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12/28/2005                                                                                       View Comments

The Amazing Jesus Of Nazareth

A short skit by Rowan Atkinson illustrating Christian gullibility.



Launch in external player

45 comments:

GoneNsane said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Sign me up for his church, I'm going every week!

Onanite said...

Now that was very funny! Thanks

Onanite

Swintah said...

OMG! That was awesome!

And so, so accurate....

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I cannot view WMV files under Linux. Could someone please summarise the film or, better, create an MPEG version? Thanks!

Anonymous said...

bunch of hypocrites! you make fun o Jesus and christianity but when all hell brakes loose in your house or your child gets sick, or you lose your job, or your husband's on crack... you start calling on the Lord's name.

.:webmaster:. said...

"...you start calling on the Lord's name..."

I'm sorry, you obviously don't know me at all. As for lumping together all the people who frequent this site - that's just plain ignorant.

god_NOT said...

This is absolutely hilarious! Rowan has it right! People need to lighten up and live life. Yes folks, laughter is good medicine.

Here is proof that god (if there is a god---NOT) has a sense of humor -- Jerry Falwell!

and to answer "anonymous's" post:

"bunch of hypocrites! you make fun o Jesus and christianity but when all hell brakes loose in your house or your child gets sick, or you lose your job, or your husband's on crack... you start calling on the Lord's name"

I GUARANTEE that if that happens to any of us, the only things said would be GOD DAMMIT! And that ain't the religion speaking there!

Call us hypocrites...be my guest. If I had to run into any of you bible beaters in the next realm of existence then show me the rules to "opt out" because I sure as "hell" don't want to be associated with fundemental fodder spewing...

Dave8 said...

Anonymous 12/29/2005 11:17 AM: "bunch of hypocrites! you make fun o Jesus and christianity but when all hell brakes loose in your house or your child gets sick, or you lose your job, or your husband's on crack... you start calling on the Lord's name."

Zeus, Zeus, where art thou... hast thou got a pence for thine servant, whom hath been faithful, and lo... not a pence was given, as nothing fails like faith... but behold, a man walketh by, and stated, if you cutteth my grass, I will pay thee, and thus it was so, capitalism showed to be more useful, than begging a god, for a pence... Amen, and Rah, put them together and get "Amen-Rah", the true Sun-God, a.k.a., the son of god...

Onanite said...

2/29/2005 11:17 AM Anonymous said:

"bunch of hypocrites! you make fun o Jesus and christianity but when all hell brakes loose in your house or your child gets sick, or you lose your job, or your husband's on crack... you start calling on the Lord's name."

Let's take you brilliant points one at a time shall we?

1) Child gets sick - We tend to go to a doctor.

2) Loss of Job - We look for another job.

3) Husband is on crack - Get them treatment. If they refuse, toss them out.

So do you just sit there and pray to the ceiling? Amazing!


Onanite
http://onanite.blogspot.com/

JeffXL said...

Excellent response, Onanite!

I just *love* when Xtians make things up about us without knowing us.

Since they make up everything else, why not?

Anonymous said...

What is the Lord's name anyway? Does he/she/it have a real name? Please someone, enlighten us with the Lords real name.

Forever and ever said...

So the truth is out Jesus was just good all round family entertainer.

excellent webe

The first commandment
Give them what they won't.

I won't a burning shrubery or a holy grail or at least a funny walk

SoulInCrisis said...

"bunch of hypocrites! you make fun o Jesus and christianity but when all hell brakes loose in your house or your child gets sick, or you lose your job, or your husband's on crack... you start calling on the Lord's name."

You're right, when I faced troubles in my life I turned to Jesus. It didn't help. After years of worship and prayer I have no choice but to conclude that He either doesn't care or He isn't there. Neither conclusion is conducive to continued worship.

Forever and ever said...

Please webe.
The shrubbery does no have to be burning.

