us. It's too bad not many christians have the modesty you apparently have.

Christian No Friend of Mine said...

Christianfriend, when you said "we only want what is best for your lives," do you have any idea how incredibly arrogant that is? All the insincere sweetness you try to project does not hide that fact. We are adults and we are perfectly capable of taking care of our own lives without you and your fake god. So please back off. And I mean that sincerely.

Jim said...

I didn't watch the video clip. too long to download. However Christians are like bananas in many aspects. They start off green, yellow quickly, and there is not a straight one in the whole bunch. Cheers Jim Lee. Australia

Wade said...

"And we only want what is best for your lives."

No you don't! You are just trying to get brownie points from your biblegod. Not to mention, MY life is MY business.

"We're not perfect and I'm sorry for those so-called "Christians" whom have given you a bad taste in your mouth."

You can not possibly apologize for someone else. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.

How dishonest and insincere....

Wade said...

Same shit.....different flies

Leonard said...

"www.wayofthemaster.com"??

I can´t be the only one who immediately thinks this should be the name of a very kinky porn site.

(And that would be the healthier option in this case...)

Bananas... I love bananas. But then I never denied my simian ancestry, still walking somewhat hunched and having arms which are about two inches too long.

Bananas. Aren´t they like the Smothers Brothers? But they were COMEDIANS. They would have done something like this, but satyrically.

I can´t believe these guys sometimes. How can they take themselves seriously?

At least Ken Ham openly admits his arguments for creationism are moralistic: "No God, no morals". Which is also mistaken, but at leats he admits to a fundamentally emotional basis for his views.

"The banana proves the genius of God."

A thousand ugly reactions spring to mind. One of them is based on the resignation of a Mexican mayor, who laid down his function after his constituants expressed a lack of faith in his capacities. They expressed their feelings by holding him down and forcing him to consume twelve pounds of bananas.

"It´s not going in that end, old boy."

infidel666 said...

Well I'll be a monkeys uncle! The tapered end is to gently separate my tightly sealed lips so my teeth can shear a piece off.
And here I thought the smooth tapered end was for slipping in tight places. ;)ROTF
Now I understand the term brainless idiot.

Mary said...

That was the most asinine video I've ever seen, I was wondering if they were playing that double entendre on purpose or what? What a freaking joke.

Matt said...

And you can tell that god has a sense of humor because slipping on banana peels is fucking hilarious!

And be sure to make that 'o' shape with your mouth when you shove a banana in there. It makes god feel all tingly.

Andy said...

My response to Kirk and his delusional sidekick, Ray Comfort:

http://www.godlessbastard.com/Page.html

Todd said...

You have got to be kidding me.

If people are buying that DVD then Kirk Cameron is goddamn genius.

Are you serious?

Monkeys eat bannanas too you dolts!

Grant it I'm not an athiest, but this video is ridiculously stupid.

Anonymous said...

Christians need constant reminders about how "correct" they are in their world view... because without the reminders, they might actually get a chance to step back and see their religion for what it really is... brainwashing.

Wayne O said...

For me it was all made clear on TV in the '60s:

La la la, lala la la
La la la lala lala la

One banana, two banana,
Three banana, four...
Four bananas make a bunch
And so do many more;
Over hill and highway
The Banana Buggies go,
On their way to bring you
The Banana Splits Show!

La la la, lala la la
La la la lala lala la...

And that's proof enough to make a believer out of me.

Scott said...

That is quite a stretch. I could create an equally ridiculous argument stating that man's hand evolved to fit the banana and it would carry just as much water...

Just another couple of idiot Christians trying to make a buck in the name of God...quacks.

Bruce said...

These guys are idiots. Edible bananas are human bred fruits. Natural bananas do not look anything like the ones we eat and contain a fair amount of stuff that is poison to humans. So in reality, these idiots demonstrate that like a banana bought in a grocery store, god was alos created by man to serve a particular need.

JeffXL said...

Bananas didn't reach the western hemisphere until 1502. God forget to bring this mighty powerful, uh, proof to the New World?

From Wikipedia:

"In 1502, Portuguese colonists started the first banana plantations in the Caribbean and in Central America. As late as the Victorian Era, bananas were not widely known in Europe, although they were available via merchant trade."

