Confessions of a Non-Christian

by Ben Cartwright
Many times in my recent years, I have been classified as a “non-Christian.” At first, I objected to this on the grounds that this did not describe anything about me. But nowadays, I’ve gotten used to it, and I would like to tell you a few other things about myself.

First of all, a few basic things. My race is non-black. I have non-red hair, and my height is non-five foot six. My favorite sport is non-soccer. My favorite food is non-green beans.

In case you’d like to know more about me, I live in a non-house, I speak non-Japanese, I majored in non-mathematics in college, and I love non-classical music.

I like long walks on the non-pavement, I enjoy traveling by non-train, I prefer non-Baroque art, and my favorite thing to read is the non-newspaper.

I’m sure Christians also won’t mind my applying the same technique when I talk about them, so instead of calling them “Christians” from now on, I’m going to call them “non-Muslims.”
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