I know that ye are the holder of the the sacred shrubbery.Give unto us this day a shrubbery so that our sins will be forgiven

Please
What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'
please

Forever and ever said...

please
I shall not eat or drink or speak or spell corectivelee until you deliver unto us shrubbery.

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...

Always look on the bright side of death

Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.

You have created an excellent weapon
thanks for helping me.

Words of a true man Thomas paine

To the Ministers and Preachers of all Denominations of Religion.

IT is the duty of every man, as far as his ability extends, to detect and expose delusion and error. But nature has not given to everyone a talent for the purpose; and among those to whom such a talent is given, there is often a want of disposition or of courage to do it etc etc

cdmon said...

Monty Python rules!! Rowan's pretty funny too.

Cheers

Forever and ever said...

Hey cdmon
Have you heard the new Benny Hinn
theme song
see
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/money.mp3

This same Benny Hinn
http://www.aloha.net/
~mikesch/tbn.htm

This ones for Dr SL Do Little
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/halfabee.mp3

This one's for the christian women
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/sitface.mp3
will you forgive me

This ones for the webe
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/lumberjk.mp3

This ones for Heavey feather
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/chinese.mp3

This ones for JESUS and all the fucking christian bigots including the Real Deal
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/soworr.mp3

This one's for all the most excellent exchristians that dare to post a comment
http://www.mwscomp.com/
sounds/mp3/brghtsd.mp3

They can all be herded corectivelee at
http://www.mwscomp.com/sound.html

Forever and ever said...

OR Uncorectivelee
at
http://www.mwscomp.com/python.html

cdmon said...

Forever and ever, Yeah I've heard practically all of Monty Python's tunes. Love em!!

I heard a newer one called the FCC song by Eric Idle. I don't have a link to it, but if you find it give it a listen. It's hilarious.

Re: Benny Hinn what a piece of uh.....work huh? Jeez...

Now for something completely different..

Some things in life are bad,
they can really make you mad...
Some things only make you swear and curse...
If your chewing on life's gristle, don't grovel, give a whistle...
And this'll make things turn out out for the best...

Hey, always look on the bright side of life.

(whistling)etc....

Just had to throw that verse in for good measure...

Happy New Years

Cheers

Forever and ever said...

Thanks cdmon for that. G your really nice.I don't mean "nice" nice.

This is most excellent.
All christians will love it

It's nice really nice but not as nice as jesus is
see
http://www.pythonline.com/plugs/
idle/index.shtml

Forever and ever said...

OR
uncorectivelee at

http://www.pythonline.com/plugs/
idle/FCCSong.mp3

Hope it works for you it walked for me its funny very funny
even if your an exchristian

euphgeek said...

Anonymous wrote:

"Unfortunately, I cannot view WMV files under Linux. Could someone please summarise the film or, better, create an MPEG version? Thanks!"

Anonymous, you can view WMV files under Linux, I do it all the time. Just install mplayer and make sure you also have the latest win32 codecs.

Anonymous said...

euphgeek wrote:

"Anonymous, you can view WMV files under Linux, I do it all the time. Just install mplayer and make sure you also have the latest win32 codecs."

I have mplayer installed, but where do I get the win32 codecs? I don't have Windows.

Anonymous said...

If I spent all my life believing in God ,and God was not real ,then I am not gonna lose anything .on contrary I have a peaceful great life.If God is real,all those who don't believe in God will have a problem because they will go to hell.
What does it profit a man if he gained the whole world but lost his soul in the hell? NOTHING...

Bentley said...

Little boy asked, how did we all get here, Mommy?