Also, concerning the "indicators of inward content," the Brazilians I know eat 'em when they're very black.

Why are all apologists so profoundly stupid?

freedy said...

Has anyone seen "Manafest,with Perry Stone"?....He's selling a dvd on the gigantic caverns/chambers down deep in the earth.These are holding places for the wicked and fallen angels.He claims to have proof of this & also where the lake of fire will be,...."Under the Dead Sea",..where he claims the portals of hell to be located
I find him interesting for I see bi-polar all over this guy.

**** check out Doyle Davidson ,man this guy is losing it bad,....he was preaching under the influence two days ago,..falling off the stage,and totally incoherant.It was freakin funny as hell!

tigg13 said...

jeffxl said, "Why are all apologists so profoundly stupid?"

Take a closer look at the story of Adam and Eve. Original sin was the act of thinking for one's self.

Anonymous said...

Hey tigg13--

Exactly. Amazing how it was the tree of knowledge of good and evil in that myth! God hates intelligence!

Anonymous said...

Oops- that was me, not "Anonymous," who answered.

Wake up, Jeff!

David S. said...

The Atheist's Nightmare?
Banana Phone By: Raffi

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/bananaphone.html

Ding-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling!

Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop!
Boo-ba-doo-ba-doop!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone
I've got this feeling, so appealing,
for us to get together and sing. Sing!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donana phone
It grows in bunches, I've got my hunches,
It's the best! Beats the rest!
Cellular, Modular, Interactivodular!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone
Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop!
Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping panana phone
It's no baloney, it ain't a p(h)ony
My cellular bananular phone!

Don't need quarters, don't need dimes,
to call a friend of mine!
Don't need computer or TV,
to have a real good time!
I'll call for pizza. I'll call my cat.
I'll call the white house, have a chat!
I'll place a call around the world, operator get me Beijing
-jing-jing-jing!

Now tell me how an atheist can argue against the complexity of the banana phone it just can't be done. (Sarcasm)

haha

Anonymous said...

I just emailed Mr. Cameron and asked him to explain said video. Wonder if I'll get a response. Here's what I weote:

Dear Kirk,

As an Atheist, I would like you to explain the following:

"Never again do you need to be intimidated by an atheist. Learn how to prove God's existence and effectively witness to these so-called 'intellectuals'."

Please tell me why you feel it necessary to both insult ("so-called 'intellectuals") and witness to me? What troubles you so much that you had to make a video of said subject? Do you find Atheist's to be immoral, evil? Do intellectuals frighten you? Do you even know the meaning of Atheism? I'm curious.

Kindest regards,

Sean

Kirk Cameron
http://kirkcameron.com/

Anonymous said...

I've seen the light !

IT IS REAL,
its a narative based reality that means you can Choose your faith and your beliefs.

If you WANT to BELIEVE then you WILL.

Believing is the choice of man, I want to believe but when I read all the packets they all seem to have the same ingredients!

Our culture and leaders Bring us the TRUTH and we ACCEPT it because WE WANT TO BELIEVE and it's just too hard not to.

That's why TV works "it's all true"

the worlds is complex out perceptions are complex

Religion is SIMPLE

Just like a Bannana!

Now go make your own Narrative based Reality,

John Blatt said...

Maybe these two can answer this:

If God allowed Adam and Eve to eat only "seed bearing fruit", then the "forbidden fruit" had to have been a fruit that produced no seed in itself. This fruit most likely would have been the banana, since the banana does not bear seed in itself. Thus, the very fruit that these mind-controlled cultists use to prove God's existence is (according to their bible) the very thing that supposedly damned them in the first place!

John Blatt

mizlee@aol.comupamxs said...

Hmmm, a "ripe banana" is about 6 to 9 inches long. It is firm and smooth to the touch, and fits ever so nicely into the mouth, and if you like bananas, doesn't taste bad at all. It also happens to be "anatomically correct" for multi-media applications.
LOL. This has to be one of the most fatuous fundie funnies ever!

Anonymous said...

Up until I watched this video I believed in evolution, but the Christians have finally changed my mind.

If indeed natural selection was true, these 2 clowns would have never existed on this earth.

