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9/24/2006                                                                                       View Comments

Dear Mom



An ex-Christian writes a letter to his Christian mom.

36 comments:

Dennis said...

PatiotruckHe should just go on with his life and drop the dramatics. If she won't talk to her son because he doesn't believe in god, she needs therapy !!! Geeeeeeeeze...

nor said...

that was so insanely melodramatic... why can't he be funny and cynical like the rest of us?

Dave Harty said...

I stopped this halfway. Was it really so much easier to make such a rediculous production than making a phone call? He makes it seem as though the world is going to end because of what he's saying. My mom's a diehard christian, she accepted my atheism without resorting to mass hysteria.

Timotheus said...

Why don't you all have some compassion? I understand COMPLETELY what this guy feels. This was his own way of making a statement to his mother, and perhaps to everyone else as well.
These belief systems are manipulative, divisive, and are very psychologically damaging, especially for those who escape the more hardcore fundamentalist beliefs. Who are you to ridicule or judge him? You don't know the details of his life, or the specifics of his family.
My deconversion was extremely painful, and still is a wedge that remains driven between me and much of my family.
Please have some compassion.

Timotheus said...

I'll bet his mother will eventually see this. Perhaps she will see the error of her ways as a result and at least consider his position.

Nvrgoingbk said...

Tim is right guys. The guy in the "video" is one of us afterall. There's nothing i love more than a good hearted religious debate with Christians who come in here to show their ass and warn of us of the fiery abyss that awaits our souls, but this guy seems to have experienced some severe emotional trauma due to the abandonment of his mother simply because his rational mind can not accept the absurdity of her religion. He loves his mother. Leaving the faith can be quite traumatizing on many levels. I know what it feels like to want to believe for someone elses sake, but to be unable to compromise the truth even if it means losing them. The problem is that he had to be faced with that choice at all.
Yes it was sappy, but he obviously had no line of communication open to his mother of he would have used it. It was apparant he could not talk to her and had to resort to the internet just to find some healing and validation.

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm a christian and I just kind of found myself here by accident. I felt I needed to say something, but you are all free to just dismiss what I say.

I know their are a lot of "christians" out their that do not shed our faith in a good light. A mother refusing to acknowledge her son is a terrible thing. I just ask you all not to judge us all on these people.

A christian is a person that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. Nobody is a christian as a result of who their famliess are. It is a choice we have to make. I would just like to encouarge you all to do some research into christianty before you dismiss it. Books like Mere Christianty, by c.s. lewis and Case for Christ, by Lee Stobel can be very useful in understanding the christian faith.

Hope I havn't offended anyone. That was not my goal.

God Bless

Anonymous said...

Hi I'm a christian and I just kind of found myself here by accident. I felt I needed to say something, but you are all free to just dismiss what I say.

I know their are a lot of "christians" out their that do not shed our faith in a good light. A mother refusing to acknowledge her son is a terrible thing. I just ask you all not to judge us all on these people.

A christian is a person that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. Nobody is a christian as a result of who their famliess are. It is a choice we have to make. I would just like to encouarge you all to do some research into christianty before you dismiss it. Books like Mere Christianty, by c.s. lewis and Case for Christ, by Lee Stobel can be very useful in understanding the christian faith.

Hope I havn't offended anyone. That was not my goal.

God Bless

Lorena said...

To Anonymous and all christians that come here:

In case you haven't noticed, the name of the site is exchristians. That means that we WERE CHRISTIANS but we no longer are.

Asking us to RESEARCH christianity could be called an insult, but I will instead call it a waste of time.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,

I invite you to read the testamonies of ex-Christians to see the pain and suffering that has been caused by the Christian faith before you pass judgement on the folks who are here.

A lot of us did follow Jesus' teachings and as the person stated in the video couldn't follow those teachings...murder, rape and treating others differently because of gender, race or belief.

I researched and researched and agonized. But unlike the gentleman in the video I pretended until my mother died. I then researched and researched some more just to make sure I knew I was doing the right thing for me.

Don't tell me that most Christians are not like the mother in the video, maybe your church is different, maybe they allow women to preach, teach and lead and gays to worship side by side, teach, preach and lead.

When I did my research there was only one denomination that stated everyone was equal but then they believed in the Bible so to me they were lying just to increase their membership.

Most people do not chose the Christian faith, they are born into it. Their parents had them baptised and took them to their church. They were not given differing points of view in which to make a decision so there was no decision to make.

My question to you is how much research have you done to determine that you want to remain a Christian. Or have you made that determination based on what has been told to you by your parents, friends and pastor?

.:webmaster:. said...

For more information on books by Lee Strobel, click here.

For more information on C.S. Lewis and his books, click here.

jim earl said...

I can relate to this young man and his feelings. I have suffered somewhat the same toment because of having a wife that absolutely refuses to discuss religion with me. We have been married 25 years and sometimes it's very hard being in a relationship with a christian. At least this guy doesn't have to live with his mother. I feel sorry for the situation he is in and understand fully what he is going through. We had lunch yesterday at my in-laws home and my mother-in-law brought up belief and how everyone knows there is a god. We were having a fairly good discussion until my wife told her mother that she would get nowhere talking to me. She said I was cuckoo. I did get in a few points about beliefs before the subject was closed. Anyway, I told my wife on the way home that if anyone in the world is cuckoo, it's the ones with the unsubstantiated belief systems. She did say she was sorry for what she said. My mother remains a christian but I don't have to live with her. If she were to shut me out of her life because I no longer believed in Jesus, I would be hurt but it would not change the truth.

boomSLANG said...

Fundy: "A christian is a person that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ."

No. A "Christian" is a person who picks up the Holy Bible and reads all, or some of it....OR, it may be a person who NEVER reads any of it, and who uses it to adorn their coffee table. A "Christian" is a person who goes to church every Sunday...OR, it may be a person who NEVER goes. A "Christian" is person who follows the "Commandments"...OR, a "Christian" is a person who sits in prison for NOT following the "Commandments".

Of course, "Christian" will probably stumble in here and say that the latter senarios for each example would NOT constitue what a "Christian" is, but they are dead wrong. They are wrong because it is the people THEMSELVES who elect THEMSELVES the title of "Christian". There is no litmus test in determining who is a "Christian", and who is not. Second or third parties cannot determine whether other people are, OR WERE, a "True Chrisitian"....not anymore than they can tell the person in question whether they're a "true pizza lover", or not. Like ALL religion, it's completely SUBJECTIVE.

Fundy: "Nobody is a christian as a result of who their famliess are."

Nobody is a "Christian" other than the result of saying to themselves "I am a Christian". It's simple. There's like 1,200 denominations of Christianity in America, all of whom sit around and say "we are Christians...Amen". If you have the authority to tell someone else they're not a Christian, then they have the same authority over you. Hell, NOBODY'S a "Christian".

Fundy: "I would just like to encouarge you all to do some research into christianty before you dismiss it. Books like Mere Christianty, by c.s. lewis and Case for Christ, by Lee Stobel can be very useful in understanding the christian faith."

Ironically, those books were NOT written for Faithless people, but for people OF "Faith". People of "Faith" need proof too, evidently. If the bible is the "Word of God" inspired by a "God", why so many "companion" books WRITTEN by the "Faithful"; purchased by the "Faithful"; pimped by the "Faithful"? Think about it.

Lupis Noctum said...

I have to wonder about this fellow's motivation for making and posting this video. If his mother won't talk to him on the phone, what makes him think she'll stumble on to this on the website, or take the time and effort to seek it out if she's heard about it? If she's far enough gone to reject her own flesh and blood simply because he doesn't believe the myths she was raised on, she's surely not capable or willing to take the steps necessary to view his video. His only hope really is that enough of his mother's jesus freak pals will get wind of this that she's driven to see just what's being said "in public" that might affect her standing in whatever church she attends.

So, is this kid just a drama queen seeking a world wide web audience? If he's bright enough to differentiate between Christianity and reality, he's bright enough to know that this video is a Pyrric gesture.

Whatever his intentions, I think that it WILL do some good. Thousands of free-thinkers are dealing with just this topic, rejection by their family and/or friends because they've woken up. The video will remind them that they're not alone and hopefully give them the strength they need to stay awake.

Personally, I think if he wanted to reach a bigger audience he should have picked the "numa numa" song as his backround score and danced a bit, but what the hell do I know? :P


boomSLANG wrote:

"If you have the authority to tell someone else they're not a Christian, then they have the same authority over you. Hell, NOBODY'S a "Christian."

