10/31/2002                                                                                       View Comments

God's Extremely Complex Plan of Salvation

by John Burton, April 2002

My Friend: I am asking you the most important question of life.Your joy or your sorrow for all eternity, or for at least a few years, months, days, or hours, depends upon your answer. The question is: Are you saved? Are you sure you will go to Heaven when you die?

God says in the Bible that in order to go to Heaven, you must be born again (John 3:7).

You can be saved today. How? Pay close and careful attention, because if you make one little mistake along the way and end up deviating even slightly from the requisite straight and narrow path to salvation, you will burn in Hell forever. Fair enough? Before I continue citing Bible verses, it would be wise for me to consider whether you the reader, recognize that the Bible, which contains the verse above, is the Word of God......or that God even exists. Let us therefore begin at the beginning.

You will need to consider each question, concept, or issue listed below and identify or devise an explanation which is reasonable and which reaches the correct conclusion. (I'm sure you know what the correct conclusions are.)

1: God

1.1: The most fundamental notion of God is that "god" is simply the term we use to describe some force, process, effect (or possibly a being) which is in some way linked to or responsible for the existence and nature of the cosmos. Must such a god exist? Can such a god exist? (We might call this god a "metaphysical" god.)

1.2: Is the idea that "God created the universe" internally contradictory?

1.3: If we assume or know that a metaphysical god exists (or existed at one time so that the universe could be created), how are we then justified in extending this.

1.4: Why is there no evidence for the existence of souls?

1.5: Why is there no evidence for immortality?

1.6: How can an all-good God create or coexist with evil?

1.7: How can a just and merciful God create or allow pointless or random suffering?

1.8: Why can't God be perceived, measured, or detected?

1.9: Why doesn't God do anything which is clearly distinguishable from a delusion on the part of one or more believers? Why are God's objective characteristics identical to those of something that does not exist?

1.10: How can the reasonableness and prevalence of nonbelief coexist in the same universe with a just and loving God?

2: Churches

2.1: Does the existence of a personal God necessitate a church? Why can't an individual human being communicate directly with God to ascertain God's existence, nature, and will, thus preventing the encroachment of any deceptions perpetrated, willfully or otherwise, by other people or organizations who claim to represent God or carry God's message?

2.2: If someone does communicate one-on-one with God as just noted, why should the knowledge they obtain by such a process be regarded as less valid than some other collection of spiritual knowledge?

2.3: If a church is necessary, how do we know which one, if any, accords with God's will? How do we know that Christianity is such
a church? On what basis can we examine and reject all competing faiths, including but not limited to: Babi/Baha'i, Buddhism, Confucianism, Hinduism, Islam, Jainism, Judaism, Shinto, Sikhism, Taoism, and Zoroastrianism? Why would God allow the confusion of these competing faiths to occur?

2.4: If Christianity is the true church of God, how do we know that conservative Protestantism is the only true branch of the true church of God? How can we reject all competing churches which call themselves Christian, including but not limited to: Catholic; Orthodox, Eastern Christian; African indigenous sects (AICs); Reformed, Presbyterian, Congregational, United; Methodist; Anglican; Lutheran; Jehovah's Witnesses; Adventist; Latter Day Saints (Mormon); Apostolic, New Apostolic; Stone-Campbell ("Restoration Movement"); New Thought (Unity, Christian Science, etc.); Brethren (incl. Plymouth); Mennonite; Friends (Quakers), etc.?

Why would God allow the confusion of these competing faiths to occur?

2.5: How do we know that Fundamentalism is the only true subbranch of the true branch of the true church of God? How can we reject all "non-Fundamentalist" sects within our own branch of Christianity, including but not limited to: Born-Again, Evangelical, Pentecostal, and Charismatic? Moreover, how can we distinguish among these various groups and our own in order to properly define our own group and constantly monitor it for compliance with God's Truth? Why would God allow the confusion of these competing faiths to occur?

3: The Bible

3.1: There is nothing in the Old Testament which foretells or requires any of the substantial concepts of the New. (Not in the OT: personal salvation, a "heavenly hope", the need to replace the system of obedience to the Law.)

3.2: Morality: No objective moral system in the Bible.

3.3: Contradictions: Hundreds of minor (Babylon: Ezra 2:41 vs Neh 7:44), intermediate (Alcohol: Pr 20:1; Dn 1:8 vs. Jg 9:13; Ps 104:15; Pr 31:6-9; Centurion: Mt 8:5-9 vs. Lk 7:1-7), and major (Sin: 1Jn 1:8 vs. 1Jn 3:6-9; 5:18; Faith and Works: Eph 2:8-9 vs. Jn 5:29; 1Jn 2:4) ones .

3.4: Atrocities (Divinely mandated mass-murder and rape: Num 31:17-18; Children cursed by God and mauled or killed for teasing: 2 Ki 2:23-24). 3.5: Failed prophecies, both minor (Tyre: Ezek 26:14-21; 27:36 vs. Mk 7:24 and history) and major (End times were imminent: 1Pe 4:7; Mt 16:27-28; Mk 9:1; Mk 13:30; Lk 9:27; 1Cor 1:7-8; Phil 4:5; 1Th 4:17; Heb 1:2; Heb 10:37; James 5:8; 1Jn 2:18; Rev 1:1,3; 3:11, 22:7; 22;12).

3.6: Incoherent or inexplicable concepts (the Trinity, atonement, the need for and purpose of eternal damnation).

4: Doctrine, Methods, Practices, and General Concerns

4.1: Christians generally admit that the Bible contains "trivial" errors, such as copyists' errors. Why? Moreover, how do we know that there are not major errors as well?

4.2: Christians often ignore some of the Bible's clear and simpleteachings (Materialism: Mat 6:19, 25, 34).

4.3: Christians declare that verses do not mean what they plainly say, in spite of the fact that there is nothing in the text to justify it.

4.4: Some Christians indoctrinate their children, rather than teaching them how to think and how to seek and consider diverse ideas, so that they can decide about the truth for themselves.

4.5: Why should a thoughtful, conscientious, truth-seeking person be condemned to burn forever in hell for seeking to avoid the error of accepting what appears very clearly to be a fraudulent and delusional claim based on groundless ancient superstitions?

4.6: God allegedly "loves" those who are burning in hell. How would their situation be different if God hated them?

4.7: Even if the Bible is true, how does this make the "believe or burn" message acceptable? How can it be moral or just to obey
based upon threats, even if one is certain that the threat is real?

5: Getting Saved, Step-by-Step

If you have been able to resolve any difficulties arising from the preceding issues, you have accepted the ideas of fundamentalist Biblical Christianity, and are prepared for the final phase: actually getting saved. The following steps have been documented elsewhere, and are presented here with only some brief comments:

5.1: You must be born again (as already noted). This simply means that you must be saved, that you can and must know you are going to heaven.

5.2: You must realize that you are a sinner, and that you will still be a sinner after you are saved (contrary to what the Bible actually says; see "Sin", section 3.3).

5.3: You must understand Jesus' atoning sacrifice. Although we cannot understand how, God said my sins and your sins were laid upon Jesus (although we still possess them, since we remain sinners) and He died in our place. He became our substitute. It is true. God cannot lie (as long as you ignore 1Ki 22:33; 2Chr 18:22; Jer 20:7; Ezek 14:9; 2Th 2:11). Are you paying attention? We cannot understand Jesus' atoning sacrifice, but you must understand it.

5.4: You must repent.

5.5: You must believe that Jesus was resurrected, although there is no corroborating evidence for this claim, and the Biblical details concerning it are contradictory.

5.6: You must believe that your salvation occurs because of faith, and not by good works, although, as already noted ("Faith and Works", 3.3), some Bible verses contradict this, or describe additional or alternative requirements.

Once saved, you should lead the life of a good Christian, although this is not essential to salvation itself, since you cannot lose your salvation (unless you believe Heb 6:4-6 or 2Pe 2:20-21). After you are saved, you should be baptized, then unite with a Bible-believing church. Pray, read the Bible, and witness to others. Oh, and of course, pay your tithing. (God is often short on cash.)

Your Bible-believing church will no doubt require various behaviors. It's not prefectly clear just how much you can deviate from these requirements. Some deviations are probably not serious. If you smoke but believe it's wrong and are trying to quit, you are probably OK. Some deviations are of course egregious, and will result in your damnation. For instance, believing you are saved by works. (Your Bible-believing church would never let you join in such a case, since you could not be saved.) What if you believe it's acceptable to dance, drink in moderation, listen to rock, country, or jazz music, wear pants (this applies to women only), or wear long hair (men only)?

What if you believe in and have carried out all of the steps above, but you also believe, for example, that you must be baptized to be saved? Play it safe and reject all of these things. Why take a chance? If you are wrong, you will burn in hell. (Of course, if I am wrong, I will burn in hell, along with those I convinced, but don't think about that.)

This tract is patterned after the ubiquitous "God's Simple Plan of Salvation" tract often distributed by Christian fundamentalists. (An
internet search for this phrase using Google returns 1260 hits as of this writing.) The tract was written in 1933 by Gaylord Ford Porter, who died in 1976. If you are not a fundamentalist, you will find that only some of this material applies to you. As to the intent of this tract, I think that it should be clear from the content.

Please realize that the manner in which issues have been raised is intended to be neither rigorous not comprehensive. This is not a philosophical treatise. In closing, I encourage you to switch on your brain and think about this stuff. Thank you for your attention.



"Mystery is essential to the impostor. Above everything else, the charlatan must avoid straightforward reasoning and simplicity of expression: too clear and direct a light would quickly destroy the spell he exerts, through eloquent ambiguity, over his victims. In all ages, the voice of the humbug has exercised a peculiar fascination -- it is his chief weapon. But though he has to speak and write continuously, his announcements are best couched in indefinite phrases, opaque and susceptible of many interpretations, like the words of Subtle, the alchemist in Ben Jonson's play of that name." [Grete de Francesco (translated from the German by Miriam Beard -- Yale University Press, 1939)]

10/24/2002                                                                                       View Comments

THINK

Okay, let's talk.

As a Christian I believed in GOD, in Jesus, in the Holy Spirit, in angels and demons, in prophesy, in coming judgement, in heaven and hell. I believed in creation, in a 6000-year-old earth, in Adam and Eve, in Noah and his ark, in Elijah and in Elisha. I believed I was chosen by God for eternal life, in supernatural healings, in words of knowledge, in speaking in tongues, in predestination, in freewill, in the Bible, and in so many other things that this list could go on, and on, and on.

I believed in all these things and thought anyone who did not believe in them was a fool. I pitied them. When I met others who believed in other religions, or in no religion, I was mystified as to how they could not see the truth of my CHRISTIANITY. In my mind, Christianity was so unique and so superior to all other religions that demon possession, or GOD having blinded their eyes, were the only explanations as to why others could not see clearly on the issue.

When I read mythology I would wonder how those other people could believe such bizarre stories. How could a rational person believe in such odd things? Somehow I wouldn't see that the stories I believed were pretty damn odd as well.

When I would see a bag-lady or some burn-out walking down the street, talking to themselves, I would judge them as mentally ill. When I would overhear children talking to imaginary friends, I would think they were cute, but very immature. When I heard people in church, including me, talking to invisible JESUS, I thought that was perfectly normal.

I thought that way because I was taught by my religion to think that way. Usually I was told that Christianity is not a religion but a relationship — a relationship with Jesus Christ, the invisible god-man.

Well I haven't seen HIM yet and as far as I can tell I was only talking to myself all those times I was on my knees.

The mind is powerful and the power of belief is quite persuasive. People who believe in themselves are generally more successful then people who do not believe in themselves. People who believe they are going to survive a surgery have a much better chance then those who believe they are going to die on the operation table.

Believing there is a GOD gives a certain strength not available to the existentialist. In a similar way, believing in Santa Claus gives a certain magic to Christmas morning not available to the non-Santa-believing child. It may be a certain strength or magic to believe in something, but believing in something does not make that something true or real.

It is a terrifying thought to many people to think that the universe is a cold impersonal place with no real plan for the future. If there is no GOD then we are just as likely to become extinct someday as the dinosaurs did ages ago. If there is no eternal plan for the residents on this planet, then one day the sun will die, and along with it, all life here on Earth.

Believing in GOD might be more comforting, giving the believer a certain worldview that is full of eternal hopes and possibilities, but again, believing in things doesn't make those things true.

Just as a child eventually has to leave behind his fantasies of Santa and the Easter Bunny, eventually we humans must abandon the pretend world of gods, heaven, hell and so on.

10/23/2002                                                                                       View Comments

The Religion is Bullshit Glorious Newsletter

October 16, 2002 A Voice for Reason, Rationality, and Common Sense in an Ocean of Religious Bullshit

Brainwashing and FEAR: The Tools of the Church

Welcome to the first edition of the Religion is Bullshit Glorious Newsletter!