Damn, there goes my faith in not having faith!!!

cra said...

that really was an atheist nightmare!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5479410612081345878

it was really nightmarish to discover these guys weren't joking!
it's a dead serious creationist television show.
this isn't about deism vs. atheism anymore. this is about a great part of the american society in this modern world without any relationship to what they ironically claim to worship:
the universe aside modern men, nature and its history and complexity.
it just struck me because their "proof of god" proofs only that most americans know very little of the world apart the products they consume:
they compare a banana with a coke can and because the can has a builder (yeah pepsi) and the banana doesn't it obviously is the work of a great deity.
this is sad and totally ignoring the fact that even a normal pepsi can marks the end of thousands of years of technical evolution - which is in terms of seeming "incomprehensibility" comparable to nature's evolution that brought us the banana.
even the banana is the result of a looong time of human breeding - you prolly wouldn't recognize a normal, original banana.
you guys should really teach your children history, show them nature, feed their curiosity! then you might get rid of this horrendous crowd.

Anonymous said...

http://www.atheisteye.com/thegodlessbastard.htm

The Banana: The Christian's Nightmare



We all know that sex is as pleasurable as it is functional. Our species wants to live on, and procreation (through the act of sex) accomplishes that goal. But as we also all know, sex feels good--and we do it more often for pleasure than for procreation. And while it takes two to tango, it only takes one to feel good sexually. Of course, it's not nearly as fun going solo, but it certainly does do the trick.



Modern technology and advances in the manufacture of synthetics and small battery operated vibrating devices have given women in need of "something special" all sorts of wonderful sex toys to do the job when no man is available. Ask any woman over the age of 30 (who isn't shy or a prude) and you'll hear a testament to the merits of dildos and vibrators.



But the technology that has given women these toys of pleasure has not always existed. What did women do before the advent of these modern sexual conveniences? What did Eve, Ruth, Ester, and all their biblical sisters do back then?



God gave women sex organs through which sexual pleasure may be derived. If we were designed, as Christians argue, then god certainly wanted women to have pleasure because he gave them all the parts that provide it. And as god is all-knowing, he certainly knew long before each one of us were even born, that there would often be times throughout our lives where those strong sexual urges would drive us mad because we had no available partner to take care of business.



So being the all-knowing, all-powerful, kind, and loving god that our designer and creator is, he gave women the banana. And anyone with only an ounce of common sense and even the most clouded power of perception can see the brilliance of god's perfect design of this particular fruit.



The banana...



1. is perfectly shaped to fit the human hand.
2. has a point at its top for ease of entry.
3. is curved towards the vagina to make the penetration process easy.
4. has a tab at the bottom to hold and control the motion of the banana when completely inserted.
5. just like the human penis, it is perfectly shaped for the human vagina.
6. if held so that its curve is pointed upward after insertion, it hits the G-Spot perfectly!
7. has a soft wrapper so that the delicate lining of the vagina isn't scraped.
8. has a non-slip surface so that you won't lose control of the device while enjoying the ride. (Women, how much do you like it when your man's penis keeps slipping out?)
9. has outward indicators of inward content. Green bananas are the hardest, which women seem to prefer, and are required to attain the best penetration. Yellow lets you know that it's getting softer and may not be useful for much longer. Black lets you know that it's a far too late to be put in your vagina. (How many women want a limp, mushy penis anyway?) Keep in mind that these color codes also indicate if the banana is suitable for eating. Just like a vigorous weight training workout, overuse of the banana for sexual gratification will deplete the body of energy, as well as cause muscle cramps. Ever get a leg (or other body part) cramp during or after sex? You sweat, lose body fluids, and get dehydrated. Ask anyone with knowledge of human physiology and nutrition and you'll learn quickly that the banana is the perfect recovery food!
10. has a protective covering to prevent vaginal matter (or fecal matter, in the case of god's homosexual children) from spoiling the fruit inside.
11. has a tab at the bottom to facilitate removal of its wrapper.
12. is perforated on its wrapper for easy peeling.
13. has a bio-degradable wrapper for post-coital disposal.
14. is pleasing to taste buds as well as the vagina.
15. has a high potassium content, which quickly alleviates muscle cramps.
16. has a high caloric and carbohydrate content to refuel the body after sexual exertion.



To say that the banana's perfect design for sexual gratification just happened by accident is even more unintelligent than to say that no one designed the Coca Cola can.

Anonymous said...

The Banana: The Christian's Nightmare

We all know that sex is as pleasurable as it is functional. Our species wants to live on, and procreation (through the act of sex) accomplishes that goal. But as we also all know, sex feels good--and we do it more often for pleasure than for procreation. And while it takes two to tango, it only takes one to feel good sexually. Of course, it's not nearly as fun going solo, but it certainly does do the trick.



Modern technology and advances in the manufacture of synthetics and small battery operated vibrating devices have given women in need of "something special" all sorts of wonderful sex toys to do the job when no man is available. Ask any woman over the age of 30 (who isn't shy or a prude) and you'll hear a testament to the merits of dildos and vibrators.



But the technology that has given women these toys of pleasure has not always existed. What did women do before the advent of these modern sexual conveniences? What did Eve, Ruth, Ester, and all their biblical sisters do back then?



God gave women sex organs through which sexual pleasure may be derived. If we were designed, as Christians argue, then god certainly wanted women to have pleasure because he gave them all the parts that provide it. And as god is all-knowing, he certainly knew long before each one of us were even born, that there would often be times throughout our lives where those strong sexual urges would drive us mad because we had no available partner to take care of business.



So being the all-knowing, all-powerful, kind, and loving god that our designer and creator is, he gave women the banana. And anyone with only an ounce of common sense and even the most clouded power of perception can see the brilliance of god's perfect design of this particular fruit.



The banana...



1. is perfectly shaped to fit the human hand.
2. has a point at its top for ease of entry.
3. is curved towards the vagina to make the penetration process easy.
4. has a tab at the bottom to hold and control the motion of the banana when completely inserted.
5. just like the human penis, it is perfectly shaped for the human vagina.
6. if held so that its curve is pointed upward after insertion, it hits the G-Spot perfectly!
7. has a soft wrapper so that the delicate lining of the vagina isn't scraped.
8. has a non-slip surface so that you won't lose control of the device while enjoying the ride. (Women, how much do you like it when your man's penis keeps slipping out?)
9. has outward indicators of inward content. Green bananas are the hardest, which women seem to prefer, and are required to attain the best penetration. Yellow lets you know that it's getting softer and may not be useful for much longer. Black lets you know that it's a far too late to be put in your vagina. (How many women want a limp, mushy penis anyway?) Keep in mind that these color codes also indicate if the banana is suitable for eating. Just like a vigorous weight training workout, overuse of the banana for sexual gratification will deplete the body of energy, as well as cause muscle cramps. Ever get a leg (or other body part) cramp during or after sex? You sweat, lose body fluids, and get dehydrated. Ask anyone with knowledge of human physiology and nutrition and you'll learn quickly that the banana is the perfect recovery food!
10. has a protective covering to prevent vaginal matter (or fecal matter, in the case of god's homosexual children) from spoiling the fruit inside.
11. has a tab at the bottom to facilitate removal of its wrapper.
12. is perforated on its wrapper for easy peeling.
13. has a bio-degradable wrapper for post-coital disposal.
14. is pleasing to taste buds as well as the vagina.
15. has a high potassium content, which quickly alleviates muscle cramps.
16. has a high caloric and carbohydrate content to refuel the body after sexual exertion.


To say that the banana's perfect design for sexual gratification just happened by accident is even more unintelligent than to say that no one designed the Coca Cola can.

:) From: http://www.atheisteye.com/thegodlessbastard.htm

Anonymous said...

I suppose the pineapple is the Christian Nightmare. Imagine trying to eat a pineapple without a knife.

Anonymous said...

i doubt these guys are trying to convert someone through a banana, you cant prove God, you have to experience Him i guess... just not through a high dosage of potassium. i see the point theyre making and i dont think they were trying to offend anyone through a banana.

Anonymous said...

OK first of all, LOL on the above post about sexual gratification!!!! And second, has anyone ever seen what a natural banana looks like? you know, before we bred the seeds out. it wasn't long, it had seeds and it was friggin brown.