Jesus...f*** you

By Ian

Hi Jesus.

Jet me start out by saying F*** you. Yeah, that's right. F*** you. F*** you uncle f***er. What the f***? you ask. Allow me to explain. After careful consideration and a lot of thinking, I have come to the conclusion that you, as presented in the Bible and your followers, are a f***er.

How so? Let's see. If people don't believe in you, you damn them to hell. Real nice and merciful. If you damn people to hell for not believing in you and thus harming your ego, then f*** you. If you damn people to hell for following Christianity, then f*** you. If you're going to damn ME for being a freethinker and a humanist, then you're a really psychotic son of God.

Want to change your image Jesus? How about starting off by getting rid of all your spokespersons. Why not start with Billy Graham? He's a big motherf***er. I mean come on, wrinkly as a prune, thinks Satan is out to ruin the world, threatens us with hell if we don't believe, runs a big evangelical empire, etc. He's an old fart who frankly, is an asshole. Along with all the other fire and brimstone preachers who are more then happy to believe that Hindu and Chinese children who never heard of Jesus will go to hell. He's so goddamn sure of himself and your stupid religion that it really pisses me off. He keeps saying "Come to Jesus. Come to Jesus. Come to Jesus."

Actually, that reminds me. I've come to you Jesus. Twice now. I lapsed a few days ago, unable to take the pressure, anxiety, uncertainty (which you caused by the way) of not following you. So I lapsed. Yes, I lapsed back into following you. But now, I can clearly see that you are an asshole who will damn everyone who is not a Christian to hell at the end of time. If that's who you are Jesus, then I want nothing to do with you.

You and your sayings have caused me nothing but misery, anxiety, depression, fear, terror, and sadness. You truly are a divider. You make some people ecstatically happy while making others (me) truly depressed and full of fear because we don't believe in you. Of course, you didn't really give much of a choice for those who want to think for themselves. Believe in me, or you will be damned. Wow. Mighty fine choices you gave us.

After Billy Graham, why not Greg Laurie? Then go after those nut-jobs who wrote the Left Behind series! The next generation of spreading fear and terror in Christ's name! Amen brother!

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote. Your dad's book (which is a piece of boring shit) says that those who don't believe in the message of the cross are unsaved and wicked. Well whoop-dee-do. Big surprise there. After all, the idea that you covered all of humanity's sins for all time by dying on a cross sounds nice. But to free thinkers and those who like personal responsibility and getting what you earn, it sounds stupid. To get into heaven, all you have to do is believe in Jesus and accept him as lord. Sounds simple. But everyone who doesn't do that goes to hell. Doesn't matter how nice you are, doesn't matter how good, friendly, kind, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent you are, you're still going to hell. While as a believer in Jesus, you can do pretty much do anything. Why? Because Christians are forgiven! (Speaking of which, can you do me a favor and damn that insensitive asshole who came up with that bumper sticker "Christians aren't different, we're just forgiven."? That sticker really pisses me off).

In this system, personal conduct and responsibility mean nothing. People, even the most scum-ridden filth, can go to heaven simply by accepting a gift. Shouldn't heaven be based on, oh I don't know, personal conduct? Isn't the most fair type of system the one that gives people what they earn? In a perfect afterlife system, people would go to where they fit in, with religion having nothing to do with it. Of course, according to the yawn inducing gospel, that's not how it goes. It all has to do with faith and belief.

I, with my own intellect, am for people getting what they earn. Of course, because I'm not a believer, I'm wicked and evil. My sinful tendencies are driving me to get along with others, make other people happy, peacefully co-exist with others and make the world a better place. Hmm...I think I'll follow my sinful tendencies!

Basically Jesus, it boils down to this: Having you in my life has caused nothing but misery and sorrow. When you were out of my life, before I came to Christianity, I was a lot happier. When I left Christianity, I was a lot happier. Whenever you come into my life, along with that religion of yours, my happiness and well-being plunged. You are supposed to be the Great Shepherd. Well, you threaten your sheep and terrify them into following you mindlessly. The sheep that thinks for itself and tries to improve itself as an individual is the one that is cast out of the flock to be torn to shreds by ravenous wolves. The sheep that dares to think the other sheep can be nice and are good at heart is the one that is chucked into the harsh wilderness to wander forever.

I'm the sheep that thinks for itself. But to you and God, the devil and demons, I'm just currency. I'm a piece on the chessboard that's up for grabs. Nobody gives a shit what I want, what I think, and what I believe. All that matters is getting this piece. God apparently wants me to worship Him and do His will (getting others to do His will, repeat to infinity), while Satan wants to torture me and cut me off from God for all eternity. And I, as the piece on the chessboard, have virtually no say in the matter. Both choices seem pretty bad, but at least with Satan I would be away from those f***ing evangelicals (the real bogeymen of lore) and fundamentalists (a cancer that needs to be wiped off the face of the earth). Amen to that!

I'm the sheep that thinks for itself. You may be a shepherd, but you intimidate, threaten, and use fear to keep us in line instead of love. I want nothing to do with you anymore. I would rather focus on God and not on you because frankly, You (along with your agents) have made my life hell. You're not an individual I would want to be associated with, and you're a despicable being if you're going to damn billions to hell because they don't believe in you. Hitler and Stalin may have killed and tortured, but at least the suffering for their victims came to an end. Your victims will be tortured forever and ever without end. You, dear sir, are evil. If you are the son of God, then your father must be even more insane and cruel then you are.

You caused me nothing but misery. You threaten, intimidate, and apparently damn people to hell. You are a negative part of my life. Unlike all the big name people in the world who proclaim you as a master and a teacher who taught love (Hahahahahah), I actually looked at you in the Bible. Almost all of your teachings are shockingly mean, and you damn people who don't believe in you.

You sir, are disgusting and you sir, are someone I don't respect at all. If you are going to damn me for not believing in you and for believing in the power of love and kindness, then f*** you. Of course, according to the bible, I'm already damned. You're going to send me to hell saying that you never knew me. All my achievements, all of my accomplishments are worth shit. My life is shit. I am, according to you and your Nazg├╗l (John and the apostles), shit.

And that, Jesus, is why I say...f*** you.

Pageviews this week: