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1/01/2007                                                                                       View Comments

The Childrens Bible - By Brett Keane

53 comments:

Vixentrox said...

So true...so true. Loving god my ass.

Anonymous said...

lol, summoning the power of god to smite some kids who called you "baldy"...isn't that kind of the equivalent of using a high-yield hydrogen warhead missile with ion propultion and a fully integrated fuzzy logic A.I. guidance system to get rid of that ant colony in your garden that's been really pissing you off?

Anonymous said...

Can someone please tell me the jist of this..my interesnet doesnt seem to be able to dowload this.

Anonymous said...

Teaching religion to children is terroristic abuse. Religion is unethical, immoral, confusing, repulsive,socially deplorable, and unjust.
Teaching religion to children as fact should be illegal.

its Child abuse, clear and simple!

eyeonthelie

Pull The Other One! said...

'OK kids, how about this one? It's called 'Baldilocks and The Two Bears'...'

Vixentrox said...

To Anon that cant open the video:

The video is basically a retelling of the wonderful biblical stroy about a group of children calling one of god's prophets names. The punishment for such an offense is god sending a couple of female bears to go and kill all the children. Now isnt that a wonderful children's bible story?

freedy said...

Teaching the doctrine of hell,torture,suffering for those who don't obey the bible god is abuse!

Youth pastors and child sunday school teachers are simply put,... child abusers.

It's one thing to teach lies and con adults,but to scare the ba-jeebus out of sensitive sweet little kids is the worst of the worst!

You child church workers should be ashamed of yourselves.

Shut up and "leave those kids alone you bunch of insecure,sadistic control freaks!

CyborgX said...

I saw a book in the dollar store once that was "Childrens Bedtime Bible Stories" or something like that. Curious, I opened it up to any old page. They had pictures and while I can't remember if it actually showed this or not, but the text I remember it was the story of Harod the king getting decapitated. Nice thing to tell your kid before going to bed at night, eh?

On the other hand, look at all the kid's nursery rhymes? Same thing. Kids getting eaten up, or something bad happening to the hero, etc. Spiders scaring kids away, Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, Henny Penny, Little Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe... I mean, we teach kids violence from little up. Toy soldiers, solders guns and military toys in Easter baskets (Wal-Mart I think it was or was it K-Mart that did that the first Easter after the wars started?) Halloween, where one glamorizes ghosts, monsters and devils, and kids beg door-to-door for candy saying "Trick or Treat".

Then the next breath they want to discourage violence amongst kids. Well, the best way is to not teach it to them in the first place, or so I thought.

Anonymous said...

It's worse.

Noah's ark, anyone? Toy arks, nursery wallpaper? I'll bet half of us were fed that, The Worst bedtime story of all. Yet no one seems to care. We bring children up from BIRTH with this story, not the She-Bears story. This is what we feed children, childrens' bible or not.

Preston said...

how did you all get to where you are at? was it that you figured out that the god thing is wrong by reading yourself, or did you give up on him because you felt he wasn't there?

please tell

boomSLANG said...

Hi Preston,

Answer: BOTH.

Bye Preston.

preston said...

oh, alright then.

boomSLANG said...

Really?..that simple, huh? 'Glad to have been a help.

preston said...

i'm just trying to figure out who you are, boomslang..

Dano said...

Preston wrote:
how did you all get to where you are at? was it that you figured out that the god thing is wrong by reading yourself, or did you give up on him because you felt he wasn't there?
please tell
posted: 1/02/2007 3:57 PM EST

Dan replies courteously (And that ain't easy)
Preston! In my case, I always felt uneasy, and embarrassed about discussing bible stories, because of their irrationality, and illogical content, The rational brain that I was given kept showing me how unlikely it would be for a God to make billions and billions of creatures, and then condemn most of them to eternal torture, because they wouldn't believe irrational, and down right silly, stuff.