I used to spend a lot of time debating Fundies on a few online debate forums. Most of them are nice enough people but apparently impervious to reason, logic, rationality, common sense, Reality, etc., when it comes to their religious beliefs. You can show a Fundie the truth and facts over and over and over again and they still won't get it. I have had the experience of having a Fundie state something dogmatic, like the absurd idea that the Bible is inerrant, that was easily disprovable. I disproved their claim and any reasonable person would have learned and adjusted their views. Not Fundies! They just keep posting the same tired, easily disproved arguments over and over again in spite of the fact that they have been soundly refuted. They refuse to learn. Why?

Brainwashing and FEAR. The Christian Church uses several known brainwashing techniques to gain and then keep converts. Here is an example: Ever been to a church service where the same song is sung over and over and over again? I have, and it is a common practice. What the vast majority of church members do not know is that this is a brainwashing technique. The repetition of the song breaks down mental barriers and puts people in an extremely suggestible state. The music plays a part as well. Deep bass tones played rhythmically and repeatedly will cause people to enter an altered state of consciousness - they go in and out of trance while the song is playing. Watch a Charismatic praise & worship service or pay attention next time you are in a church service. You will notice some folks staring blankly into space. They are in a hypnotic trance. Some preachers also use a speaking technique called "voice roll", I think, which also has a hypnotic effect. While in a relaxed, altered! state, most people's defenses (and critical thinking skills) are down and what they are taught at that time they will not necessarily think through for themselves. So, while the defenses are down, the brainwashing and indoctrination takes place.

FEAR is another tactic that the Christian Church uses and, unfortunately, they use it well. Christians are taught that the Bible is the "word of God" and that they have the ONLY truth. Anything that disagrees with the Bible and/or the Church's interpretation of the Bible is a deception. For example, all other religions are a deception. Evolution is a deception. If it doesn't agree with the Bible, it is a demonic deception designed to keep us from believing the Bible and therefore being "saved". According to the Church, you MUST believe their way or you have displeased God and are going to Hell FOREVER. The Hell doctrine is nothing more than a heinously cruel fear tactic that has been used successfully for centuries. It should be obvious that the concepts of a Loving God and an eternal Hell are diametrically opposed ideas. With this kind of pressure and these kinds of fear tactics, is it any wonder that Fundies don't think for themselves?

The best thing to do regarding your Fundie relatives and friends is to realize that, while they are well-meaning in their beliefs, they have been brainwashed. Brainwashed people cannot see the truth that is right before their eyes and they will deny facts that do not agree with their beliefs. Brainwashing causes a disconnect in the mind of the Believer between Reality and religious fantasy. Reality is filtered out in favor of the religious dogma/fantasy.

Recovery from brainwashing and the fear tactics absolutely is possible! There are those like me who woke up on their own and came back to Reality and there are those who are helped back to Reality by those who care about them.

It is very important to understand that Fundamentalist Christianity is a Destructive Cult, NOT a harmless and benign belief system. Any institution that employs brainwashing techniques and fear tactics CANNOT be considered to be a harmless and/or respectable institution.

Judge Not Lest You Be Judged!

I was briefly a member of a Yahoo! forum started by a Fundie who claimed that he could prove that Christianity is true. Well, I jumped right in there and proceeded to posting evidence pointing strongly to the fact that Christianity is NOT true. The owner of the group, although a Fundie, was impressed and open to looking at what I had posted. However, this did upset the hell out of one of the most closed-minded Fundies that I have ever encountered. He claimed to be a Christian, yet he was obnoxious, judgmental and at times viciously ugly in his responses to me. I offer these examples of his typically Christian attitude:

You are just one more person that does not believe in the resurrection of Christ. I happen to believe everything is only made possible through the Grace of Christ and the resurrection. One needs to be born both of the living water and the blood. The parting of the red seas into the promised land. Even as earth reflects heaven,the bible is the revelation of the resurrection of Christ. I know Christ rose from the Grave. The very essence of Him is like ocean roses on the wind beneath the wings of my spirit. Do I believe that Christianity represents a false church? No,but I believe that many people who think they have been born again in a basin of water are just fooling themselves and paying tithes to line the coffers of Satan. Real Christians have been resurrected in the flesh. Joan of arc was not roasted like a pig on a poke on a whim. The disciples,were not thrown to lions and beheaded and persecuted to propagate a lie. How many of you limp wristed and lily livered know it alls would go to the stake and be burned for your stupid suppositions? any of you? which one,come on,speak up. which one of you wants to stand by your paper and ink logically dissections? any of you? no,I did not think so. None of you are willing to stand by anything you write. But I will live and if need be,I will die in Christ. What God has brought together none of your pigs will separate. Joan of arc did not succumb to those pigs in robe know it all wannabe saints and nor will I succumb to stupid logically foolishness perpetuated by blind ignorance. True wisdom comes from God and those in the know willing go to the cross just as Jesus willing goes to the cross for them. Most of you wouldn't understand that because you are still carnies. time is of the essence so either get with the program or have a dip in fire lake.

Wow, wasn't that special?

And then this:

Poor little baby. Someone take your soother? Did I not tell you to run along? The god you worship is that bloated face you see in the mirror. How typical of you to blame all the problems of the world on Christians.One does not need to be a Christian to model the kind of behavior you exemplify. It is obvious you know absolutely nothing about the gospel according to Christ. You base your lack of faith on what other people do. Oh Christians are this and Christians are that and you are no different than many of them so why be so judgmental? You say they are fanatical in their religion and you have made a religion out of being nothing but an angry and hate filled fanatic yourself. have you even noticed? Is it Christians that you hate,or is it God? Oh I'm sorry,you don't believe in God right? Of course not,God is good and merciful and loving and you are of the opposite,so of course you don't believe in God. As for love,yes I do love. I even love heathen animals like you but don't think that means I have to fawn all over you and act all meek and sweet for your benefit. Love sometimes means reproof and rebuke and that's all I'm doing is reproving and rebuking you but you think I'm condemning you.lol! I don't need to condemn you,you do a great job of that all by yourself. Just keep talking,the grave you dig only gets deeper.

Fortunately, I think most Christians are a bit kinder than this religious fanatic asshole. He represents the worst among religious folks. He couldn't refute a single thing that I had posted. All he could do was spit venom at me and at the truth and facts that were upsetting his Fundie Fantasy Land.

Although this is an extreme example of Christian fundamentalism, the point is that most Christians ignore Jesus's command against judging others and they ignore quite a lot of other commands from their alleged Lord if following them is uncomfortable or not practical. Christians are, without a doubt, the most judgmental people on the face of the Earth! The attitude of a lot of Christians speaks volumes against the alleged "truth" of their religion, at least in my opinion.


Quotes For and About Fundies


"There are always those who, when they trip over the truth, get up, dust themselves off, and continue on as if nothing has happened."

The American historian, James Harvey Robinson (1863-1936), once wrote (with perhaps more psychiatric insight than historical):

"Few of us take the pains to study the origins of our convictions; indeed, we have a natural repugnance to so doing. We like to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to accept as true, and the resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions leads us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to them. The result is that most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already have."

Courtesy of:
www.religionisbullshit.com

10/22/2002                                                                                       View Comments

THE HISTORY OF LOVE AND SEX

Where does man stand today relative to love and sex? Where is he going? The answers to these questions come into clearer focus if one knows where man has been and the direction he is now moving. By objectively analyzing and studying the fascinating and sometimes startling history of love and sex, one can learn where man has been personally and sexually. Examining this history reveals the gradual but definite progress man has made toward identifying and developing rational and objective views of himself and of interhuman love and sexual relationships. The progress over the past 3200 years is outlined below. This table indicates that concepts such as love within marriage, the equality of women with men, and the mutual enjoyment of sex were unknown throughout most of recorded history. In fact, the concept of romantic love as the basis of sex and marriage has fully evolved only within the past century.

Although the course of progress zigzags dramatically over the centuries, progress of man toward fulfilling his physical, psychological and sexual needs has generally held an upward course throughout history. This progress closely follows his degree of freedom from the oppressive forces of government, the church and mysticism. Each major decline in human progress (such as the Dark Ages) occurred during periods when mysticism and religion dominated man's thought and crippled his rationality, which in turn allowed the government or church to oppress and diminish individual freedom and happiness.

Why is the history of love and sex important? Why should one be aware of where man has been and how his views on love and sex developed? This historical knowledge provides a helpful perspective for the objective validation or rejection of current views of love and sex. In addition, a person gains a clearer reflection of his own views when his position can be compared and contrasted to the undeveloped and erroneous views and positions of past history. Similarly, to fully know and understand what is right and good, one must know and understand what is wrong and evil. With a voyage through history, one can view the transformation of various undeveloped, erroneous, irrational, and invalid views on love and sex to the currently unfolding valid, rational and healthy views.

From a knowledge of history, a person can look optimistically into the future and predict that man will continue his climb toward more rational and healthier views about freedom, love and sex. Someday, in perhaps the not too distant future, most people will be sufficiently free from political, mystical and religious oppression to discover and apply the Advanced Concepts of Romantic Love. All people will then be free to exploit their potential for happiness through their own productivity and sexuality. This goal is not some distant, impractical Utopia. Quite to the contrary, this goal is now approaching as man, for the first time in history, has both the knowledge and the opportunity to break forever the dark grip of religious and political oppression and their destructive ethics of human sacrifice and altruism. Of more immediate importance, this goal, this freedom, this happiness can be experienced today by any productive individual in the Free World by applying the Advanced Concepts of Romantic Love .

Only by breaking the hoax of mysticism and altruism can men and women function in accordance with their own nature and objective reality. When the frauds of mysticism and altruism are exposed and rejected, the individual is then free to pursue psychuous pleasures, romantic love and long-range happiness.

Reviewing the history of love and sex in context with today's new and unfolding knowledge will help diminish the destructive influence of mysticism and altruism. Two well-researched and well-written books provide enlightening and fascinating reviews of love, sex and marriage from the Greco-Roman period to the present. One book is The Natural History of Love, written by Morton M.Hunt, an astute journalist who combines objective scholarship and in-depth research with an engaging style. Morton Hunt's book provides knowledge and insight into the evolution and development of the man-woman relationship in the Western world over the past 2500 years. Hunt's book is supplemented by Sex in History, written by G. Rattray Taylor. This book traces man's attitude toward love and sex from Grecian times to the present. Both Hunt's and Taylor's books vividly demonstrate the disastrous roles that mysticism, government and especially religion have played throughout the course of history in undermining man's means to his own well-being and happiness.

The following provides a summarized history of Western love and sex from 1300 B.C. to the present day.

THE HISTORY OF WESTERN LOVE AND SEX FROM 1300 B.C.TO THE TWENTIETH CENTURY

Ancient Greece (1300 B.C.-450 B.C.)

Homeric women (1300 B.C.-l 100 B.C.) were relatively free and exercised considerable influence over men, but remained virtuous and on double standards. With the high standard of living in later Greece, women became idle and lost their importance.

Golden Age of Greece (450 B.C.- 27 B.C.)

Wild bisexual love life of Alcibiades (450 B.C.), a student of Socrates and raised by Pericles.

High class prostitutes and courtesans were held superior to wives and "virtuous", women.

Greek men wanted faithful love, but tried to obtain it by gifts and trickery.

When Greek men actually did fall in love, they considered themselves as sick.

The Greeks never connected love with marriage. They found love either an amusement that quickly faded or a god-sent affliction that lasted too long.

Wives were considered only as housekeepers and mothers, not as lovers

Roman Empire (27 B.C.-385 A.D.)

Pagan love in Rome was guilt-free, lusty, unfaithful and deceitful.

Unlike Greeks, the Romans preferred sex without philosophy or significance.

Abortion and contraception were common. Babies were often discarded as garbage.

Octavian (Augustus) Caesar sought unsuccessfully to restore family unity and sexual "morality" via government force and the Julian laws . . . all were failures, even with death penalties.

Poet Ovid (2 B.C.) wrote a manual for sex and adultery, The Art of Love (Ars Amatoria), a brilliant, modern, fun, deceptive, cheerful and humorous book:
.Modern grooming tips.
.Sanctioned the use of tears by men.
.Sexual positions described that stressed mutual orgasm and satisfaction.

Most "liberated" Roman feminists failed to find emotional satisfaction.

Decline of the Roman Empire (100 A.D.-385 A.D.)

Roman empire (100 A.D.-300 A.D.) started surrendering to a bizarre new religion . . . Christianity. Rome then plunged into an asceticism of joyless and guilt-laden sex.

Christians linked all Roman evils to sex and pleasure.

Jovinian in 385 A.D. was excommunicated by the Pope for arguing that marriage was superior to celibacy.

Rise of Christianity and the Dark Ages (385 A.D.-1000 A.D.)

