8/12/2008                                                                                       View Comments

An elfin allegory

Sent in by Geoff

Cars move because Elves push them.

How come we can't see any elves?
--Their magic makes them invisible.

How come they don't leave any fingerprints?
--They wear gloves.

Elves are little aren't they? They couldn't possibly have enough strength to push a car.
--They work in teams.

I happened across this on a message board on myspace, all credit goes to this person: LINK.
--Geoff--
Still... some cars can go over 200 mph. Nothing can run that fast.
--They're magic, remember?

But humans invented cars didn't they? It's nothing to do with elves.
--The Elves INSPIRED people to build cars.

If Elves push them, why do they have engines?
--It amuses the elves to make us think we need engines and fuel.

Isn't that a bit evil of them? I mean this is a multi-billion dollar industry that ravages the environment.
--The ways of the Elves are not our ways.

So all those engineers and scientists working on hydrogen
engines and electric cars are wasting their time?
--The elves will provide, but it amuses them that humans think they're running the automotive industry.

But nobody's ever seen an Elf.
--They're invisible, remember?

Cars don't run without engines or petrol.
--Because if you don't play the game the Elves aren't amused. They might help you along a bit further on the fumes in your tank though. If you believe.

I don't believe, but I've made it just to the petrol station on fumes a few times.
--That's them giving you a sign they're real and asking you to believe in them.

But I'm sure people who do believe in them sometimes run out of fuel, even when they ask the Elves for more.
--Elves are capricious, sometimes the answer is no or they heed your call in a different way later on.

But look, fuel does burn and explode under the right conditions. Clearly it does relate to the ability of cars to go. Plus we make plastics and things out of petrochemicals. What gives.
--The Elves have evil rivals, Pixies, and they do everything they can to undermine Elf power and belief. Including using their magic to make it seem like petrol burns and explodes.

People die from it!
--Pixies are evil.

I don't believe you, this is ridiculous, give me any evidence at all Elves exist.
--Prove to me that they don't! They're in lots of books. Take Lord of the Rings for example.

That's just fiction and those elves can't turn invisible.
--It's a work by fallible, ill informed humans. You can't expect it to be 100% accurate but the inspiration for Elves had to come from somewhere. That's proof they exist!

So you don't have a single shred of evidence for Elves, do you?
--Your car moves doesn't it?

By internal combustion and human ingenuity, not elves.
--So you think, the Pixies have gotten to you, I know THE TRUTH. Still, you believe what you want and I'll believe what I want.

What else do these Elves do?
--They speak to me in whispers.

Ooookaaaay... what do they tell you?
--That pixiess are evil, that we should stop solar cell research and that I should lobotomise your children with a chisel.

Ummm... then we can't really each believe what we want can we? --Your beliefs are going to screw things up for me.

Help! I'm being persecuted by the A-Elfist! He won't let me express my legitimate beliefs!

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