Mother, well your father took his pants down...no no I cant' say that! He stuck his...I bent over...no no I can't say that..Lets see! Oh yeah, Jesus put in an order for you and everybodys soul thousands of years ago, long before people were born and everyone has soul and if they do not do as God commands they will burn in Hell for ever and ever, so you better be a good little boy all your life, otherwise you will burn in Hell, and if you do not belive what I'm telling you, you will go to Hell some day, but maybe you'll grow up to be a preacher and you will teach everyone about God and his love and mercy for all of mankind and we will all be in Heaven to live for ever and ever, isn't that wonderful how God chose all of us to be here, yes mommy, it all makes so much sense to me, I shall never forget what you told me, and if I meet people in the future that do not believe what you've told me to believe, then I will consider them Atheists and I will know that they are all destined straight for Hell for not believing their mommy.

Anonymous said...

If I spent all my life believing in God ,and God was not real ,then I am not gonna lose anything .on contrary I have a peaceful great life.If God is real,all those who don't believe in God will have a problem because they will go to hell.
What does it profit a man if he gained the whole world but lost his soul in hell? NOTHING...

Charles said...

< Jerry Fallwell said; All those who do not believe in Jesus is going straight to Hell. He did not mention believing in God.>

.:webmaster:. said...

Hey Nony-nony!

If you don't have the right version of the right religion you're going to hell too!

OR, maybe Allah is the real true God and then all Christians are going to hell!

Or, the Jews had it right to begin with, and you're following a false cult!

Hot, hot, hotter!

Man, you better make sure you have the right religion, I mean, really, really, really make sure. Otherwise, not only have you wasted your life, you're going to suffer! Man that sucks!

If you want to live in the delusional world of talking donkeys and snakes, naked blabbing prophets, a 6000-year-old universe, flying chariots of fire, and a flying un-dead man-god on a stick, well then please do. It's your life, waste it any way you like!

What's a shame is that you value your own life so little that you find nothing repulsive in the idea of completely wasting it. That's the real sadness. Your life is worthless to you.

Anonymous said...

First of all I want to tell you that you talk about God without knowing Him ,without having any experience with Him.What does it cost you if you tried to put your faith in Him?nothing...
I wonder how people can live without God.God is all what I need,He made great things in my life what no body can ever made .
Look at the the great universe ,the human body , supernatural miracles every single thing tells you that God does exist .
What is worthy in your eyes? spending your life earning money ?you are going to die and you are not gonna take anything with you. God is worthy .I have hope peace joy happiness .I am rich with the love of God , all "wealthy" people are pour with their money .(I don't mean that money is not important but I mean it is not every thing in life).
Sky and earth will pass away but the word of God will never ever pass away.
It is very difficult to understand God with your human mind but that doesn't mean that god doesn't exist.I promise you that believng in God is the best choice that you will ever make in your life.
Note:Jesus is God.
God bless you.

Anonymous said...


Isn't it better to believe in Jesus than not to believe in any religion at all???

.:webmaster:. said...

Isn't it better to believe in Thor than in no religion at all? Isn't it better to believe in the Gods of Mt Olympus than in no religion at all? Isn't it better to believe in Allah than in no religion at all.

Isn't it sad that so many religious people can't think?

Jim Arvo said...

Anonymous: "First of all I want to tell you that you talk about God without knowing Him ,without having any experience with Him."

I submit that the very same thing is true of you.

Anonymous: "What does it cost you if you tried to put your faith in Him? nothing..."

Objection! Asked and answered. Your honor, I move that counsel's remark be stricken from the record.

Anonymous: "I wonder how people can live without God."

Um, look around? They live without belief in your god in roughly the same way that you live without belief in the Easter Bunny.

Anonymous: "God is all what I need,He made great things in my life whno body can ever made ."

Objection! Your honor, please admonish counsel for poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Anonymous: "Look at the the great universe ,the human body , supernatural miracles every single thing tells you that God does exist ."

I'm looking at what little bit of the universe I can see, I'm quite familiar with the human body, and I've never in my life encountered the slightest trace of anything supernatural. So your conclusion is a complete non sequitur.

Anonymous: "What is worthy in your eyes? spending your life earning money ?"