Rise of the unwashed hippies in Egypt. They developed and implemented the concepts of Christian sacrifice, self-torture and denial (e.g., St. Simon).

People became preoccupied with sex as Christians malevolently turned sex into a guilty and sinful activity (e.g., some burning off fingers to resist temptation). Neurotically inflamed eroticism continually increased with increased Christian condemnation of sex.

St. Augustine (born 354 A.D.)--promoted Christian guilt through his books: (1) Confessions--self-accusations of his personal dissipation during his pagan and lustful youth. He was converted to a Christian in 386 A.D. and turned his hatred against the goodness and pleasures of man. States we are born between feces and urine. (2) The City of God--his major work, speculates on how babies might be born from women untainted by sex. Demonstrates his hatred for human life.

In 585 A.D., the Catholics argued that women did not have a mortal soul.

By the 5th Century, marriage came under clerical domination.

The rise of Christianity brought the dark ages for civilization, love and happiness. Under Christian degradation, 6th Century Rome was repeatedly ravaged and looted. One million population was reduced to 50 thousand. The city lay in rubble and ruins. The hygiene, science, and culture of Rome was abandoned as Christianity and selfless altruism did their relentless destruction.

Christianity reduced sex to an unromantic, harsh and ugly act. Penance was cynically performed as often as required. Women became pieces of property.

Clergy turned to keeping mistresses. Scandal-ridden popes reigned (e.g., pope of 904 A.D. practiced incest and was a lecher with children).

By the 9th Century, Christianity dominated. Women were wasteful property. The church sanctioned wife beatings and leveled only relatively light fines for killing women. Noblemen had the "natural right" to ravish any peasant woman on the road and to deflower brides of vassals.

St. Jerome stated that he who too ardently loved his wife was a sinful adulterer.

Christian marital sex was performed only in one position and never during penance nor on Sundays, Wednesdays, Fridays, holiday seasons, and then only to conceive a child.

Pre-Renaissance Rise of Courtly Love (1000-1300)

The start of courtly love and the creation of the romantic ideal began in the 11th Century. In Southern France, noblemen developed a completely new set of love concepts from which a unique man/woman relationship arose that was previously unknown to Western civilization.

April 25, 1227, Ulrich von Lichtenstein started his incredible journey from Venice to Austria dressed as the female goddess Venus, challenging in a jousting battle every man enroute. He did this in the service of a woman who continually scorned him. Three centuries later this journey served as the basis for the satire, Don Quixote de la Mancha.

Courtly love or "true love" was a clandestine, bittersweet relationship of endless frustrations. Such a relationship was supposedly spiritually "uplifting", making the knight a better man and warrior. No love existed in marriage, but the pain of frustrated courtly love was considered uplifting, delicious and exciting.

The sex act was considered false love, but "true love" was kissing, touching, fondling and perhaps even naked contact.

Troubadours believed that unsatisfied passion improved one's character. They also believed that love could not exert itself between married people. They could give freely only without the compulsion of necessity (e.g., the compulsion of married people who were duty-bound).

For the first time, love was combined with character ennoblement (except to some degree with Greeks in their homosexual and courtesan relations).

Troubadour poets begged their ladies not to grant them sexual favors under any conditions (e.g., Dante's love for Beatrice in Vita Nuova who was a source of spiritual guidance rather than a sexual female)

In France, William II, Duke of Aquitaine (born 1071 A.D.), was the first of the troubadours. He introduced a new life style, love lyrics and social manners. His courtly-love concepts swept across Europe and are still with us today.

In 1122 A.D., William's granddaughter, Eleanor, became Queen of both France and England. She set up cultured courts and established the Court of Love, which codified and promoted courtly love. In Eleanor's court, a cleric named Andre wrote a love manual, Tractatus de Amore et de Amoris Remedio (Treatise on Love and Its Remedy). This was a serious exposition on courtly love and its rules.

Eleanor's court held that love should be an equal relationship, consisting of an interplay of mutual emotions. This was a radical idea for the 12th Century. The court also held that love can exist only in affairs and not in marriage.

Poet Chretien, on orders from Eleanor, developed the romantic story of Sir Lancelot and Guinevere.

Eleanor's gay, happy and civilized life lasted four years. King Henry II then swept in and ruined the court in 1174.

Courtly love introduced the elements of emotional relationships between men and women for the first time. This was a revolutionary concept where love was based on mutual relationships involving respect and admiration. Courtly love elevated woman from a servant and housekeeper to a more equal partner and an inspirer of progress.

The Church vs. the Renaissance (1300-1500)

Courtly love mocked religion. Churchmen fought this new, happy love (e.g., St. Thomas stated that to kiss and touch a woman with delight, even without thought of fornication, was a mortal sin).

Priests and religious fanatics began a 300-year period of flagellation where they paraded in hordes from town to town praying and whipping themselves and each other into bloody pulps.

The struggle was between the darkness of religion and the enlightenment of the Renaissance. Also the papal power struggled against the resurgence of pro-man, pro-life Aristotelian ideas.

The church moved in and a new breed of malefactors not known before appeared. They were the inquisitors who were backed by a series of murderous papal pronouncements and bulls.

By 1450, the official Catholic dogma was established that witches existed and could fly by night. All physically desirable women were projected by the church as evil sorceresses. The church was losing its power and this was their means to fight the rising rationalism and happiness brought on by the emerging Renaissance.

Inquisitors Jacob Sprenger and Henry Kramer, Dominican brothers and professors of sacred theology at the University of Cologne, armed with their influential book. Malleus Maleficarum ("The Witches' Hammer"), and with Pope Innocent VII's infamous Bull of 1484, extracted from women "confessions" they wanted with horrible tortures. They burned to death over 30,000 "witches" charged with having sex with the Devil, whom the Church insisted had a brutal penis covered with fish scales.

Crosscurrents and contradictions raged between the happy and pleasurable love arising from the enlightened Renaissance spirit and the hatred of women (wicked witches) arising from the dark and malevolent spirit of the Church.

Aging Pope Alexander VI had many teenage mistresses.

In the 16th Century, impotent Duke of Urbino and Elizabetta Gonzaga engaged in a platonic love affair that resulted in a handbook on courtly manners, The Courtier, by Castigliones.

Queen Marguerite of France was involved in intense but platonic love affairs with twelve men simultaneously She also wrote a collection of 72 tales titled Heptameron that were bawdy and ribald. These were tales of platonic and "perfect love" mixed with orgies, incestuousness, partner swapping, sexually insatiable priests, etc.

Marriage was based on both physical and financial aspects. Love was neither the basis for marriage nor any essential part of it. Marriage was a lifelong financial transaction. Marriage usually took place at 14-16 years old, and sometimes at 2-3 years old and included a dowry plus income and property guarantees.

Henry VIII in his youth (before his horrible self-debauchment) was slim, athletic, handsome and intellectual. He was the first major figure to combine love and marriage represented by his long battle with Bishop Wolsey and Pope Clement VII about divorce and marriage to Anne Boleyn.

Woman's status was changing. Writers were trying to play both sides of this change (e.g., a book by Pyvve titled, The Praise and Dispraise of Women). Contrasting approaches also appeared in classical literature (e.g., Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet vs. The Taming of the Shrew).

New concepts of joining the mind and the body in love and marriage were developing.

The middle class was being attracted to the romantic love concepts of the nobility.

Renaissance enlightenment with its atheistic echoes made sex seem not so sinful and disgusting as the church projected. The middle class began to associate sex with love.

The completely new concept that young married should live together alone in a dwelling of their own began developing in the 17th Century.

While the status of woman as a human being and as a love object was rising, her legal status remained little better than in the Middle Ages. All property belonged to the husband. Wife beating was still legal.

The Puritans (1500-1700)

Puritans were not anti sex. Quite to the contrary, they were value-oriented about love and sex, even romantically sentimental.

The Reformation combined the enlightened Renaissance (marital sex was held as good and wholesome) with the malevolent Christian position that continued to burn women as witches.

Dr. Martin Luther (1483-1546) battled against Catholic asceticism in advocating the enjoyment of every pleasure that was not sinful. Luther was lusty and vulgar in the "eat, drink and be merry" style. He claimed to have broken wind in the Devil's face and to have told him to "lick his ass". He fought Rome and claimed that celibacy was invented by the Devil and that priests could marry. He asserted marriage was not a sacrament at all, but a civil matter. In 1532, he held that Christ probably committed adultery with Mary Magdalene and other women so as to fully experience the nature of man. Luther asserted that sexual impulses were both natural and irrepressible. He broke from Rome and married. Luther's reformation rapidly spread across Northern Europe.

The Bluenoses-John Calvin (1509-1564) was the opposite of Martin Luther. Calvin was cheerless and had a viciously malevolent theology based on total human depravity and the implacable wrath of God. An unhappy and unhealthy ascetic, he had ulcers, tuberculosis, and migraine headaches and considered life of little value and God as a harsh tyrant. Calvin set up a brutal political theocracy in Geneva. No dancing, fancy clothes, and jewelry were allowed. Death penalty for adultery. Even legitimate love was stringently regulated. Solemn weddings with no revelry. The Calvin marriage had two functions: (1) to produce offspring, (2) to eliminate incontinence.

Most Puritans thoroughly rejected the inhuman joylessness of Calvinism, except for a vocal minority such as John Knox in the United States. His Blue Laws of the 1650s were against Sunday amusements, smoking, drinking, gambling, fancy clothing, etc. He also promoted public whippings, scarlet letters, execution for adulterers, and the Salem "witch" executions.

Stern puritan traits were often only expressions that masked moods of mischief and romance. Church trial records show that much sexual "sinning" existed. But only sex outside of marriage was attacked. Puritans greatly enjoyed sex inside marriage and condemned the "popish" concept of the virtue of virginity Most Puritans were tenderly romantic and good lovers.

The image of the sexless and heartless Puritan is false. Consider the 17th Century Puritan, John Milton (Paradise Lost); he was virtuous, but experienced a healthy view of sex. He displayed idealistic and romantic views about marriage. Milton sent tracts to Parliament urging modern-day, easy divorce (" with one gentle stroking to wipe away 10,000 tears out of the life of man"). Milton,s Paradise Lost projects a benevolent view of Adam and Eve in a romantic love context. Milton entirely rejected St. Augustine's malevolent views of women, sex and life.

16th Century Puritans tried to combine the ideals of love with the normality of sex into marriage. They also valued money more than leisure, and success more than culture. Woman's status improved under Puritanism (e.g., a woman could separate, even divorce, if beaten). Property rights and inheritance laws improved. Marriage became a civil contract.

17th Century Puritans were pious and severe, but also strongly sexed and somewhat romantic.

18th Century Puritans started hellfire-and-brimstone sermons.

19th Century Puritans developed the stifling prudishness of the Victorians.

The Age of Reason (1700-1800)

By mid-18th Century, emotional love had fallen out of favor among the upper classes and intellectuals (rationalists). They wanted a new approach that would be more stable and productive. They turned from emotion to reason. Theology and metaphysics yielded to mathematics and physics. They scorned enslavement to emotion. Emotionalism became intolerable to men in the Age of Reason. They wanted women of intellect. They separated or dichotomized the mind from the body.

The epitome of rational gallantry was Louis XIV, the Sun King of France. All Europe saw him as the ideal of the aristocracy and a model for all lesser men. He established elaborate rules of etiquette that served to suppress all evidence of emotion.

Nobility concealed feelings with the aid of detached reason and carefully rehearsed manners.

In between the gallant rakes and the subdued Puritans arose an upper-middle-class man (as described in Samuel Pepys, diary, 1683). The age of enlightenment had arrived. New scientific and rational outlooks replaced mystical and intuitive ones of the past. A humane and tolerant view of man that saw him as basically good, worthy and admirable replaced the Christian theology that saw man as besotted and laden with guilt and sin.

Never before had such emphasis been placed on manners. An artificial code of formal behavior was consciously and deliberately applied in order to control one's emotions. The emotional life of humans disappeared behind the facade of elegant manners and icy self-control.

Almost any behavior was acceptable as long as emotions were concealed. Even private intimate convensations were stilted with remote and detached words.

The rationalists scorned the gloom of Christianity. They scrapped the church's concept of women as evil, but they often viewed women as ornaments, toys or unreasonable nitwits and still held women as subservient.

18th Century love idealized the mythical Don Juan who was impeccably mannered, lustful, haughty and false. Love was often reduced to malicious sport with the motive to seduce.

Giovanni Jacopo Casanova (born 1725) was an adventurer who had a brilliant mind. He wrote two dozen books covering math, history, astronomy and philosophy.

By mid-18th Century, flirtation and romance were no longer an exclusive part of aristocratic tradition, but were common in the bourgeois or middle class.

Ben Franklin was a rationalist with guiltless views of sex.