Good stuff bro!

Lorena said...

Lupis wrote:

"I have to wonder about this fellow's motivation for making and posting this video. If his mother won't talk to him on the phone, what makes him think she'll stumble on to this on the website, or take the time and effort to seek it out if she's heard about it?"

Lorena responds:

Obviously, the clip is not really addressed to the guy's mother. The guy is reaching for a larger audience. He is letting the world know what it feels to be rejected by your own mother in the name of christianity.

The letter style is just a literary device to convey a message.

Anonymous said...

Someone wrote:

" know their are a lot of "christians" out their that do not shed our faith in a good light. A mother refusing to acknowledge her son is a terrible thing. I just ask you all not to judge us all on these people.

A christian is a person that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ.

----

Well, lets look at some of the teachings of Jerkass Jesus.

Luke 14:25

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. "

Farris said...

This young man qouted in the video that he knew that the odds of his mother seeing it were slim. He also said that making the video was therapy for himself. People have some compassion! Some of you are judging him like a bunch of ...well you know. Everybody is different, if this was his outlet, let him have it in peace.

To the young man in the video "I judge you not".

Your Pal,
Farris

Anonymous said...

Deconversion is harder for some than for others. I suppose most mothers wouldn't disown their "fallen away" children -- but if there's even one who actually said it, then in my mind that's sufficient proof that religion is unnatural and wrong. Melodrama or no, I think that's something worth saying.

RubySera said...

Well, lets look at some of the teachings of Jerkass Jesus.

Luke 14:25

"Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. "
**************

Ironically, this quote appears on the exact situation for which Jesus said it in the first place. This young man forsook his mother in the name of Truth.

I am an ex-Christian but I do not reject the truth that appears in Jesus' teachings. This happens to be one of them. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life." Those of us who choose truth as a way of life do so out of conviction that goes every bit as deep as does Christian faith.

Like this young man, I also had to choose between family and truth. That is when I understood this contraversial verse.

Wade said...

I am really dissapointed in some of the comment from my fellow ex-C's.

This is just one example of the pain that is caused my xianity, just one. The amount of pain and suffering caused by this cult can never be accurately measured.

Anonymous said...

Would it have been so hard for him to punctuate and capitalize that? I mean, if you're not going to talk... make a statement with your writing that says "I'm intelligent enough to find the shift key."

I feel for him, I do... but that drove me nuts... reading it was almost more painful than what he's going through.

Anonymous said...

test

Anonymous said...

"I'm intelligent enough to find the shift key."

that was priceless

Timotheus said...

"Anonymous" said:
"Would it have been so hard for him to punctuate and capitalize that? I mean, if you're not going to talk... make a statement with your writing that says "I'm intelligent enough to find the shift key."

I feel for him, I do... but that drove me nuts... reading it was almost more painful than what he's going through."

""I'm intelligent enough to find the shift key."

that was priceless"

Yeah, right. Grow up.

Taphophilia said...

Ugh! The point of his grammar and punctuation was symbolic. He is the child. With all your superior English skills, you are obviously ignorant in Literature and Art.

Avie said...

Wow. That almost left me speechless. Almost.

His words were so simple, yet to the point and extremely profound. I imagine that lots of ex-christians have gone through these feelings. (I know I have--but even I do not know what it is to be completely rejected by my own mother.)

My feelings as I watched this video were those of sadness and respect. I feel sad for this young man, but I respect his convictions and his courage to get all his feelings out there. I also feel anger towards his mother, who doesn't deserve the love of a devoted son. The irony involved does not escape me: A woman who has turned her back on her child in the name of a patriarchal faith.

I do hope that the young man's mother sees this, somehow. And I hope that she realizes that what she's done is cruel and utterly heartless. I hope she talks to him again and that they get to be in each other's lives. Life is too short to waste bickering over an imaginary and/or psychotic deity. And such a deity is certainly not worth breaking the mother-child bond!

steamboat_willey said...

Rubysera:

Way to turn the tables. Matthew 10:34 was even better:

"Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to SET A MAN AGAINST HIS FATHER, AND A DAUGHTER AGAINST HER MOTHER, AND A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AGAINST HER MOTHER-IN-LAW; and A MAN'S ENEMIES WILL BE THE MEMBERS OF HIS HOUSEHOLD." [oops, I couln't un-find the shift key].

