1/13/2009                                                                                       View Comments

Is God a voyeur?

Dambulla monkey prayingImage by Travlr via FlickrBy Dano

I no longer believe in the God of the Bible. He is too vindictive, jealous, mean, and easily offended. In other words, he is too much like a human tyrant. So, I pray to my own version of the creator, or supreme being, if you will.

My version of god is bigger and certainly more resourceful and intelligent than Bible-god, who can't even figure out that since he made everything, including all forms of life, that he is ultimately responsible for how we all behave. I figure that a true god, being perfect, wouldn't need or want a bunch of "educated monkeys" worshiping him, and I figure that any God worth his/her salt can do anything. So I pray that he will make it possible for me to win the lottery. Yes! I buy a ticket every month! Why not? That's what gods are for, isn't it? To ask for things?

Certainly me winning 90 million dollars would mean very little to a supreme being who is capable of creating a universe, or many universes, in the blink of an eye. So why not humor me with enough money to buy most of the things that would make me happy, thus eliminating the necessity of my constantly bothering him?

I don't bother "it" about the obvious things that need its attention, like, you know, asking "it" to stop human suffering, wars, babies starving to death, birth defects, or an explanation as to why he even made us (his favorite living creatures, whom he waited five billion years to evolve), so much like chimpanzees, but without some of the more redeeming qualities of our first cousins. (I doubt that a chimp would ever come up with a scheme that promised his brothers two bananas next week for just one now, thus perpetuating a banana Ponzi scheme where even the old and weak were giving him their hard earned bananas).

I figure that a true god, being perfect, wouldn't need or want a bunch of "educated monkeys" worshiping him... Indeed I'm sure that god is far too busy deciding who will win each of the high school, college, and professional athletic matches all over the world, and what piece of bread, wood, or otherwise mundane trivial object, that is worthy to display his picture, which leads me back to why I pray for it to intercede, and make "my Lotto numbers" come up.

I have observed that every winner of a big lottery jackpot, as soon as they get in front of a news camera, thanks God for answering their prayers, and many of them make their first gesture of largess, an act of giving a bunch of money to their favorite church or charity. I figure if a meat packer in Iowa has his prayer answered, what can it hurt for me to ask for a large amount of money.

I'm absolutely positive that the God that created us with the primary imperative to survive and reproduce, would be proud of me if I used the money to buy a hot set of wheels, and a huge house that will attract a good looking babe, and at least went through the motions, being that at my age it ain't likely I'll produce any more of my species than I already have.

I suppose I'll be more like an elder statesman for Hedonism, which seems a lot more natural to me than going around telling people that ,"He" speaks to me, and desperately wants me to believe a bronze age story about how he fathered a son with a human virgin girl , and then arranged to have the boy murdered as a blood sacrifice to himself etc.. All this, in an age when blood sacrifices to Gods have long been out of fashion. If God wanted me to believe stuff like that, he wouldn't have given me any reasoning ability at all.

No, my version of god, by definition is far too big and benevolent to care about such things as blood sacrifices, although I'm not too sure that he isn't a bit of a voyeur, when it comes to making sure that we are reproducing properly. -- "OH God!"



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