You ask 100 people and you'll get 100 different answers. You are here pedaling one specific answer as if you have some great insight that everyone else lacks. Pardon me for poking fun at your commentary, but to me you sound thoroughly naive.

Anonymous: "you are going to die and you are not gonna take anything with you."

Neither are you! The difference is that you will have wasted the one life you have chasing an imaginary friend, ignoring the abundant evidence that your religion is a man-made belief system, while we will have gotten past that and tried to make a lasting contribution to society. (And "gonna" is not a word.)

Anonymous: "God is worthy ."

Of what? Which god?

Anonymous: "I have hope peace joy happiness .I am rich with the love of God , all 'wealthy' people are pour with their money .(I don't mean that money is not important but I mean it is not every thing in life)."

Very insightful. I'm guessing you learned that from your religion, right? I'm impressed.

Anonymous: "Sky and earth will pass away but the word of God will never ever pass away."

How poetic. I actually agree with you in that it's probably improper to speak of something "passing away" if it never existed in the first place.

Anonymous: "It is very difficult to understand God with your human mind..."

Sorry, but that's the only kind of mind I have, and I do the best I can with it.

Anonymous: "...but that doesn't mean that god doesn't exist."

Right! Not understanding does not equal not existing. Got it.

Anonymous: "I promise you that believng in God is the best choice that you will ever make in your life."

Actually, deciding to think for myself was probably the best decision I've ever made. Many here will tell you the same. So, how do you intend to make good on that promise?

Anonymous: "Note:Jesus is God."

Thanks for clearing that up. Duly noted.

Anonymous: "God bless you."

I didn't sneeze.

Anonymous: "Isn't it better to believe in Jesus than not to believe in any religion at all???"

Isn't it better to believe in the Loch Ness monster than to believe in no monsters at all? Isn't it better to believe in alien abductions than to not believe in UFOs at all? Wait, wait.... I have a better one. Isn't it better to believe in Ouija boards and spoon bending than to believe in no paranormal phenomena at all?

(Answer to all of the above: No. Why do you ask?)

Anonymous said...

Being a christian doesn't mean that you should spend your life reading The Holy Bible and praying.
It means to have a relationship with God.I want to remind you that you should not talk about something that you have not experienced at all.Being a Christian means to live your life, enjoy it ,facing problems ,that a normal person can't solve,with boldness knowing that every thing is in the hands of God ,treating people right,loving people with the love of God ,blessing them,having a great relationship with God by praying and reading The Holy bible.
You may tell me I can do all these things by myself without God.But the truth is that you can't and what ever you made will never be adequate.
AGAIN I TELL YOU GOD BLESS YOU.

.:webmaster:. said...

"I want to remind you that you should not talk about something that you have not experienced at all."

You have no idea what I have experienced. Therefore, to be consistent, you should take your own advice and make no comment about my, or anyone else's, experiences with a god, goddess, pixie, fairy, or leprechaun. Since you have absolutely no experience in my, or anyone else's, skin, according to your own thought process, you are completely out of line.

I'm guessing, however, that honest reflection doesn’t play a big role in your intellectual life.

Jim Arvo said...

Anonymous: "Being a christian... It means to have a relationship with God."

We hear that about 100 times a day here. Please demonstrate for me that you have a "relationship" with an invisible being. Do the two of you chat a lot? Does she speak in full sentences? Does she answer your questions directly, or do you need to piece together little clues and try to infer what she wants? If you're up for it I have a little challenge for you, which would provide very substantial evidence of your deity to me if you pass it. (But not one single believer has taken me up on it yet. How confident are you?)

Anonymous: "I want to remind you that you should not talk about something that you have not experienced at all."

I'll talk about anything I please, thank you. Besides, if we adopted that rule, then we would not allow you to speak until you provided evidence that you have "experienced" god. Which is to say, you would never be allowed to speak of your deity. (Unless, of course, you were the first person on the face of the Earth who could actually provide some evidence of a supernatural being.)