Victorianism (1800-1900)

During 19th Century Victorianism, the ideas of nobility and birthright were declining with the rise of capitalism and the industrial revolution. Newly rich entrepreneurs were growing wealthy and tried to copy ways of the upper class with lower class customs. Urbane control of one's emotions was losing popularity to "sensibility". A maudlin "sensitivity" became the ideal. Love now became a mighty force and noble goal. Men grew shy, inhibited and fearful of rebuff as they began backing away from sexuality. They sought not the dazzling flirtatious woman, but the shy, virginal one.

Victorianism stood for high "moral" standards, close-knit families and glorified views of women. At the same time, prostitution was widespread and the structure of marriage was crumbling as women began revolting against their oppressive "glorified" status.

Jean Jacques Rousseau was one of the most influential forces in forming a new, viciously oppressive political "liberalism" that was combined with slobbering sentimentality. His sex life was one of incompetence misery and frustration. He often displayed sick sentimental tears. He hungered for cruelty and beatings and lived with women vastly inferior to him in order to boost his low confidence and weak self-esteem. He gave away his own children. He wrote with maudlin sentimentality. Europe was deeply under Rousseau's influence. After his death, his ideas were eagerly adopted by the social "intellectuals" and "liberal" politicians and have dominated them to the present day.

Rousseau appealed to the seriousness of the middle class. Laughter and wit went out of style. Emphasis began to focus on female modesty. The social "intellectuals" gradually became anti-sex and anti-pleasure oriented. Thomas Bowdler censored Shakespeare's works in 1818. Immanuel Kant died at eighty, a virgin. Open displays of sentimentality, melancholy and tearfulness became chic. For example, the Irish poet, Tom Moore, got sentimental even for the stones in a road.

The clinging-vine personality in women developed: women should be modest, virtuous and sweet. They should be weak and anxious to lean on and be dominated by strong men.

With rising prosperity and development of public school systems made possible by the industrial revolution, children began to move outside of the home, depriving women of many of their functions. The reasonably affluent man no longer needed an all-work woman. He could now concentrate more on a woman's value as a love partner.

Togetherness concepts developed. With his sweet home-making wife, a new style of home-life patriarch arose. The stay-at-home husband was to spend every available hour with his good wife.(e.g., Corbett's book, Advice to a Young Man, frowns on social activities with others in stating, "If they are not company enough for each other, it is but a sad affair".)

Women had to be "morally" spotless. This led to excessive prudishness in word and actions. Prudishness then spread from sex to bathroom functions.

Encyclopaedia Britannica of 1842 stated that the female had no privileges except to barely consent or refuse a man. A woman being courted was permitted to summon up a "timid blush" or the "faintest of smiles" to convey her feelings.

The Brownings supposedly never saw each other entirely naked.

United States Surgeon General, William Hammond, stated that decent women felt not the slightest pleasure during intercourse. Many doctors considered sexual desire in women to be pathological and warned that female passion could cause sterility. Many thought only prostitutes could enjoy sex.

The woman's role was glorified and idealized, but this was only a new pretext for their continued subjugation by men. Women literally made themselves helpless through fashion. They immobilized them. selves in laces and stays.

Victorian men were patriarchal and stern, but they played this role at their own sexual expense.

Out of this Victorian repression arose a great hunger for a fantasy sex life. Flagellation, pornography and prostitution rose dramatically (e.g., 50,000 prostitutes in London in 1850 and over 300,000 copies of the pornographic book, A Monk's Awful Disclosures, were sold before the Civil War).

Nearly all written works about the private lives of Victorians, on the other hand, were "purified" by omitting all references to sex and love life.

Decline of Victorianism, the Rise of Capitalism, and the Emancipation of Women (1850-1900)

Emancipation started in 1792 with Mary Wallstonecraft and her attacks on marriage and the subjugation of women. Her work was undermined by her badly misguided condemnation of masturbation and her advocation of government force to stop prostitution. In 1833, Oberlin was the first college to admit women. In 1837, Mt. Holyoke became the first women's college. With the rise of capitalism, women gained economic rights never before enjoyed. Capitalism broke up autocratic church power and the feudal-nobility pattern.

During the 1840s, the new middle class began growing rapidly. Capitalistic economics were accelerating the dissolution of class differences along with ancient social ties and repressive customs.

The rigid Victorian home was threatened by female suffrage, divorce reforms and free love.

Victorianism was a desperate delaying action (in collusion with the church) against inevitable changes made by capitalism and the industrial revolution.

Victorianism and religion tried to fight change and to retain the subjugated position of women by government force and police activities.

Emergence of Twentieth Century Romantic Love (1900-1930)

With the partial emergence of capitalism grew a new age of romantic love. America's increasing divorce rate reflected not the failure of love but the increasing refusal of people to live without love and happiness.

Love patterns of all modern societies were replaced by America's model because so many people were drawn to the romantic love style that combined sexual outlet, affectionate friendship and family functions, all in a single relationship.

Romantic attraction not only became desirable, but became the only acceptable basis for choosing a lifelong partner.

Romantic love was made possible by capitalism and the industrial revolution. With romantic love, the sexual desires of both partners could be satisfied within marriage. All the tenderness and excitement of love could coexist with household cares and child rearing. Romantic love was the most difficult and complex human relationship ever attempted . . . but the most appealing and satisfying.

Soviets detached individual values from sex (e.g., they promoted the concept that sex was no more than drinking a glass of water).

The modern Sexual Revolution discarded the 19th Century prudish and patriarchal Victorian-Christian patterns. Sexual liberation has made achievement of sexual pleasure increasingly important.

Children were no longer an economic asset, but a costly luxury valuable only for love. For example, in 1776, Adam Smith estimated an American child was worth £100 in profit before he left home; by 1910 a city child cost thousands of dollars; by 1944 a child cost about $16 thousand to raise to adulthood; by 1959 a child cost about $25 thousand to raise. In 1975, costs for raising a child to adulthood will average $50-$75 thousand, not allowing for future inflation.

Isadora Duncan (1900-1927) was a symbol of flaming feminism with her free-love and unwed motherhood stances. She claimed that sexual love should be ecstatic for women. Margaret Sanger staged a heroic fight for birth control claiming that a woman's body belonged to her alone. She published birth control information in 1914 and opened birth control clinics in 1916. Catholic elements had her arrested and jailed. But her work spread. By 1930, over 300 birth control clinics had been established.

Margaret Sanger separated lovemaking from procreation. This brought the traditional ideal of a monogamous, faithful marriage under attack.

Complete freedom by each partner was advanced by intellectuals such as H. G. Wells, Bertrand Russell Havelock Ellis, Judge Ben Lindsay.

Havelock Ellis offered ideas in 1900 that were remarkably similar to those advanced in 1973 by the O'Neill's in their book, Open Marriage.

The Sexual Revolution also stressed the mechanical aspects of the sex act. In Marie Stopes' book, Married Love (1918), the woman's right to orgasm was promoted. Orgasm was described as a thing-in-itself. Wilhelm Reich proposed that orgasm failure was the cause of major mental and physical diseases. He even advocated masturbation to combat cancer via flow of sexual energy.

Modern Romantic Love (1930-Present)

Free love and open marriage developed in the 20th Century along with progressive polygamy via repeated marriage and divorce. Sexual enjoyment was accepted as a human right.

The need for reassurance of one's personal self-esteem made this new form of romantic love popular and desired. Themes of love, heartbreak and eventual happiness became popular and dominated the soap operas.

Dating started in the 1920s as a new way of mate selection made necessary by city life. Shy, passive femininity was being discarded. The crucial feature of dating was freedom from commitment while young people learned and experimented.

Dating was criticized by many altruistic sociologists and social "intellectuals" as a loveless, competitive contest. But dating was a healthy breakthrough and generally a cheerful and happy activity. Dating was an educational process, leading from playful heterosexual behavior to companionship and love.

Premarital relationships became more open and intimate than relationships of the past. Potential partners were able to know each other much more deeply through intimate dating.

This new romanticism was at once both idealistically romantic and practical.

Many conditions were similar to Roman times (economic and legal emancipation of women, well-to-do city life, children being a luxury rather than an asset, and sexual enjoyment deemed a right for all). One profound difference existed . . . Romans moved away from married life while Americans became more marriage-minded than ever before. And when marriage failed, Americans would divorce and head right back into another marriage.

Most altruistic sociologists have strongly criticized romantic love while praising conjugal love. Their attacks are, however, distorted and out of context. They project romantic love as it was idealized in the medieval period when love could not exist within marriage.

Romantic feelings are not only for new loves and adolescents, but are also for long-married couples.

Women have gained the right to be equal to men, but many women are afraid of the demands and challenges of being an equal; other women hold the erroneous fear that equality might cost them the chance for love and marriage.

Inequality for females is no longer a matter of law. Men and women now have essentially the same educational and economic opportunities, but most American wives still do not work.

To the average man, his job is what he is. To the average woman, a job is only to make money. The average American wife suffers from a chronic, low-grade dissatisfaction, diminished self-esteem and increasing boredom.

Most women are confused about their "role" and do not really know what they want to be in life. Surveys of two college campuses indicated that 40% of the coeds admitted "playing dumb" with interesting men because many men feel threatened by overtly intelligent women (M. Kamarovsky, Women in the Modern World, Little, Brown & Co., 1953).

Modern love makes sense and is exercising its immense appeal all over the world.

Modern romantic love is almost everyone's goal. Today, the value and purpose of romantic love is, above all else, directed toward the fulfillment of major emotional needs

Future Romantic Love (the next 100 years)

Instruments of force and coercion are identified and eliminated through a philosophical and intellectual revolution. All forms of altruism, religion and mysticism are identified and exposed as destructive fraud and are rejected. As a result, coercive governments and agencies of force are also rejected. The life and property rights of the individual are fully recognized and protected. Total physical, emotional and intellectual freedom is possible. Concepts of minority rights and women's rights are replaced with concepts of individual rights. Romantic love, psychuous pleasures and long-range happiness are experienced by most people and available to all people through the Advanced Concepts of Romantic Love.

Man's greatest and ultimate achievement, biological immortality, becomes a reality for all productive human beings.

Original article can be found HERE

Negative comments to the original article can be found HERE

Okay, I may be dreaming here, but this sure sounds a lot better than Jesus coming back to destroy the infidels, don't you think?

10/15/2002                                                                                       View Comments

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God’s Existence

(adapted from a forum on the Internet Infidels)

TRANSCENDENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) If God exists, then if reason exists then God exists.
(3) Reason exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

COSMOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) If I say something must have a cause, it has a cause.
(2) I say the universe must have a cause.
(3) Therefore, the universe has a cause.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) I define God to be X.
(2) Since I can conceive of X, X must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) I can conceive of a perfect God.
(2) One of the qualities of perfection is existence.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

MODAL ONTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) God exists.
(2) God, existing, is either necessary or unnecessary.
(3) God is not unnecessary, therefore God must be necessary.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT
(1) Check out the world/universe/giraffe. Isn't it complex?
(2) Only God could have made them so complex.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT II)
(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

MORAL ARGUMENT (I)
(1) Person X, a well-known atheist, was morally inferior to the rest of us.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

MORAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) In my younger days I was a cursing, drinking, smoking, gambling, child-molesting, thieving, murdering, bed-wetting bastard.
(2) That all changed once I became religious.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATION
(1) If evolution is false, then creationism is true, and therefore God exists.
(2) Evolution can't be true, since I lack the mental capacity to understand it; moreover, to accept its truth would cause me to be uncomfortable
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we're all going to die.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE
(1) [arbitrary passage from OT]
(2) [arbitrary passage from NT]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLIGENCE
(1) Look, there's really no point in me trying to explain the whole thing to you stupid atheists -- it's too complicated for you to understand. God exists whether you like it or not.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNINTELLIGENCE
(1) Okay, I don't pretend to be as intelligent as you guys -- you're obviously very well read. But I read the Bible, and nothing you say can convince me that God does not exist. I feel him in my heart, and you can feel him too, if you'll just ask him into your life. "For God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son into the world, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish from the earth" John 3:16.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTIMIDATION
(1) See this bonfire?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

PARENTAL ARGUMENT
(1) My mommy and daddy told me that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Millions and millions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Maranathra!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ECONOMY
(1) God exists, you bastards!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

BOATWRIGHT'S ARGUMENT
(1) Ha ha ha.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTERNET AUTHORITY
(1) There is a website that successfully argues for the existence of God.
(2) Here is the URL.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPREHENSIBILITY
(1) Flabble glurk zoom boink blubba snurgleschnortz ping!
(2) No one has ever refuted (1).
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

MITCHELL'S ARGUMENT
(1) The Christian God exists.
(2) Therefore, all worldviews which don't assume the Christian God's existence are false and incomprehensible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (I)
(1) Atheists are spiritually blind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Ray Charles is blind.
(4) Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

