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from Lark News : OTTAWA — The Rapture occurred March 31, 2005, at 9:43 a.m. Greenwich Mean Time and took both people on the planet whose theology was exactly correct. Dan Wilson of Ottawa, Canada, was snatched away while sleeping. "He spent years refining his eschatological scheme," says his wife. "Just last week he told me he had it all right, but I still disagreed with him on a minor point. I regret that now." Rejna Thanawalla of New Delhi, India, also experienced the Rapture, say friends. "She knew exactly what the books of Revelation and Daniel meant," they say. "Sadly, none of us listened to her." In a surprise, Tim LaHaye says he was "slightly wrong on the subject of the Beast," and was left behind. Other prophecy experts say they, too, botched minor points in their end times charts. "Looks like we'll have to stay and wait this out," said one disappointed pastor.

Thanks be to Khan for posting this! Consider: 1. During the 1988 election campaign, George Bush said that Christians should not be considered patriots or real American citizens. 2. Bill Clinton steadfastly refused to give any speeches at local churches. 3. Both major political parties are dominated by anti-Christians. The Republican party, for example, gave us such hard-core atheists as Pat Buchanan, Dan Quayle, Phyllis Schlafly and Ronald Reagan. And the Democrats have given us such personalities as the Rev. Martin Luther King and the Rev. Jesse Jackson-- both noted for their vicious attacks on all forms of Christianity. 4. Let's talk about the media. On Sunday mornings, nearly all major television channels broadcast pro-atheist shows; it is nearly impossible to find religious programming during that time period. Further, Madalyn Murray O'Hair has her own cable TV channel, while Pat Robertson has been unable to obtain one for himself. 5. Most major newspapers run a special we...

HEAVEN—The soul of Pope John Paul, which entered heaven last week following a long illness, expressed confusion and disappointment Saturday, upon learning that the Celestial Kingdom of God to which the departed faithful ascend in the afterlife is significantly less luxurious than the Vatican's Papal Palace, in which the pope spent the past 26 years of his earthly life. "Where are all the marble statues, sterling-silver chalices, and gem-encrusted scepters?" the visibly disappointed pope asked. "Where are the 60-foot-tall stained-glass windows and hand-painted cupolas? Where are the elaborately outfitted ranks of Swiss Guards? Why isn't every single surface gilded? This is my eternal reward?" Heaven, according to the New Testament, has "brilliance like a very costly stone... of pure gold, like clear glass..." with "twelve gates... each gate a single pearl." Yet the pope, who spoke from the afterlife, said heaven is nothing like the "...

sent in by Sarah My favorite bible story in the bible is Noah's Ark--What a demonstration of God's unconditional love and such a scientifically based logical story to say the least. The fact that two of every kind unclean animal and seven of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate were able to live in a boat for 40 days outside their natural habitat and survive. The fact that Noah, his family, and all the animals were able to live peacefully on the boat for 40 days and nights without having a serious waste contamination and water borne illnesses. And oh the unconditional love of God outpouring on his creation as he let it rain and rain and rain for forty days and nights, "To wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made." Genesis 7:4 What Grace and Compassion! That is the type of God I want to spend eternity with. But be careful everyone, he can strike you down at any moment, just because, he is, well... God. Don't question him. ...

sent in by Matt I will start now by saying that I have not had a bad experience with Christianity. It made me feel good and it gave me an answer for the inexplicable. I don't blame people for being Christians, nor do I hate them when they 'witness' to me. I was one of them, too. Some of my best friends are still Christian, and most of my family is Christian, with a significant portion of them Fundamentalist. My most intense Christian experience came when I just started High School. My youth pastor invited me to a Bible Camp. I happily agreed, and my life was suddenly changed. Looking back now, a whole week of nothing but the Bible is enough to brainwash a person, but at the time, the Truth was revealed to me. In my mind and heart, it was Jesus time all the time. And I felt complete. I felt like I was finally in on something great. Throughout high school and the beginning of college, I was the leader of anything Christian in my community and campus. I led missio...

sent in by Nathan This is not exactly a testimony. It's actually a short story, but has to do with issues of religion. Any feedback is greatly appreciated! “Joshua, coffee’s ready!” Anne called to him. It was six o’clock in the morning and Joshua still had some last minute preparations to make for his Sunday morning sermon. After drinking his coffee, the preacher knelt by his bed to offer his morning prayers. He could feel the presence of God stirring a holy message inside of him that he planned to share in just a few hours. Having finished his prayer, Joshua pulled back the pages of his Bible and immediately, the twenty-first verse of Matthew twenty-one grabbed hold of his spirit. “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.” Joshua planned on using this verse for his sermon. He knew that the anointing of the spi...

A best-selling Christian author and radio evangelist known as the "Bible Answer Man" has filed a defamation lawsuit against a longtime critic who had accused him of being under investigation for mail fraud. Controversy surrounding Hank Hanegraaff's Rancho Santa Margarita-based Christian Research Institute arose earlier this year after he sent out an urgent fundraising letter, saying that a "bizarre error" by postal workers caused donations to be thrown away. Critic and former Christian Research Institute employee Bill Alnor, a journalism professor at Texas A&M University-Kingsville, posted a story on his online magazine, the Christian Sentinel, saying that Hanegraaff was the focus of a federal mail-fraud investigation. According to Hanegraaff, that was never true. Citing Alnor's "escalating personal attacks," he filed suit this week in Orange County Superior Court because, he said, Alnor's allegations have "crossed the line." He i...