Anonymous: "Being a Christian means to live your life, enjoy it ,facing problems ,that a normal person can't solve,..."

That's complete bullshit. Your belief in invisible conscious entities prepares you no better for dealing with life's uncertainties than carrying a rabbit's foot. If anything, it blinds you to the need for critical thinking, which ultimately will work against you. Here you are apparently rattling on about something YOU know nothing about.

Anonymous: "...with boldness knowing that every thing is in the hands of God ,treating people right,loving people with the love of God ,blessing them,having a great relationship with God by praying and reading The Holy bible."

Believing that everything will be taken care of by some invisible being is akin to insanity, in my opinion. Does your god protect people from hurricanes and tsunamis? Want to bet that there is a high correlation between taking matters into your own hands (e.g. by preparing) and surviving such a disaster?

By the way, pushing your brand of religion and your specific invisible deity onto others should not be construed as treating them "right". It's arrogant and condescending. Go ahead and believe it yourself if that makes you happy, but don't expect to persuade anybody else unless you can provide credible evidence and/or sound reasoning.

Anonymous: "You may tell me I can do all these things by myself without God.But the truth is that you can't and what ever you made will never be adequate."

Don't talk about "truth" unless you're prepared to offer some concrete evidence for your assertions. What you just said is pure unsubstantiated babble, as you are making broad (and vague) assertions that you have absolutely no way to back up, even in principle.

To me, that highlights the major difference between (most) believers and non-believers. It seems that most believers are content to simply make an assertion, and if it "feels" right to them, or seems to bolster their faith, then is simply MUST be true. To people like me, however, that is simply a form of self-delusion. Unless you have something concrete to back up your assertion, it's at best an content-free opinion.

Anonymous: "AGAIN I TELL YOU GOD BLESS YOU."

Again, I tell you I didn't sneeze.

I'll close with some simple and direct questions to you. I'd appreciate simple and direct answers:

1) Can you name a few books that you're read that are critical of Christianity?

2) Have you read any holy books other than the Bible (e.g. the Koran, the Bhagavad-Gita, the Book or Mormon)?

3) Do you admit that there are people who believe in "false" gods just as fervently as you believe in yours?

4) Can you admit the possibility (however remote) that the god you worship is a myth?

5) Do you acknowledge the existence of honest intelligent people who have earnestly studied the Bible, and concluded that it is a purely man-made artifact (as are all other holy books)?

Anonymous said...

Being a christian doesn't mean that you should spend your life reading The Quran and praying to Allah.
It means to have a relationship with Allah.I want to remind you that you should not talk about something that you have not experienced at all.Being a Muslim means to live your life, enjoy it ,facing problems ,that a normal person can't solve,with boldness knowing that every thing is in the hands of Donald Duck ,treating people right,loving people with the love of Santa ,blessing them,having a great relationship with The Easter Bunny by praying and reading Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.
You may tell me I can do all these things by myself without BugsBunny. But the truth is that you can't and what ever you made will never be adequate.
AGAIN I TELL YOU SNEEZY BLESS YOU.

Anonymous said...

An astronout told a doctor that he traveled in the universe but he didn't see the kingdom of God.Then the doctor replied :"I have made many operations in human brain but I have never seen thoughts".
But you know that although we don't see thoughts that doesn't mean that they don't exist.

.:webmaster:. said...

Hey Anony-nony, clicking on the "other" button when posting comments will allow you to post under a pseudonym. Using a pseudonym increases accuracy in directing replies to your comments. No registration, webpage or email address is required.

Jim Arvo said...

Anonymous: "...although we don't see thoughts that doesn't mean that they don't exist."

Of course not! First, as I think everybody understands, not being able to detect something does not mean that it does not exist. Had we not already established that? But we have other empirical evidence of thoughts. If we have no evidence of any kind for something, then there is NO REASON TO BELIEVE IT EXISTS, which is distinct from a dogmatic assertion that it does not exist. See the difference?