SLATHER'S ARGUMENT
(1) My toaster is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SHEER WILL
(1) I DO believe in God! I DO believe in God! I do I do I do I DO believe in God!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POST-DEATH EXPERIENCE
(1) Person X died an atheist.
(2) He now realizes his mistake.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

CALVINISTIC ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CROCKERY
(1) Pots don't go around giving orders to the potter.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASS PRODUCTION
(1) Barbie dolls were created.
(2) If Barbie dolls were created, then so were trees.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PAROCHIALISM
(1) God is everywhere.
(2) We haven't been everywhere to prove he's not there.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INFINITE REGRESS
(1) Ask atheists what caused the Big Bang.
(2) Regardless of their answer, ask how they know this.
(3) Continue process until the atheist admits he doesn't know the answer to one of your questions.
(4) You win!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INCREDULITY
(1) How could God NOT exist, you bozo?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RESURRECTION
(1) Proof of God's existence will be available when you rise bodily from your grave.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIOGENESIS
(1) Where did Adam come from, dummy?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STEADFAST FAITH
(1) A lot of really cool people believed in God their entire lives.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [atheist gives up and goes home]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSECURITY
(1) We have gone to absolutely berserk lengths to establish that atheists are laughable morons.
(1.5) Actually, we did so in the hopes of curing our own insecurities about theism -- but there's no chance in hell we'll ever admit that.
(2) Therefore, atheists are laughable morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior. Because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERFECTION
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible, or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INDULGENCE
(1) Atheists like to think that they can control their emotional desires.
(2) But they're atheists, so they can't.
(3) Therefore, atheists feel the need to indulge in whatever they feel like without worrying about committing sin.
(4) This just goes to show how they need God in their lives.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HATE
(1) Some atheists hate Christians and Christianity.
(2) That's why they don't believe in God.
(3) Pathetic, aren't they?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM QUENTIN SMITH
(1) Quentin Smith says that God does not exist.
(2) But God does exist.
(3) Therefore, Quentin Smith cannot be accepted as an expert on the matter, because he is wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIL SPIRITS
(1) I've just had contact with evil spirits.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSANITY
(1) No sane person could have thought up Christianity
(2) Therefore, it must be true
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM EXHAUSTION (abridged)
(1) Do you agree with the utterly trivial proposition X?
(2) Atheist: of course.
(3) How about the slightly modified proposition X'?
(4) Atheist: Um, no, not really.
(5) Good. Since we agree, how about Y? Is that true?
(6) Atheist: No! And I didn't agree with X'!
(7) With the truths of these clearly established, surely you agree that Z is true as well?
(8) Atheist: No. So far I have only agreed with X! Where is this going, anyway?
(9) I'm glad we all agree.....
....
(37) So now we have used propositions X, X', Y, Y', Z, Z', P, P', Q and Q' to arrive at the obviously valid point R. Agreed?
(38) Atheist: Like I said, so far I've only agreed with X. Where is this going?
....
(81) So we now conclude from this that propositions L'', L''' and J'' are true. Agreed?
(82) I HAVEN'T AGREED WITH ANYTHING YOU'VE SAID SINCE X! WHERE IS THIS GOING!?
....
(177) ...and it follows that proposition HRV, SHQ'' and BTU' are all obviously valid. Agreed?
(178) [Atheist either faints from overwork or leaves in disgust]
(179) Therefore, God exists.

MR. GOODSALT'S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM GENERAL INQUIRY)
(1) Question for atheist population: [apparently random question]
(2) Your answer is wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM ORIGINALITY
(1) I have written the following to demonstrate the existence of God.
(2) [insert entire text of a William Lane Craig article]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
(1) You use lots of big words.
(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question]
(2) [Atheist answers question]
(3) [A lapse of time]
(4) [Christian repeats question]
(5) [Atheist repeats answer]
(6) [A lapse of time]
(7) [Christian repeats question]
(8) [Atheist repeats answer]
(9) [A lapse of time]
(10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
(11) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE ECONOMICS
(1) Protestant Christian nations are rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
(1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY
(1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INEVITABILITY
(1) I have proof that God exists.
(2) I won't bother to tell you what it is because, being atheists, you would be hostile to the conclusion anyway.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM "THE MATRIX"
(1) We cannot prove that we don't live in a Matrix-like world.
(2) Therefore we cannot know reality.
(3) If reality is contingent, then everything is possible.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SUBJECTIVITY
(1) Everything is subjective.
(2) No subjective proof can be superior to any other subjective proof.
(3) Based upon my subjective opinion, your opinion, that if everything is subjective then, perforce, God is subjective, is false.
(4) Therefore, God (objectively) exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTMODERNISM
(1) I'm going to prove to you that God exists.
(2) [insert any of the other arguments on this page in here]
(3) [atheist refutes argument]
(4) I cannot prove there is a God anymore than anyone of us can prove we really exist in a tangible world.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

Meta-Proof
(1) This is a proof of God's existence.
(2) If the reader finishes reading this proof, the existence of God will be proven to him/her.
(3) If the existence of God is proven, then God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

Proof By Anecdote
(1) God can be seen by those who believe in Him.
(2) If the God is seen, then He must exist.
(3) I have seen God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY
(1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody named Jesus, maybe.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

BENDER’S ARGUMENT(II)
(1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof. I prayed and they went away.
(2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.
(3) Also, God exists.

RANDMAN’S ARGUMENT
(1) This entry from the 1975 World Book Encyclopedia on evolution contains some errors that I claim to have already substantiated.
(2) Mr. Ph.D.-in-Evolutionary-Biology, this proves that evolution is an unsound scientific concept.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (aka Metacrock's Argument)
(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
(2) One of them is probably true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORTUITOUS COINCIDENCE
(1) What are the odds of that happening?
(2) Pretty long, I’ll bet.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

BENDER’S ARGUMENT III (ARGUMENT FROM DAVID BLAINE)
(1) If David Blaine does real magic, then God exists.
(2) It looked real on his TV special.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MYSTERIOUS USE OF PREPOSITIONS
(1) It is impossible to disprove God with your puny human intellect unless you are above God.
(2) Are you higher than God?
(3) I’ll take that puzzled look on your face as a no.
(4) Therefore, God (being the highest thing ever) exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TEEN CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT
(1) God is so totally awesome, dude, and if you would pretend that Creed and POD were good bands, you would realize that.
(2) Also, our Youth Group leader Skip once, like, cured a broken leg using only the power of the almighty Lord.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TOUNGES
(1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
(2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
(3) The only explanation is God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EUROPEAN HISTORY
(1) Many prominent thinkers in pre-modern Europe believed in God.
(2) Let’s just forget about the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN
(1) If there is a designer, then God must exist.
(2) If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer.
(3) *throws watch into forest*
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE
(1) God exists.
(atheist makes counterarguments)
(2) You know what? I am offended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
(1) God exists.
(atheist makes counterarguments)
(2) You have my prayers.

ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM
(1) I don't know and you don't know either.
(2) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM LOVE
(1) Have you ever fallen in love?
(of course!!)
(2) So what is the cause of love? Isn't it God? Am I right or not?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IDENTITY (PC argument)
(1) Believing in God is a central part of my identity.
(2) You don't mean to deny my identity do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORMATTING
(1) Behold, foolish atheists, I present you with an incontrovertible proof of the existence of God.
(2) [Christian posts 10,000 word document without a single paragraph break]
(3) [Atheists’ eyes implode]
(4) I see that nobody can refute (2).
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NON-CONFRONTATION
(1) I am not here to argue with you atheists.
(2) But come on, God obviously exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EXODUS
(1) If the Exodus story has any basis in historical fact, then God exists.
(2) Some guy found some chariot wheels at the bottom of the Red Sea.
(3) There is absolutely no other way that chariots could get to the bottom of the Red Sea.
(4) This means the Exodus story is true.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MARTYRDOM
(1) The apostles would not have died for something they knew wasn't true.
(2) Atheist gives examples of martyrs outside Christendom.
(3) Obviously those examples were fooled by Satan.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TINKERBELL
(1) I really want God to be real.
(2) If you wish for something really hard, it'll come true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF DISPROOF
(1) You can't prove God doesn't exist!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (I)
(1) I once experienced something I can't explain.
(2) Atheists offer several possible, natural explanations.
(3) You're just guessing! I was there.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ANECDOTAL EXPERIENCE (II)
(1) I have experienced feelings of God's presence in my mind.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE
(1) Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for mystical experiences.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EYEWITNESS (I)
(1) You weren't there to witness abiogenisis/big bang/etc.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (sometimes follows or combined with Lack of Eyewitness I)
(1) Someone wrote the creation story in the bible.
(2) That someone must have been an eyewitness to the described events.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EYEWITNESS (II)
(1) No one's ever seen one species turn into another.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HALF A WING
(1) Half of a wing is useless!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
(1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FOOLISHNESS
(1) The bible says atheists are fools.
(2) I don't want to be a fool.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PIG'S TEETH
(1) Some scientists once thought a tooth was from an "ape-man."
(2) Later scientists discovered it was a pig's tooth.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION
(1) Someone made fun of my faith.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS SAID STUFF
(1) Jesus said some really cool stuff.
(2) No one else had said that stuff.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIFFERENCES
(1) The Christian God is different than the gods of other religions.
(2) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

THE ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN MORALITY (although it could probably be adapted to just about any religion)
(1) Somewhere, someone who called himself or herself a Christian did something nice.
(2) This person was probably not lying.
(3) Therefore, this person was a Christian.
(4) Therefore, Christians do nice things.
(5) Therefore, Christians are moral.
(6) Christians believe in the Bible.
(7) Therefore, the Bible is moral.
(8) The Bible is God's word. It says so.
(9) Therefore, God is moral.
(10) (We are just ignoring all the not-nice things that Christians may or may not have done in the past, it's hard to trust history anyway, there are enemies of God working everywhere).
(11) A moral God would be really nice.
(12) Therefore, God exists.

THE ARGUMENT FROM CRAZINESS, aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT
(1) I would go crazy if I didn't believe in God.
(2) I am not crazy.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM CHOCOLATE (aka Mrs. Pope's proof)
(1) Chocolate is God's gift to humanity.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
Now class, would anyone like to attempt an Argument From Beer?

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION(II)
(1) Jesus said that people would make fun of Christians.
(2) I am an idiot.
(3) People often point that out.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WWJD
(1) I have the “What Would Jesus Do?” T-shirt, bracelet, baseball hat, and shoelaces.
(2) I wear them in public.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION(III)
(1) You atheists are mean!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTEREST
(1) If God really doesn’t exist than atheists wouldn’t spend so much time talking about him.
(2) [Atheist refutes (1)]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

REID’S ARGUMENT
(1) You assume that your senses are reliable even though you can’t prove it.
(2) That means I get to assume anything I want.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INTELLECTUAL SUPERIORITY
(1) [Christian posts argument]
(2) [Atheist refutes argument]
(3) Atheist, you obviously didn’t understand my argument.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CATCH-PHRASE
(1) There are no atheists in foxholes.
(2) [Atheist points out atheists in foxholes]
(3) They don’t count.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

TERCEL’S ARGUMENT (ARGUMENT FROM PROBABILITY)
(1) We should believe what probably is true.
(2) I have arbitrarily assigned the proposition “God exists” a probability of 0.75.
(3) That probability came from my ass, which I know assigns extremely accurate probabilities to propositions concerning the existence of God.
(4) So God probably exists.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FREE GIFT (aka Kissing Hank's ass)
(1) If some guy came up to you on the street and offered you a billion dollars for nothing in return, would you take the money or deny his existence?
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHARITY
(1) Atheists don’t build hospitals.
(2) [Atheist points out Bill Gates and Ted Turner, who donate millions of dollars to charity]
(3) Yes, but do they build hospitals?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SERIOUS ASSERTION
(1) God exists.
(2) No, seriously.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE OUTCOME
(1) Even if God doesn’t exist, it would be better if people believed He did.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE
(1) I believe that if God exists, there will be no evidence for his existence
(2) There is no evidence for the existence of God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE II (MODIFIED SIMPSON’S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IDIOCY
(1) I am an idiot.
(2) Even an idiot can see that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (I)
(1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
(2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (II)
(1) A plane was hijacked by terrorists.
(2) The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
(3) The plane crashed into a field, killing all aboard.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM III, aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT II
(1) September 11th was really, really bad.
(2) We have bad things happen to us when we're doing something bad.
(3) Therefore, September 11th was a punishment for something we did.
(4) Maybe it was being arrogant?
(5) Yeah, that's it!
(6) God let September 11th happen to teach America humility.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASS MURDER
(1) Stalin was an atheist.
(2) He murdered millions of people.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TORNADOS
(1) A large tornado hit Kansas City.
(2) The tornado missed a church but destroyed several hundred homes.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI
(1) A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.
(2) Some Catholics believe that it is the Virgin Mary.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
(1) All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE
(1) The Pledge clearly states that America is "one nation, under God * * *."
(2) The existence of God is thus a necessary condition for the existence of America.
(3) America exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS
(1) Some of America's Founding Fathers wrote favorably about the Bible.
(2) The Founding Fathers were really, really smart.
(3) Accordingly, the Bible must be true.
(4) The Bible says that God exists.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FOUNDING FATHERS II
(1) The Declaration of Independence includes the words "God" and "Creator".
(2) Only a Christian would include the words "God" and "Creator"!
(3) Therefore this is a Christian Nation.
(4) A Christian Nation couldn't last over 200 years without God's help.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE FALL OF PAGAN ROME
(1) When Jesus was crucified, the Roman Empire was pagan, ruled by a pagan Emperor.
(2) A couple of hundred years later, lots of Romans were Christians, and the Emperor was a Christian too!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LOTS OF BOOKS
(1) The bible has lots of books written by lots of authors over a long period of time.
(2) Through centuries of vigorous apologetics we've been able to forge a more or less coherent plot for the whole bible.
(3) It is beyond human ability for so many authors over so long a time to write so many books from which we could hammer such a plot.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNLIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (I) (argument from sacrifice)
(1) The bible said Jesus died for our sins.
(2) No other religious text describes a god that died for our sins!
(3) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNLIKE OTHER RELIGIONS (II) (argument from resurrection)
(1) The bible said Jesus rose from the dead.
(2) No other religious text describes a god that rose from the dead!
(3) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRUTE FORCE
(1) [Christian tears Darwin Fish off car, breaks it in thirds, sticks it to driver's side window.]
(2) Therefore, the theory of evolution is wrong.
(3) Therefore, creationism is right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TROY
(1) There is little archeological evidence for the events in Exodus.
(2) But look at Troy! It is discovered when people thought the Iliad was only a story! So who knows if there would be a time evidence for Exodus was discovered?
(3) Therefore the Exodus actually happened.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PROPHECY
(1) The book of Daniel made some prophecies.
(2) The prophecy was later fulfilled by other records in the Book of Daniel.
(3) The prophecy came true!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SHAME
(1) The Bible showed a group of people performing embarassing actions.
(2) It must be true if the book describes negative events.
(3) The Bible is describing historical events.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EQUAL VALUE (PC argument II)
(1) Evolution and the scientific worldview is a worldview. Similarly, the biblical worldview is a worldview.
(2) You are not discriminating against our worldview are you?
(3) The Biblical worldview is as good as the scientific worldview.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MODERATION (often employed by liberals)
(1) The Creationist side occupies an extreme side of the spectrum.
(2) Similarly, the atheist side occupies another extreme side of the spectrum.
(3) The liberals are in between.
(4) Therefore, the liberal position on God is the most correct.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHICK
(1) I have all these cool Jesus comics.
(2) I also think Eternal is smart with all those great arguments.
(3) Those comics sure convinced me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVIDENTIAL ASSERTION (a.k.a. "Henry Morris Argument")
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore all physical evidence (fossil record etc) must show this.
(3) Therefore it does.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF MEANNESS
(1) If God didn't exist, it would be mean of him to make me believe he did!
(2) God isn't mean.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WE ALL GOT FAITH
(1) We all believe in something.
(2) Therefore we all have faith.
(3) My faith in God is no different from your faith that the sun will rise tomorrow morning.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COOLNESS
(1) That's really cool.
(2) God must have done that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WTC II
(1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
(2) An intact bible was found in the ruins.
(3) No, wait, it turns out it was a dictionary.
(4) Oh, well, God exists anyway.

ARGUMENT FROM COLLEGE FUNDING (usable by parents only)
(1) You believe in God.
(2) If I ever find out that you don't believe in God, you won't get any money for college!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SNOWFLAKES
(1) Out of 3,300 pictures of snow-crystals catalogued no two are exactly alike. Each has 6 points crossing at a 60 degree angle. If one is like a fern it has 6 out-pointing leaves; if like a windmill, It has 6 sails; if like a starfish, 6 ribs; or if like a fir tree, 6 stems with plumes set in perfect symmetry. This makes 3 distinct triangles to each flake. The Hebrew word for snow equals 333 (Hebrew letters stand for numbers).
(2) Could it not be that God has set His symbol of the Triune God in each flake? The average snow storm produces about 1000 billion crystals.
(3) Only an intelligent Being could design so many forms.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CUSTODY (used by the parents of a friend of mine)
(1) We have legal custody of your son.
(2) If you don't act as though the Christian God existed, then we won't let you see him.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FIDEISM (aka Martin Gardner's argument)
(1) Atheists are absolutely right. There is no logical reason to believe God exists.
(2) But he makes me feel good anyway.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Argument from Pepper's Philosophy Class (AKA The Energy Argument)
(1) Things that exist have energy.
(2) Energy is alive.
(3) All living things are made from energy.
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM A BAD TRIP
(1) I went to a party and took LSD.
(2) I saw demons attacking me.
(3) Then Jesus came and drove the demons away.
(4) So I joined the Assemblies of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STUPIDITY
(1) I am stupid.
(2) God made man in his own image.
(3) There are all horrible disasters going around the world.
(4) God is omnipotent in power.
(5) God is too stupid to do anything about these things.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM STAR TREK
(1) You will be assimilated.
(2) All your salvations belong to us.
(3) Resistance is futile.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER
(1) When I pray, either it comes true or God has a better plan.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEMOCRACY
(1) God would never allow a non-Christian to become president.
(2) There has never been a non-Christian president.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
(1) If I don't believe God exists, I'll go to Hell.
(2) Please don't hurt me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS
(1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
(2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
(3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.
(4) Therefore, the Christian God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FUZZY ANIMALS (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT III)
(1) Bunnies are cute.
(2) Cuteness is not an evolutionary advantage.
(3) Therefore, cuteness must have been designed.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POLITICS
(1) The vast majority of the people believe in God.
(2) I'll get elected if I pretend to believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PRESIDENTIAL IGNORANCE
(1) If I ask God to blesserize Texas, nobody'll mess with it.
(2) Nobody messes with Texas.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COINCIDENCE
(1) We were driving home with our youth pastor when it started to rain really hard outside.
(2) We pulled over to the side of the road, joined hands and asked gawd to deliver us home safely.
(3) We arrived home safely.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS
(1) I tried to delete a copy of the TEN COMMANDMENTS from my computer. It would not have mattered as I had another copy on file.
(2) Still the computer malfunctioned.
(3) The computer had more sense than atheists who made it.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
(1) God is invisible.
(2) I can't see God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RAIN (aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT III)
(1) I wanted it to be a sunny day.
(2) I prayed it wouldn't rain.
(3) We had two thunderstorms.
(4) Obviously, God didn't want to answer my prayer.
(5) Of course not! What a selfish thing to pray for! How dare I try to compel God to my selfish desires!
(6) The rain was God's punishment for my selfish desires.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FOR GOD #1
(1) I Have a philosophy degree.
(2) Your knowledge in philosophy is paltry in comparison to mine.
(3) Therefore you are unable to comprehend my intense philosophical proofs proving God's existence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

METACROCK'S ARGUMENT FOR GOD #2
(1) I created the term "arbitrary necessity".
(2) It is a golden principle and applies to whatever I say it does.
(3) I say an eternal universe is an arbitrary necessity.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER
(1) "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Ben Franklin
(2) Beer exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER II
(1) Christian: Whatever you believe in is your god.
(2) Atheist: I believe I'll have another beer.
(3) Ha ha.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONKEYS
(1) If man came from monkeys, there shouldn't be anymore monkeys.
(2) There are still monkeys.
(3) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM C.S. LEWIS
(1) C.S. Lewis had a lot of good arguments in favor of Christianity... at least that’s what all my Christian friends tell me...
(2) C.S. Lewis wrote some popular books too!
(3) So anything C.S. Lewis said must be right!
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNIVERSAL DESTRUCTION
(1) I woke up this morning and found that the universe still exists.
(2) Therefore, its destruction was averted by God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEAD FIREFIGHTERS
(1) All those dead firefighters were blessed by a Catholic priest before they gave their lives.
(2) For people they didn't even know!
(3) Yes, they were TOO mostly Catholics!
(4) I just know!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TODD BEAMER
(1) Todd Beamer prayed "Our Father" with a switchboard operator after his flight was hijacked.
(2) Todd Beamer was a hero.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FALWELL
(1) Jerry Falwell said some really stupid things after September 11th.
(2) Then he apologized!
(3) He was inspired by God to repent!
(4) No, it had nothing to do with the public outcry!
(5) Why? Because God told me so!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTISTS
(1) Some famous scientists believed in God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FLOWERS
(1) That flower is pretty.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM INSTRUMENTATION
(1) You are an atheist.
(2) You did something kind.
(3) You are an instrument of God.
(4) God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
(1) Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
(2) There is room for God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THERMODYNAMICS
(1) The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that a closed system tends to disorder.
(2) The universe is ordered.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SONGS
(1) The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his grace on thee."
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM APOLOGETICS WEBPAGES
(1) I was surfing the Net and came across this really cool webpage of apologetics.
(2) Their arguments were stunning. I couldn't refute them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMFORT
(1) All kinds of people have found comfort in religion.
(2) That means there must be something there to give comfort to them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BILL O'REILLY
(1) Atheism is challenging this country's Christian roots!
(2) We are Christians!
(3) We will make a big stink about this, and not let atheists win!
(4) We will win because God is on our side!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EXILSTENTIALISIC LONELINESS
(1) This can't be all there is to existence.
(2) I mean it's so horrible, pointless, brutal and nasty.
(3) It's all so depressing.
(4) I'm lonely.
(5) There has to be something else out there.
(6) I mean it, there just has to be.
(7) THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING ELSE OUT THERE!
(8) AGGGRRG!!! THERE JUST HAS TO BE!!!!
(9) God! He can be out there for me.
(10) I'm not so lonely now!
(11) Yay!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SINS I LIKE (aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT IV)
(1) I don't like abortion.
(2) But this is just my opinion.
(3) I want my opinion backed up with facts.
(4) But in the absence of facts, morals will do.
(5) Christians say abortion is a sin! Yeah! I have allies!
(6) But for a sin to exist and Christians to be right, God must exist.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN SOLIPSISM
(1) Nothing but Jesus is real.
(2) See #1.

The ARGUMENT FROM THE THRONE ROOM
(1) Would you stand in the presence of a mighty king and demand that he prove he exists?
(2) No?
(3) That's what you're doing with God, you arrogant bastards.
(4) I don't CARE that you can't see him!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
(1) I couldn't imagine not believing in God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WOW
(1) "When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies..."
(2) Wow.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KINDLY PSYCHOANALYSIS
(1) You say there's no God? Ah, someone calling themselves Christian must have really hurt you in the past
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE IGNORED
(1) Dembski, Behe and Plantinga are ignored by mainstream intellectuals
(2) Only a fear of the truth could explain this.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHRISTIAN EXPERTS ARE NOT IGNORED
(1) Mainstream intellectuals are paying some attention to Dembski, Behe and Plantinga.
(2) Only a growing recognition of the truth could explain this.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COUNTERFACTUAL EVIDENCE
(1) You claim the evidence for Jesus' divinity is non-existent.
(2) But if there was lots of evidence, you would still not be convinced.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNSEEN MIRACLES
(1) Atheists wouldn't believe in God even if He showed up and performed a miracle for them.
(2) See! There was a miracle right over there! Didn't you see it?
(3) No?
(4) You must be an atheist. Therefore, you cannot see miracles.
(5) But miracles happen. You just can't see them.
(6) Likewise, God exists. You just can't see Him, because you are so determined not to.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WIND
(1) You believe in wind.
(2) But you can't see it.
(3) God's the same way
(4) It IS TOO analogous!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WARREN ROBINETT
(1) There's a secret message in the video game "Adventure."
(2) It reveals that the game was Created By Warren Robinett.
(3) It's the same way with the world.
(4) Look for the secret messages, and you will find the World's Creator.
(5) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS (aka GOODY2SHOES'S ARGUMENT)
(1) You keep making statements that I think are generalizations, hypocritical, and bigoted.
(2) I will only agree to stay if you stop that.
(3) [non-believer tries to be non-offensive]
(4) You're still offending me because of [insert random statement here].
(5) [non-believer rereads her posts before posting, posting when she thinks she is not being offensive].
(6) I'm offended!
(7) [non-believer tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be non-offensive]
(8) This conversation is just the two of us. I think we should stop this conversation.
(9) [non-believer figures 'Fuck it' and posts what she really thinks]
(10) WOW! WHAT A BIGOT! I'm leaving!
(11) I have a spiritual victory.
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY 2 (TERCEL'S ARGUMENT)
(1) I have a large number of arguments for God.
(2) There is a small chance that each of them is true.
(3) Using voodoo probability calculations, this means that there is a much greater chance that all of them are true taken together!
(4) And this ISN'T just the mathematical version of the Ontological Proof, I'm a real mathematician and you obviously can't understand this proof because you don't know as much about math as me.
(5) Oh, and don't confuse things by mentioning how many atheistic arguments there are, and the probability of each of them being correct...
(6) Or the fact that I basically pulled the probability of each of my arguments being correct out of my ass...
(7) And admit that I know more about math than you, and you'll see that...
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCES
(1) One time, I was in deep emotional pain.
(2) I prayed to God, and felt His presence.
(3) You aren't going to deny my emotional pain, are you?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ABUSING THE BODY
(1) One time, I fasted for three days straight, prayed on my knees for hours, and didn't sleep, either.
(2) At the end of that time, God answered me.
(3) You see, you just have to mortify the flesh and accept the things of the spirit in order to meet God.
(4) No, there is no possibility that it was a hallucination!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ECSTASY (used by a number of saints)
(1) I woke up last night with a feeling of indescribable pleasure and joy.
(2) It couldn't have been sexual; I'm holy and never have thoughts like those.
(3) So the ecstasy must have come from God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND
(1) I don't want to work for a living.
(2) I don't want to pay taxes.
(3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.
(4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.
(5) Therefore, God exists!