I finally realized that we had created God in our own image, with all of our petty character flaws, and whatever God there might be, must be bigger, smarter, more compassionate, more powerful, wiser, more loving, and better in every way than the one we invented, and so poorly portray in the bible!
Dan (My God looks at Bible God with pity and contempt)

preston said...

thanks dan, i think i can understand where you're coming from.

Dano said...

By the way Preston, I am almost 70 years old, and was not concerned very much, one way or another about God, until a few years ago when I realized how many people have been imprisoned, mentally by beliefs in mythologies.

I thank whatever God there may be....
Dan ....(that I am free, to think, and question, and tell all those hick preachers they are all full of shit, and should get real jobs.)

preston said...

woe, youre old

Anonymous said...

Hi Preston, please click on my name and tell me if what I wrote makes any sense?

Hi, Dano-(formally-Ben)

Friendly Misanthrope said...

It is also bad when they tell rather gruesome tales of genocide in Christian kids cartoons. I saw one on day when flipping through the channels in which Samson was getting his Gawd inspired kill on to music and song:

[music playing]"And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men."

What a wonderful cartoon it was! GLORY!

Preston said...

ben, i don't understand what you mean, "see if it makes any sense" it made sense, but what of it?

Onanite said...

Christians hate being called baldy.

Onanite

Anonymous said...

Well I was in hopes that you would leave a comment on my blog saying," Well this makes sense." But for some reason leaving a comment on someone's blog appears to be tabboo.

Whether anyone realizes it or not the comments page on here is actually on a "blog" Oh Dear! What have I done?

Preston, never mind, thanks if that was your real honest opinion.

boomSLANG said...

i'm just trying to figure out who you are, boomslang..

Hi Preston,

I'm a person who came into this world with zero beliefs and/or preconceptions about anything--who was indoctrinated into Christianity at a young age via fundamentalist grandparents---who is now a former believer in Christ, because I got tired of people not being able to answer my questions, and then telling me I'd go to hell for "asking"(including family members).... which in turn, prompted me to pick up the bible and read it for myself, which in turn, made me a non-believer, starting in book one, and continuing throughout.

My sincere apologies if your inquiry was legit'. It's just that 9 times out of 10 when "guests" ask such questions as yours, it's usually some disingenuous Christian looking to tell me I was never a "True Christian™", and/or, that I didn't pray hard enough.

So, I take it you're in the process of deconverting, then?

Best regards.

Anonymous said...

They are for the Adults the Children don't need them.

Adults are no less that grown up children...and think like Children.

CyborgX said...

Preston: Two words: Logical Thinking.

If you think logically you wouldn't need to ask that question. The answer is all over this blog and in the forum. Read.

You got this far, what's stopping you from going all the way? God? Somehow I don't think a *real* God would stop you from learning and evolving on your own, even if you did make a mistake or two. You would learn from it.

We did.

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

You want us to answer your questions, why don't you return the courtesy and answers ours, which were asked prior to your question?

On 12/20/06 at 5:07 PM on another thread you stated:“I wouldn't want to be bossed around by something i can understand.”

I asked if that meant you, Preston, only want to be bossed around by something you DON’T understand. But you DO want to be bossed around…and you DO want to remain ignorant of whomever is doing the “bossing”?

I just want to make sure we know where YOU are coming from.

Dano said...

Bentley wrote:
Hi Preston, please click on my name and tell me if what I wrote makes any sense?
Hi, Dano-(formally-Ben)

Ben!-- Dan here!
Yea, I already figured out that Bentley was your "nom de plume"
I have decided that Preston is either, very young, severely lacking in confidence, or verbally challenged. Either way, as Warnepiece points out, I think we are wasting our creative juices on this one.
Dan (formally, Dano, ex believer in fairy tales)

Preston said...

where am i coming from? i'm just glad to be alive. But most of all my trust in god is greater than my understanding in god. That's all i have to say about these countless remarks that god doesn't exist. I have made a covenant with god, and will never turn my back on him.
But that's the usual mumbo jumbo most christians have to say on here. So really i am here just to learn what things turn you off, and apply it to my own life. I'm tired of learning what pastors have to say about the world, and i want to figure out more about it from your perspective.

