OK, I get it now. You're not happy. But how is that my fault?
OK, so I created Satan and his angles, and I could have easily destroyed them or thrown them in prison, but I chose to let the roam free. And sure, I created Earth right smack dab in the middle of Satan Central, but is it really my fault my creation chose to disobey me?
Granted I could have stepped in like any father would and stopped it all right there or even waited till Satan and his buddies were finally rounded up (someday soon I promise), but it's always been My style to sit back and see what you do with the little information I have given. Like for instance a two year old crossing the street. Why teach him, when he can learn on his own and make the right choice? Right?
Now best you behave, because when you do make the wrong choice I will show up and write it all down and hold it against you later.
This whole mess isn't my fault? Really it isn't! How can it be my fault when you made the choice? You say I sit back and let Satan run a muck? Now is that really an excuse? Come on!
I gave you plenty of chances. Look at the flood! I whipped it all clean and let eight people restart it all over. And lets not forget my sending my son/me down to die for you. Wasn't that an awesome solution? I mean I control it all and yet that was my best idea. And look at all the nice people who followed me as a result. Man that Tammy Bakker sure was a looker wasn't she? And see how well I rewarded her? Cancer? Oh yeah, ignore that.
And look at Jan and Paul Crouch and all the fun they have. My best yet wouldn't you say?
Oh yeah! My Book! Can't forget that! Now that was a piece of work. How can you be all confused when you have such a clear and definite piece of work to follow. Forget all the little errors and contradictions, not my fault. It's those scribes and you know, they're only human. Oh yeah, thats not a valid excuse. Boy hell is sure getting full these days. Hmmmm
And most important, we have free will. After all you get to choose heaven or hell. But hey, no pressure right? I mean eternal glory or burn for all eternity. But at least you get a choice right? Follow me and live! Don't follow and BURN BABY! See? Free will!
And look how my message was spread all over the world. The wars, crusades, the Inquisition, and all the genocides. But my message got delivered and that's the important thing. And don't worry about all those children and babies that got slaughtered, after all they would have probably would have grown rebellious non-believers or something.
Then there is America, my nation. Hey, haven't you seen the currency? One nation under who? ME that's who! Forget all that free speech and freedom of religion crap. It only counts if its in my name. Just ask Pat Robertson and all his friends. I love those nativity scenes at the capital buildings around the US. But that Atheist sign really pissed me off! I can assure you I wrote that one down.
What? What prayer? I'm sure I got it written down here somewhere. Me dammit!
Well anyway, stop your complaining and excuses. Now get your act together. After all, I am coming back soon and I expect everyone to be ready and things to be in order. OR ELSE!
PS. I do love you. Really!