ARGUMENT FROM FEELING LOVE ALL AROUND (aka PERCHANCE'S SISTER'S ARGUMENT V)
(1) I can just feel love all around me. I know the world is a good place, that people are essentially good, and that that comes from God.
(2) I don't know how I know. It's just there. You've never felt it?
(3) I don't know how I know. Stop pestering me!
(4) [tears until nasty non-believer goes away]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSIC (could also be used for art)
(1) You like classical music.
(2) Classical composers wrote for God.
(3) [non-believer points out that they had to compose for the Church or they would have been executed]
(4) But they wrote for God and you like the music.
(5) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM I
(1) I enjoy beating children.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SADISM II
(1) I enjoy treating women like dirt. It makes me feel powerful.
(2) I find some justification for it in the Bible.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (2?)
(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) The Bible says God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exist.

WILLIAM JAMES' ARGUMENT
(1) We should give people the benefit of the doubt.
(2) When someone says God exists, we should believe them.
(3) A lot of people say God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

PASCAL'S ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, it would be really cool.
(2) If God didn't exist, it would really suck.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

THE BIBLICAL PRESERVATION ARGUMENT
(1) The Bible hasn't changed much since it was written.
(2) Therefore everything in it must be true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

BIBLICAL PROPHECIES ARGUMENT
(1) Jesus clearly fulfilled all the prophecies of the Jews.
(2) That's why there are no Jews alive today.
(3) If you see a Jew, you should probably kill him to make #2 work.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

THE STEWARDSHIP ARGUMENT
(1) God gave us the earth to take care of it.
(2) We take care of it.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE 2nd LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS
(1) All systems become chaotic.
(2) The Universe, too, will become chaotic.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ATHEISM
(1) Unicorns don't exist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE MEANING OF LIFE
(1) What's the meaning of life?
(2) [atheist gives their answer]
(3) That's not what I believe.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LOGIC
(1) There are some things in logic that you can't logically demonstrate.
(2) Therefore you have to take them on faith.
(3) Your faith in logic is the same as my faith in God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

VELIKOVSKY'S ARGUMENT
(1) If you twist the details enough, you can make a case for Venus, as a comet, causing the Biblical catastrophes.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CAN'T-BE-A-RACIST
(1) Martin Luther King, Jr. believed in God.
(2) I don't think you want to say Dr. King was a fool?
(3) That's what I thought.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JESUS’ TORTURE
(1) No one ever, ever suffered as much as Jesus did on the cross.
(2) No, not the victims of the Inquisition.
(3) No, not the women burned at the stake or hanged as witches.
(4) No, not all the people who died thinking they were going to Hell!!!
(5) Who but God would suffer like that for us ungrateful, unworthy humans?
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SEVERABILITY
(1) Lots of ridiculous statements are made by people who only claim to be Real Christians.
(2) They just give Real Christians a bad name.
(3) Real Christians don't believe is literally true.
(4) But that doesn't mean the Bible isn't still mostly true.
(5) And the Bible is the Word of God.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE
(1) Because.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ELABORATED ARGUMENT FROM BECAUSE
(1) Because.
(2) Because why?
(3) Because!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM "LET'S JUST BELIEVE" (aka TAFFY LEWIS'S ARGUMENT)
(1) All belief systems should be treated the same as the scientific one.
(2) [non-believer: Why?]
(3) Because they have their own grounds.
(4) Anyway, that's my experience of how the world works.
(5) [non-believer: It's not mine. And why should you treat claims of unicorns less seriously than claims of gods?]
(6) I don't believe there are unicorns.
(7) But I believe there are gods.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNIQUE EXISTENCE
(1) God exists but not in a way that anything else that exists exists.
(2) Since there are no other things that exist as God exists, we are free to make up things about God's state of existence that ensure his continued non-observability
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSITIVE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE (aka TAFFY LEWIS'S ARGUMENT II)
(1) More people have had positive religious experiences in the context of Western theism.
(2) Therefore, God is kind, just, and all-loving.
(3) [non-believer: What about the people who have had negative experiences? Or experiences of God's non-existence?]
(4) They don't count.
(5) Therefore, God is just the way I describe him to be.
(5a) Oh, yeah. And God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RIGHTS
(1) The Declaration of Independence founded the U.S.
(2) Therefore, the Declaration of Independence is true.
(3) The Declaration of Independence says that our rights are "endowed by our Creator."
(4) George W. agrees with this.
(5) You have rights, don't you???
(6) Well where the f*** do you think they came from???
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FUTURE EVIDENCE
(1) Look, I realize that it doesn't seem to make sense that there would logically be a God.
(2) However, I know He's real, and that in the future I think that maybe something will happen probably that will show you all.
(3) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POSTULATE
(1) To fully understand the following demonstration, you must first assume that God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM POOR TYPING SKILLS
(1) In tihs essae ill demnstrate that gOd exsits in a way tat's so sure thatno athesit can PSOosibly reftue. J will firts dwmonsrtate waht we canaSSUme fo rGod exisnce,,then how wwe can refute anya rgument wihch pretends teh contrrary to eb true,tehn wel'l expose scinetific evidnece thatGod eeexists then we'll cnolcude. yOU will fnid an acurate&up6to6date bibliography no teh page 43 of tihs essay;i Sugegst yu to pritn iths doculent for a mroe confortable raeding.
(2) [Atheist doesn't bother to read it]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNTRANSLATED OLD FRENCH
(1) « Mais pourceque j'avois déjà connu en moi très clairement que la nature intelligente est distincte de la corporelle; considérant que toute composition témoigne de la dépendance, et que la dépendance est manifestement un défaut, je jugeois de là que ce ne pouvoit être une perfection en Dieu d'être composé de ces deux natures, et que par conséquent il ne l'étoit pas; mais que s'il y avoit quelques corps dans le monde, ou bien quelques intelligences ou autres natures qui ne fussent point toutes parfaites, leur être devoit dépendre de sa puissance, en telle sorte quelles ne pouvoient subsister sans lui un seul moment. » -- René Descartes, Discours de la Méthode
(2) How could you possibly refute that?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CLEVER USE OF VOCABULARY
(1) Many atheists will not be convinced by an argument with "Therefore, God exists" as its conclusion.
(2) Consequently, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IGNORANCE
(1) I don't understand evolution, I mean how could there be nothing then something?
(2) (Well informed atheist gives articulate explanation of evolution and gently explains that the beginning of the universe has nothing to do with evolution.)
(3) Well it seems way too complicated and unlikely to me. Plus I don't want to live my life thinking I evolved from a monkey.
(4) Therefore, God exists and Jesus died for our sins.
(5) (Atheist argues that theist's ignorance of evolution does not logically lead to the conclusion that there is a God, let alone the Christian God.)
(6) Says you! God bless.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH
(1) Lots of people go to church.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PHOTO-OP (ARGUMENT FROM THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE II)
(1) A couple of godless commie federal judges ruled the 1954 inclusion of "under God" in the Pledge unconstitutional.
(2) Almost immediately thereafter, the whole U.S. Senate recited the Pledge, including "under God," on the Capitol steps.
(3) The Senators' conduct was not--I repeat, NOT--mere political posturing and/or vote whoring.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DEFENESTRATION
(1) If God exists, then He will protect me if I jump out this third story window.
(2) However, you will not be so fortunate, unsaved heathen!
(3) *shove*
(4) See! God didn't protect you, just like I predicted! Any counterarguments, heathen?
(5) No? Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MUSHROOMS
(1) This pizza tastes funny.
(2) That purple llama on the ceiling is juggling chainsaws.
(3) Purple llamas can't juggle chainsaws.
(4) It must be a miracle!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MYTHOLOGY
(1) The Old Religions were wrong.
(2) The Old Religions didn't believe in the same god as me.
(3) Therefore, I must be right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ACCUSATION
(1) The Bible says that everyone knows God exists.
(2) Therefore, YOU know that God exists.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NOT-BELIEVING
(1) The New Testament says people like you would question us.
(2) You question us.
(3) Therefore the bible is true.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
(2) They're so good that they must have been designed.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM METEORS (FALWELL'S ARGUMENT)
(1) God hates gay people.
(2) God is merciful.
(3) Disney World held a Gay Day parade.
(4) God could punish Disney World by sending hurricanes, earthquakes, and possibly a meteor to Florida.
(5) God didn't, thus proving both postulate 1 and 2.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.
(3) They were all found alive.
(4) Only God could have done that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) God is awesome!
(2) Like, totally, dude!
(3) Therefore, God, like, exists and stuff.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
(1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
(2) Can you turn water into wine?
(3) No? Well there ya go.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL ABILITY
(1) I prayed to God, and then lifted a car off my trapped puppy.
(2) I couldn't have done that without God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION
(1) Satan is bad.
(2) You don't want to be on Satan's side, do you?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE OPPOSITION AS USED BY A YOUTH GROUP MINISTER
(1) Satan really sucks, dude.
(2) You don't wanna, like, be like Satan, right dude?
(3) Therefore God, like, exists and stuff. Totally.

ARGUMENT FROM BUFFALO (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT IV)
(1) The Indians used every part of the buffalo.
(2) A creature we can use every part of couldn't have just randomly evolved!
(3) It had to be created specifically for us!
(4) Therefore, God exists, and spent his early years churning out Buffalo.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY
(1) Bite me.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DENTAL OPPORTUNITY, ACCEPTED
(1) Bite me.
(2) OW! YOU BIT ME!
(3) I'm being persecuted!!
(4) Therefore, God exists!

ARGUMENT FROM NEW AGEYNESS
(1) If enough people just believe, God will exist.
(2) Lots of people have been believing for a very long time.
(3) Therefore, surely by NOW, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT V)
(1) Isn't it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?
(2) Someone sure must have been in control of that "big bang" in order for them to shape up like that!
(3) Just place a stick of dynamite under a huge rock. You'll see that the explosion does not produce perfectly round smaller rocks.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(optional)
(3a) Atheist: The planets are round because of gravity.
(3b) But who made gravity?!?!
(4) Therefore, God exists!

ARGUMENT FROM FAITH IN THE OBVIOUS
(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
(2) See! Atheists have faith too!
(3) Just like I have faith in Jesus.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED BEAUTY (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT VI)
(1) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.
(2) Look how beautiful you are, and the world that is around you.
(3) Only God could have made you so beautiful.
(4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective, you are beautiful in God's eyes!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING
(1) Atheists claim Christians have been brainwashed by churches.
(2) We can just as easily say that they have been brainwashed by secular colleges & universities in their futile thinking, and secular reasoning.
(3) Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNISM
(1) All communists are atheists.
(2) All communists are bad, haven't you watched the 6 o'clock news?
(3) Therefore they are wrong.
(4) Since the moral majority is theist and non-communist they are good.
(5) Therefore they are right.
(6) This argument does so make sense!
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOOD AND BAD BEHAVIOR
(1) Sometimes I do good things and sometimes I do bad things.
(2) When I do something good this PROVES that God, my Guardian Angel etc are helping me to be good.
(3) Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Oh God help me to be strong and steadfast against temptation till I die so that You God will not in Your infinite mercy, send me to Hell.
(4) When I do something bad this PROVES that the Devil has tempted me to do EVIL.
(5) Whatever I do it proves that either God or the Devil is real.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEER II
(1) Real men like beer.
(2) God allowed real men to make beer.
(3) Therefore, God is real, and likes beer.

ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION
(1) Churches don't pay taxes.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD'S PLAN (variation of the MYSTERIOUS WAYS argument)
(1) There is a plan in the world.
(2) The existence of this plan can be seen from the fact that things are the way they are.
(3) My belief is part of the plan, and so is your non-belief.
(4) [atheist: Why?]
(5) The plan is too infinitely great for our minds to comprehend the "why."
(6) An infinitely great plan must have an infinitely great mind behind it.
(7) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HAULING ASS
(1) [theist creates message board account and logs in]
(2) "GOD IS REEL AND ALL YOU HEATHEN ATHEIST INFEDILS WILL BERN IN HELL FORE-EVER MARK MY WERDS!!!!!!!!@#3FD"
(3) [theist logs off and never returns]
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BAPTIST BOARD II
(1) God calls us to be a peculiar people.
(2) Stop laughing, foul non-believer.
(3) In order to preserve our own particular peculiarity-
(4) Stop laughing, I said.
(5) We must be a people apart.
(6) This means not listening to anyone who believes differently than we do, because this would taint our peculiarity.
(7) If you do not stop laughing-
(8) (Oh, I have to do the end of the argument).
(9) Therefore, God exists.
(9a) And God especially exists because non-believers are laughing at us, which means we're persecuted, which means we're special.
(10) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENTUM AD TINKERTOYUM (aka TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT VII)
(1) Take some tinkertoys and make several "creations".
(2) Take the creations apart and dump the pieces in a plastic bag.
(3) Shake the pieces up and dump them on the floor. Repeat as many times as you wish.
(4) The tinkertoys will never reassemble themselves into the original creations.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL (aka ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES II)
(1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing extensive surgery in the hospital.
(2) My whole family sat outside the OR and prayed through the entire eight hours of surgery.
(3) He lived.
(4) No, the highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it, unbeliever!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD
(1) You look weird, atheist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
(1) I was once abducted by aliens.
(2) What we call aliens are really demons, the bible says so.
(3) If demons exist, than so does God.
(4) You've seen the X-files, haven't you?
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM REVELATION
(1) God told me that he exists.
(2) God wouldn't lie.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORCE
(1) [argument from atheist]
(2) [theist shoots atheist]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NAZIISM (INVERSE-GODWIN)
(1) Hitler didn't establish a Christian theocracy.
(2) Therefore, Hitler was an atheist.
(3) Hitler was the worst leader possible.
(4) Therefore, all atheists are bad people.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNCONSCIOUS THEISM
(1) Atheists think the universe created life.
(2) Well, they should if they thought about it really, really hard.
(3) But only a God can create life.
(4) So atheists should believe in God, if they weren't so dumb.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMMUNICATION FROM GOD
(1) I had this incredible experience that could only be explained by a communication from God.
(2) Atheist says, "couldn't there be a natural explanation?"
(3) No, I'm telling you there is no way this could be explained naturally.
(4) Atheist suggests alternate explanations q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y and z.
(5) No, none of those can explain it.
(6) Because they can't!
(7) Atheist is not convinced.
(8) How dare you deny my very special experience!
(9) Atheist tries to explain that s/he's only questioning the theist's interpretation of that experience, and not the claim that something special was experienced.
(10) You just don't want to believe that what I experienced is from God, because you are a closed-minded, dogmatic materialist!
(11) And also, you are a big meanie and I'm not talking to you anymore!
(12) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE
(1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.
(2) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is full of passion.
(3) Atheists cannot explain Coltrane's passion in "A Love Supreme."
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON
(1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."
(2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the only pop songs devoted to God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BEING A CATHOLIC
(1) The pope believes in God.
(2) The pope is infallible.
(3) I am catholic and like the pope.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GAME THEORY
(1) Theist: [after lengthy explanation] Hence, pursuant to game theory, belief in an afterlife is the most sensible option.
(2) Atheist: Wait a minute. That's just Pascal's Wager dressed in different verbiage.
(3) Theist: Nuh uh!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

"TRUE BECAUSE IT IS INCONSISTENT" ARGUMENT
(1) If the Bible were cooked up by some smooth-talking manipulative authors, it would have been perfect and seamless and without any apparent inconsistencies.
(2) But the Bible IS inconsistent, erroneous, and plain goofy at many places
(3) So the Bible is NOT a product of some smooth-talking manipulative authors.
(4) Hence the Bible is the word of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BUZZWORDS
(1) As game theory clearly shows, the irreducibly complex nature of the universe indicates probabilistic fine-tuning at the quantum level and renders God logically necessary.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (I)
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) They really are whiney, aren't they?
(4) Christians are stronger than that.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THINGS HURT (II)
(1) Some things hurt a lot.
(2) Atheists think that things aren't supposed to hurt.
(3) But since they can't derive "ought" from "is," their belief presupposes the existence of God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

EXISTENTIAL ARGUMENT FROM EVIL / ARGUMENT FROM POWER
(1) I have a gun.
(2) [atheist: "Ouch!!!"]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY
(1) Atheists think that the difference in religions disproves God's existence.
(2) Eh, To-may-to, to-mah-to.
(3) Everyone knows that you must accept Jesus Christ in order to be saved.
(4) Well, everyone who matters, anyway.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM RELIGIOUS LANGUAGE
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, when I talk about God or related concepts, these words denote something.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM EVOLUTION
(1) Science is always true.
(2) Science says that there is a vanishingly small chance that all of this could have happened on its own.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE
(1) Science is not always true.
(2) Therefore there is room for religious faith.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM THE PAIN PLAN (aka LUVLUV'S ARGUMENT)
(1) Things hurt.
(2) Things hurting are part of God's plan.
(3) A lot of the good things in life only come through suffering.
(4) This is necessary to achieve God's plan.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GUNS II
(1) We have a gun.
(2) In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MONTY PYTHON
(1) Graham Chapman appeared in a film that made fun of Jesus.
(2) Graham Chapman died of a horrible, incurable disease.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
(3a) And has no sense of humor.

ARGUMENT FROM WAR
(1) War is hell.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS (adapted from a church sign)
(1) Some people call Elvis the King.
(2) But we know Jesus is King.
(3) Even non-believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

LINGUAL ARGUMENT
(1) There's existence in nonexistence so...
(2) God exists even if he doesn't.
(3) God exists.

DIVINE POWERS ARGUMENT
(1) God’s existence must be the work of God.
(2) God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OPPRESSION (related to the various ARGUMENTS FROM OFFENSIVENESS)
(1) God exists.
(2) [atheist asks any one of various questions, or even just starts to ask them]
(3) Are you saying that God doesn't exist?
(4) You're oppressing me! You're depriving me of the right to believe in God if I want to!
(5) Oppression is bad.
(6) Therefore, you are bad.
(7) Therefore, you must be wrong.
(8) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHEAT
(1) A grain of wheat will always fall to the ground and the outer shell “dies”.
(2) But see, eventually the grain will grow into a fuller, more vital form.
(3) Hey, that's kinda like the Resurrection!
(4) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WARM & FUZZY THINGS
(1) When I was an atheist, I didn't have any warm & fuzzy things in my life.
(2) I really like warm & fuzzy things.
(3) If the J-C God exists, lots of warm & fuzzy things are true because all these really smart theists say so.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(5) Old Testament? Never heard of it.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENCE II
(1) Everything was fine until man created science.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA
(1) God bless America.
(2) You're either for us or against us remember.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MASSIVE OPIATES
(1) Got to keep the public distracted.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM KING JOSIAH
(1) Time to expand the kingdom.
(2) Therefore (only one) God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ASHCROFT
(1) I say God exists.
(2) I could have you locked up, you know.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM IT'S MY BALL AND YOU CAN'T PLAY
(1) There is abundant logical and empirical evidence that God does not exist.
(2) There is no evidence that God does exist.
(3) But God plays by completely different rules.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DISCOMFORT
(1) I am happy, believing in God.
(2) Then you come along and say all this nasty stuff to take my happiness away.
(3) *sniff*... *sniff*... why are you making me uncomfortable?
(4) Anyone who makes other people uncomfortable must be different. And bad. And ignorant.
(5) Daddy will hug me!
(6) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ARTIFACT
(1) Archeologists found the remains of a boat from Jesus' time.
(2) So the bible is true.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES
(1) Sometimes a bad person hurts little babies because he doesn't have a happy life.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM LITTLE BABIES II
(1) Sometimes little babies are different from one another - how could you explain that?! Like, one will be really happy, and another will be sad. Sometimes even twins.
(2) This proves the existence of the soul.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM A VIDEO I WATCHED WITH MY DAD"
(1) Me and my dad watched this video where the Virgin Mary appeared on a building in Egypt. No, it was kinda blurry... lots of people saw it though and they were pointing at it.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT YEAR IT IS
(1) The years of our calendar are dated from the birth of Christ.
(2) Therefore, atheists can't even live without making reference to Christ.
(3) Obviously, atheists really can't live apart from God, even though they say they can.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD-CENTRISM
(1) Everything revolves around God, even the earth and the sun.
(2) Therefore, even atheists are revolving around God!
(3) Silly, aren't they, to deny the truth?
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UNKNOWN QUALITIES
(1) God has qualities we mere humans can't possibly know.
(2) This answers all atheistic arguments.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORGIVING MISGUIDEDNESS
(1) Theist: X, Y, and Z all prove God's love for mankind - This love proves he exists.
(2) Atheist: But I can refute X, Y, Z and unsaid arguments A, B, and C...
(3) Theist: Don't worry, you're wrong and your questioning of God will send you to hell, but he loves you and I forgive you your arrogance.
(4) Atheist: But you haven't said anything rational.
(5) Theist: Jesus/God *loves* you. Duh. Therefore God exists.
(6) Repeat 4, [3|5] ad infinitum.

ARGUMENT FROM FEELING GOD'S PRESENCE
(1) Atheists just haven't truly felt God's presence yet.
(2) If they had ever felt God's presence, they would not be atheists.
(3) Theists have truly felt God's presence.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE
(1) Doesn't it just make more sense that an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good deity created the world out of nothingness, from magic, essentially, and then punished us for eating a piece of fruit, and then incarnated himself in human flesh and came down to shed his own blood so he could break his own rules, and then went through hell on a temporary basis and then went back into the sky and promised to come back and take everyone who believed in him to this heaven no one has ever seen?
(2) Well, doesn't it?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM WHAT MAKES SENSE, ADDENDUM
(1) Atheist: No it doesn't.
(2) Theist: See, you're confusing the issue again! Think Simple and Sensible!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN
(1) Scientific American published an article that shows creationism is nonsense.
(2) The first editor of Scientific American was a Christian.
(3) Therefore, whoever wrote that article is a traitor and a liar.
(4) Besides, Scientific American didn't hire a creationist in the 70s, so they're obviously trying to persecute Christians.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN (II)
(1) Answers in Genesis copied the full text of an article from Scientific American.
(2) Scientific American sent one email to Answers in Genesis saying that they don't necessarily want their articles distributed for free in the internet by just anyone.
(3) See? Scientific American persecutes Christians!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PEPPERED MOTHS
(1) Science textbooks still use the "peppered moths" to prove evolution.
(2) Atheist says that he has never seen a textbook which claims anything of the sort, in fact the only place he hears about peppered moths is from creationist websites.
(3) Obviously the atheist has no clue what he's talking about then.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM GOD IS LIKE A RADIO SIGNAL
(1) There are many radio signals floating around your head all the time.
(2) God is on one of them.
(3) You just have to listen to the right signal.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AGNOSTICISM IN INDIA
(1) [non-believer asks if the theist would still call his religious experiences Christian if he had been raised in another country]
(2) Would you call your agnostic experiences agnostic if you had been raised in India?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BESTSELLERDOM
(1) The Bible is the best-selling work in history.
(2) Now, just because it's popular doesn't mean it's the Word of God.
(3) But there's not much evidence to suggest it's not.
(4) [sound of non-believer spitting milk out her nose]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

MODIFIED TRILEMMA ARGUMENT
(1) Jesus was either lord, liar, or lunatic.
(2) Can you PROVE He was a liar or lunatic?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM OTHERWISE THERE WOULD BE ANARCHY
(1) There has to be an objective truth to the universe, and humans have to be able to access it.
(2) Otherwise, there would be anarchy everywhere.
(3) No courts or governments or anything.
(4) [non-believer falls out of her chair from laughing so hard]
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM DIVINE RIGHT
(1) God saves the queen.
(2) The queen hasn't died.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SQUARE CIRCLES
(1) There is no such thing as a square circle.
(2) God is not a square circle.
(3) Therefore, God exists

ARGUMENT FROM DICTATORSHIP
(1) Dictators do not believe in God.
(2) Dictators are wrong.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM TERROR (Martin Luther's argument)
(1) The lightning storm filled me with the terror of God's wrath.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM MEANING
(1) Nothing has meaning without God.
(2) I mean...
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Ergo
666. ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
(1) Therefore, God exists.