Jesus got what he wanted; why shouldn't we try to enjoy what we have? He who loves father or mother more than reason and science is not worthy of reason and science, and he who loves son or daughter more . . . .


If that's mom's position, why value mom any longer? Do something worthwhile with your life. Success is the best revenge and will make her think twice about disowning you.

Maybe you must move on from identification with your parents if you want to have your own mind.

Accept the disowning. Realize that you might do the same thing. The young man in the video said he would never disown his kids for something they said or believed.

I think there are some things I would not tolerate from my kid -- advocating violent overthrow of the U.S Government, for example.

vampyre said...

What is wrong with the violent overthrow of the government?

Anonymous said...

I would like to do something like that for my dad a "preacher"! I thought it was a very brave thing to do.. I have been visiting this site for 4 yrs or more,,im sorry to see my fellow free thinkers being so hard on this guy!! maybe free thinkers will fall into the same trap as christians??

HereticChick said...

I felt really bad for the guy. I know for some people, it's terribly hard to let go of what they really wanted. These people aren't HAPPY that they've let go of everything they loved and held dear. The truth hurts sometimes. I hope it gets better for him

SpaceMonk said...

I know it was a bit melodramatic, a bit sappy, maybe over the top (and personally I think that song is painfully pathetic), but that is sometimes what is needed to reach such close minded people.

My Dad once told me he didn't want to communicate with me anymore and wouldn't read anything I sent him. He told me that I am "spewing forth lies from the depths of hell".
He said he would treat me as a demon, because I'm only trying to drag as many people to hell with me as I can...

I know my Mum was crying every day, and I know she still does cry, and literally mourn, because she 'knows' I'm going to hell.

I hate this situation, and I am not going to let christianity do this to my family.

So I had to use emotional methods, I had to turn up the melodrama and really appeal to them on that basic instinctual parent/child level, just to reach the humanity beneath their programming.

Now we do communicate more often and we do discuss these issues.
I think I've made some impact, though I know Mum still mourns for me, and Dad will never admit anything I say is right even if it has reached him.

Anyway, I can understand the guy using melodrama, even if it is turned on...
It's still evidence of a real love, and it seems to be more than they show to him.

Anonymous said...

Few works of art have moved me as much as this video did. I could relate to some of the pain he is suffering, and was in tears by the end. It reminded me of and made me realize even more the pain that can be caused by Christianity.

I'm very disappointed with some of the comments above. The man is obviously dealing with and trying to lessen a lot of emotional trauma and pain. Those comments seemed intended only to insult him and increase his pain.

I know many Christians who behave a hellava lot better than that. The writers of those comments should be ashamed of themselves for even thinking those things, let alone writing them on this website.

And they should remember that, as I understand it, the purpose of the site is to support ex-Christians, not to tear them down even further.

I better stop before I really get angry.

Anonymous said...

my mom has shunned me for over almost 2 decades. For the same reason..I grew up and moved away from her faith. To punish me, she moved away without giving me her forwarding address or her unlisted phone number.

I'm married now and have children and grandchildren. I hope she gets see my family before she dies. I still love her...just don't share her faith.

Very sad...when a person can choose a manmade religion over their own flesh and blood.

My heart goes out to all the children left behind in the name of God.

Anonymous said...

I cried watching this video. I can see exactly how hard it must have been for him to put it out there, yet he did it for his own good. It did me some good. Thank you.

jen2192000 said...

I was very moved by this video. I think that what he was doing came from the depths of his heart. It can be very hard to get over what was done to a child by their parents. It hurts even worse when you're an adult and your parents don't respect your decisions. I teach my children that they can believe whatever they want to as long as they do their research. I thought that I would have a really hard time telling my mom about being an atheist, but she took it so much better than I thought she would. I was pretty hesitant to even say anything to her about it, in fact.

As for some of the very first comments; you are entitled to your opinions, but, think about where he is coming from with this. Put yourself in his situation and think about how you would feel. It may have been a little melodramatic, but this is the way that he feels. He already said that he hadn't talked to his mother in a year. How would you feel if your mother disowned you for something so insignificant?

Jennifer

Anonymous said...

Powerful both in its message and artistic simplicity. I am really glad you got this out. I would only encourage you to consider not rejecting Jesus along with what so many of His followers have constructed as "Christianity."