Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism
A speech delivered to the Stomach Club, a society of American writers and artists, Paris, 1879 by Mark Twain My gifted predecessor has warned you against the "social evil — adultery." In his able paper he exhausted that subject; he left absolutely nothing more to be said on it. But I will continue his good work in the cause of morality by cautioning you against that species of recreation called self-abuse — to which I perceive that you are [too] much addicted. All great writers upon health and morals, both ancient and modern, have struggled with this stately subject; this shows its dignity and importance. Some of these writers have taken one side, some the other. Homer, in the second book of the "Iliad", says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death!" Caesar, in his "Commentaries", says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and [to the] impotent it is a benefactor; they that [be? , are