I do not assert that your god does not exist merely because I cannot see her. Please don't project that absurd argument onto me or others here. That's a level of thinking befitting a five-year-old. What I do assert is that I HAVE SEEN NO CREDIBLE EVIDENCE for such a being; all the evidence that has been proffered by believers such as yourself ends up being based on fallacious reasoning or distortion of fact. It *never* holds up to scrutiny.

By the way, if you're the same "Anonymous" as before (could you PLEASE pick a distinct name!), I'd appreciate answers to my questions. I'll happily answer your questions.

Jim Arvo said...

Hello Anonymous from 4/25/2006 12:17 PM EST (and probably other posts as well),

1) Could you please address the questions I put to you on 4/25/2006 (1:00 PM EST)? One-sentence answers would suffice.

2) Could you please click on "Other" and make up a name for yourself other than "Anonymous"? That way we needn't guess as to which Anonymous you are.

Thank you.


P.S. If you chose to not reply, I'll assume the following answers, which are not very flattering to you:

1) No, I cannot list a single book that I're read that is critical of Christianity, since I haven't read any.

2) No, the only "holy" book I've ever read is my very own Bible.

3) No, I am 100% sure that my god exists, even though I have no evidence to that effect.

4) No, people who do not believe in the very same god that I do are obviously not being honest.

Dave8 said...

Anonymous: "An astronout told a doctor that he traveled in the universe but he didn't see the kingdom of God.Then the doctor replied :"I have made many operations in human brain but I have never seen thoughts".
But you know that although we don't see thoughts that doesn't mean that they don't exist."

A competent astronaut can not possibly find a transcendent supernatural god, becuase a competent astronaut exists in this natural universe.

A competent neurosurgeon can in fact see thought, as thought is the product of neurological cognition and communicable output. Cognition can visually be displayed and investigated using technologies such as Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI), Computerized Axial Tomography scans (CAT scan), etc. The communicable outputs come in the form of non-verbal and verbal communications where they are directly linked to specific cognition patterns.

So, it appears you have provided an example of an incompetent neurosurgeon, to promote the idea of your god. It appears the doctor in your example, is someone you appear to hold in high esteem - perhaps one day, with enough effort and time, you will eventually acquire this doctor's level of knowledge.

JAF said...

This is so pathetic of some of you people ,have you ever taken time to read the Bible probably not.
Get over yourselves and do something positive instead of spreading your hate all over the world.
What is your problem did someone die in your family or did you get sick?
We all suffer from different afflictions in life ,i lived my life without my Father because he was killed when i was only young so did i go on a pity party of hate ? No i lived my life to help others and not dwell on myself.Grow up people .
Jerry

freethinker05 said...

JAF, have you ever read any of the testimonials on this site, probably not, otherwise, you would learn how pathetic your holy buy-bull is.

Roger...A/A

.:webmaster:. said...

Happy holidays, JAF.

I'll tell you what. I'll "grow up" when you and the rest of the Christian cultists let go of the bitterness and angst against all those who think the Christian religion is baloney.

Peace.

AtheistToothFairy said...

JAF said...
This is so pathetic of some of you people ,have you ever taken time to read the Bible probably not

Jerry,

I can think of no better proof in the quest to discover that the bible is made up of mythical stories/legends, than by actually READING IT.

Of course, one has to take one's head out of the camel-sand, in order to realize the bible easily disproves itself.
If it were any other book of myths, you would easily see through it's fiction, but because you were brainwashed very young to believe it's all true, you wear blinders when you read it's proclamations.

Think about it Jerry, would you believe in any other ancient myth of some god if I tried to get you to believe it were true, so why is this particular mythical jesus-god, the one that butters-your-bread.


ATF (Who thinks Jerry here, needs some cult-awareness-training)