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

It’s hard to take your post seriously.

You state you are here to learn “what things turn (us) off”, you are “tired of learning what pastors have to say” and you seemingly think the things most christians say is “mumbo jumbo”. What is it you are trying to learn?

If you still trust in god, have made a covenant with this entity, have little, if any, understanding about it, but it makes you glad you are alive, what else could you need?

You haven’t really answered my original question, but by your comments above I can infer that you don’t want to understand god, or find it impossible, but you will allow him/her/it, no doubt through the bible, to bully you.

What is it from our perspective about which you need further clarification?

preston said...

i don't know what original question you're talking about warnepiece.

and i do know alot about my god, enough to stake my life and everything in it, but not nearly enough to answer all of atheism's big questions. and I don't know why you can't take me seriously..

i'm just trying to learn what has made you so angry, or so confused, that you have completely turned away from the idea of god. I just want to see your side of life, alright. Like if there's more freedom, if you tend to do bad things that the culture deems wrong, or even if you love to be nice to people. haha, the christian idea of an atheist seems to lean more towards a crazy mean madman. one of the reasons i'm subscribed to this website is because i want to hear this group's opinions on the things going on in the news. I don't intend on converting you, so relax. I know you have already heard it all, and have made up your mind. I just want to know more about your experiences, and the borders of your belifs. that's all.

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

Based on your comment, it looks like it’s time for another hurt, angry and hostile response. After all, that’s what you as a christian accuse us ex-chrisitans of being when we don’t kowtow to your beliefs, and we have the temerity, on an EX-christian website no less, to disagree with them! Let’s see…GGGGGRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, does that sound angry enough?

I’m going to take a wild shot in the dark here and guess you are about half my age, if not younger. I’m 54.
Are you half (or less than) my age Preston? Do you know what most people gain with age Preston? Wisdom. Not all, and not the same amount. But I have been lucky to be around several good universities here and in nearby towns. I pursue my education every day in every way I can, and I have a warm, happy loving family that pursues higher education too. I like being around well informed and deep thinking people. They help me feel younger.
I read a lot, and it is through reading the bible that I finally turned away from Christianity. I can tell you the first, but certainly not the last, MAJOR STORY discrepancy that made me go “This is a crock of shit”. It was Joshua 10:12-14. Read it and tell me what you think, and that is just the scratch on the surface of what I found when I read the bible from cover to cover. God’s a pretty rotten tyrant…to everyone!

Yes, since ditching Christianity, I do have more freedom. less worry, and can concentrate on things that matter in THIS life, not a nebulous one promised beyond this one, There is no proof that there is anything beyond this life I didn’t do “bad” things before so I don’t do them now either (Although if I could find some killer Northern Lights or Durbin Poison, yeah I’d smoke that even if it’s still illegal.) I have my wife who I’ve been married to for 27 years, 3 beautiful, smart, wise and travel-savvy children, who help make this my heaven on earth. Regardless of what angry Christians write; I am not, angry, hurt, scared, depressed or feel hollow without god/jesus/holy spook clogging up my heart. It’s been declared a “Deity-Free” zone anyway, and shall remain that way.

The original question to you Preston was: You don’t want to understand him/her/it, but you DO want to be bossed around by it, you do not want to understand who is doing the bossing around, and why?

preston said...

hah, yes i am less than half of your age. See it feels like we are getting somewhere now, doesn't it?

To your joshua comment: i don't understand what's so bad about this verse. Could you tell please tell me.

And to your last question, i understand my god to a rational point. Bear with me while i use christianese. It would be irrational for me to not follow god when i have experienced crazy feelings, and have spoken the words of the Lord through my mouth. I have had many prophetic words about my life, and have seen some come to pass. I have laid my hands on people and have had them healed by the name of Jesus. I couldn't imagine any other life. I see all of the verses most atheists think disproves that god is loving, are in the old testiment. Before Jesus came there were alot of strange customs that dropped right after he broke the veil in the temple. So i can't expect to know the weird complications that happened in those days, but i do know the God i serve now. I don't look at it as being bossed around, i look at it as in what i was created for. I'm not as selfish as to think that i'm being bossed around. Because really it's my choice to live like i do.
i hope that answered your question.

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

Remember what you wrote here and see if you still feel the same when you reach 54 years. I would be willing to bet my inheritance you won’t.

By your answer to Joshua 10:12-14, you think god actually stopped the sun and moon in the sky for over 24 hours? Just so Joshua’s army could continue a killing rampage? Stop and think what that would require Preston. Since we know it is the earth that rotates, not the sun rotating around the earth, that means god had the sun break out of its position at the center of the solar system and track the earth’s rotation in order to appear stationary in earth’s sky. And it did an entire revolution, from 93 million miles out, around the earth. Do you realize what cosmic damage that would have done to our entire solar system? Why would god do that when it would be much simpler to just stop the earth (although that would have caused all sorts of environmental havoc on this planet)? But the scripture doesn’t say that, it says god stopped the sun and moon. Not a very bright god…or the scripture writer just made the whole thing up. I am certain it is the latter of the two.

Preston, if you actually have been able to physically heal people with your hands, why have we not read about you in medical and scientific journals? That is an ability that should be investigated fully. If you really can do that Preston, we have two children’s hospitals here with sick and dying kids. PLEASE, PLEASE, come down here and heal them by just laying your hands on them. You testified you have the ability Preston. You stated it in black and white for all, including god, to see!Show us how god works in you by healing these dying kids and I will immediately re-convert back to Christianity and become a missionary to testify about the goodness of god and jesus.

Will you do that Preston?

preston said...

if you really understood god as a christian, you would understand that god can do anything. whether it defies logic or not. He can stop the earth from moving and make sure there are no effects to the solar system. His power is never ending warnepice.

and hey, i wasn't saying that i could heal the worlds sickness, i was just giving examples in my life to state how i know god is real. but sure, if it is what god tells me to do. I'm so young, and there are many dying people out there. I can't go to your children's hospitals, thus no one will be healed. But if i did go, i believe that god could heal most of their sickness.

Warnepiece said...

Mmmmmm...special pleading with extra sauce on top.

Preston, so you CAN heal, you just don't want to. I'm sure all those dying kids appreciate how much you, and god, think of them.

And god can do what he wants, because he is god, and he is the god that can do anything because he says so, right in the bible. Correct so far Preston?
So this same god decides to do things the hard way, moving the sun and stopping the moon, rather than the easy way, stopping the earth. Still with me so far?
It would have made no difference to Joshua whether the earth was stopped, or the sun and moon. But you maintain that, god, because he is god, decided "Hey, I'll just move the sun around and freeze the moon in place. That'll impress me, 'cause no one else will know. Aw what the hell, I'll tell some ignorant writer what I did and he'll put it in a book that'll impress some gullible person named Preston some time in the future, what I can do!"

Yeah, that's the ticket!

Yule Goat said...

Preston: " ... I can't go to your children's hospitals, thus no one will be healed. But if i did go, i believe that god could heal most of their sickness.'

Why can't you go???? What's stopping you? If you actually have this connection to the divine that would enable you, or god working through you, to heal even one person, then you'd be a selfish dipshit if you didn't do it. Wouldn't want us to think you're a selfish dipshit, would you?

Dano said...

Here is a good rhetorical question. Can you take a mind like Preston's and spoon feed it, hold its hand, cajole it, and gently nudge it out into the light. Can this boys mind be saved from his cult?

Actually I have been reading and commenting here now for at least five years and have seen a few of these very unsophisticated kids, morph, from fuzzy disconnected thinking, expressed with poor grammar, and sloppy spelling, into what would pass for a normal high school graduate. They seem to be able to comprehend the absurdity of some of the Bronze age literature in the bible. These are the ones who come here suspecting that it is all bullshit!

What I haven't seen is a mind as tightly locked up with mythological belief and dependency on a make believe super hero, as Preston's, ever totally escape. He is doomed to spend his whole life in the never, never, land of theological mysticism.

What a waste!! He seems like such a nice boy. Not to worry though. There are about six or seven billion more Homo Sapiens here on this planet, looking for a way to evolve into "Homo Sapiens XL," and If the religious nuts, get us all killed, the termites are waiting for their chance!
Dano (Unsubstantiated FAITH in bullshit has to go if mankind is to survive and continue to evolve)

preston said...

hahaha, good job.

Warnepiece said...

Kids are sick and dying around the world; Preston can heal them by laying his hands on them because god works through him, and all he can offer is....

"hahaha, good job."

God must be so proud of you Preston.

preston said...

geeze, why do you hate me so much?

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

Did you not write at 1/4/2007 at 2:12 AM “I have laid my hands on people and have had them healed by the name of Jesus. I couldn't imagine any other life.”?

If you can do this, as you claim, why in the name of the god you believe in wouldn’t you try to save these sick and dying children???

Preston, you have a life-long career ahead of you in the medical field that can make you wealthy beyond your imagination, earn the gratitude of untold millions of people, will make you a magnet showcasing God’s love, and you will be the single most respected caregiver in the history of humankind.

…..If you really can heal by laying your hands on someone.

Because we caught you making this outrageous claim, you counter it with “we hate you so much”.

Grow up.

Preston said...

i guess you're just too far in to understand. hey what's your name warnepiece?

Warnepiece said...

What is it that is "too far in" for you to understand?

Can you or can't you heal by laying your hands on people Preston?

My name is Warnepiece. You'd have to read the book to figure it out.

preston said...

it's up to god to decide the time. What are you talking about? i just want to know your name.

Warnepiece said...

Preston, in your earlier post you listed no stipulations, you simply wrote that you “can lay hands on people and heal them through the name of Jesus”, plain and simple. Why should god decide the time? What are YOU talking about?

My name is an anagram of something in the book War & Peace, read it.

preston said...

i justt might. I said that i have in the past, get your facts straight. ILord willing i can do it again in the future.

I just want to know your name

Warnepiece said...

We might be getting somewhere, sounds like you’ve rediscovered the magic in your fingers. If you could do it once, you CAN do it again. But do it because you really and truly want to help these poor sick afflicted kids. You’ll have clouds of nurses and medical people hanging all around you as your touch cures maladies that couldn’t be touched with 8 to 12 years of intense medical training. The skies the limit Preston! Read War & Peace during the few moments when you are not busy and you’ll eventually come across it. Great things are worth working for.

preston said...

i think i've heard that it's actually a good book. I just might look into it if i could find the time to sit down and read it!

everyone wants evidence that god exsists right? what do you believe about prophetic words? how do you believe people can say so much about a persons life, in detail, without ever meeting them in the past?

Warnepiece said...

Preston,

War & Peace is a good book. I’ll give you this much of a hint: It’s about Russia.

I’m not sure about everyone, but most of us here want evidence that god exists. So far, no one has provided any! None, nada, zip, zero.

Earlier on this thread, I made a prediction that you were most likely less than half my age. You responded a little over an hour later with “Yes, I am less than half your age…”

Prophetic words, no? That should answer your question about prophesy. Anyone can do it given the right set of circumstances. It doesn’t prove that the bible is accurate or prophetic.

preston said...

that was no prophecy, that was an obvious guess do to the way i type. Real prophecy would be if you could tell me what's hapening in my life, and where i am from, and weird things along those lines that you couldn't just guess.

Apparently you don't know what to say about it, because it's obviously not humane.

Warnepiece said...

....not humane???

preston said...

out of this world. just like dark matter :)