The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

by Tyrone Williams (aka Checkmate)

The Bible is a book of vile trash. From cover to cover, Old Testament and New, from the mouths of Moses, Jesus or Paul, the “word of God” is an “inspired” mish-mash of instructions and commandments that promote MURDER, GENOCIDE, RAPE, ABORTION, INFANTICIDE, SLAVERY, HATRED, MISOGYNY, MANIFEST DESTINY, CONQUEST, INTOLERANCE, RACISM, BIGOTRY, CLASSISM, IGNORANCE, GULLIBILITY, SELF-MUTILATION, THE BELIEF IN MAGIC and just about every IMMORAL and HEINOUS DEPRAVITY a sick mind can imagine. And there is not one HONEST person, who has read the Bible, who can deny this fact.

However, I am being told by the Liberal Christian (Liberal, in this case, meaning any Christian who ISN’T a Fundamentalist.) that I need to ignore all these “bad” things, and simply focus on the “good”. Yes, the Liberal agrees, the Bible is guilty of having a few “blemishes,” but why not simply throw out these “aberrations” and focus instead on the “good moral teachings/lessons” we can learn from the Bible?

“Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water,” the Deluded Liberal will advise us. That sounds SO magnanimous and wise, doesn’t it? What a lovely compromise. Keep the good and get rid of the bad.

Well, I have a few problems with applying this specious “logic” and this trite cliché to something so influential as the Bible.

First off, this Holy Bible is SUPPOSED to be the “word of God.” An “inspired” tome from the mind and office of the Supreme Being. And you would think that something from “God” would be “good”. In other words, there shouldn’t BE anything “bad” to “throw out.” Admitting that there IS something “bad” to be avoided and discarded is an admission that this Bible is NOT inspired. It has not been vetted and proofread by the office of the Supreme Being. It is wholly a book of narrow-minded and ignorant goat herders who didn’t know their anus from a hole in the ground. Why should I labor to sift through their mess in the hopes of finding a “pearl” or two?

Secondly, who decides what is “good” and what is “bad”? Evil men, looking to validate their behavior, will view as “good” all commandments to murder the enemies of “God”, enslave races, steal property, subjugate women and discriminate against “God’s enemies” (gays, atheists, pagans, etc.). Everything becomes relative and excusable. We are once again left with individuals determining “morality” and “ethics” for themselves, while placing the blame for their behavior on “God”. It is precisely this “Buffet Style”, pick-and-choose methodology that has given rise to persecution, bloodshed and the 40,000 distinct Christian denominations world-wide. All of whom claiming to be the ONLY ones holding to the “truth of God’s Word.”

Third, the Deluded Liberal Christian is assuming facts NOT in evidence. That being the unproven assumption that there IS something “good” (the “baby”) in the Bible (the filthy bath water). Aside from the inherent flaw of determining what is in fact “good”, I grow weary of people trying to convince me that this “Jesus” was a great moral teacher and that his words and ways are to be emulated and revered as noble.

Such teachings as...

Telling people to love their enemies, while telling them to hate their families? Is that “good”? Telling people to accept abuse and a beating from evil people, thus short-circuiting your “GOD”-given survival instinct? Is that “good”? Telling people to go into poverty, abandon their familial responsibilities and follow “Jesus” the cult leader into a life of sacrifice and death? Is that “good”? Telling people to mutilate themselves for having “lustful” (and again “God”-given) thoughts? Is that “good”? TERRORIZING people by telling them they must follow and believe in him, even though he speaks in riddles thus making it impossible to believe in him, or else his “Father” (who is also “Jesus”?) will cast you into the Lake of Fire for an eternal torment? Is that “good”?

Of course not. THESE are clearly examples of “bad bath water” to be thrown out. Which only brings me back to my first two complaints. If this “Jesus” is supposed to be this brilliant, moral paragon of virtue, then WHY do we find him spouting such INSANE drivel that any rational person would cast aside? One moment he has flashes of brilliance (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. A “Golden Rule” common to MOST cultures BEFORE “Jesus” came along, by the way.) and the next moment this “Jesus” devolves into madness by telling people to gouge out their eyes and cut off their hands as punishment for lewd thoughts. WTF?

According to the Gospel accounts, even the "Virgin Mary", Jesus' siblings and John the Baptist had their doubts about his veracity and sanity. It seems to me that even the “Baby Jesus” needs to be chucked out, too!

This cliché about babies and bath water is not applicable. It assumes that there is something inherently “good” to be preserved, when no such thing has been proven. A more accurate analogy is that of a man rooting around in pig crap in the hopes of finding some food to eat. And personally, I wouldn’t be the one to EAT that food, even if you did manage to find it.

Allow me to take a page from the Christian’s Play Book, and use one of their own fables that they tell around the pulpit. It’s the story of the “Poo-Poo Brownies.” This hackneyed saw is used by Christians to demonstrate that even a LITTLE bit of sin should NEVER be tolerated.

The story goes: One day, in a loving Christian home, the children ask their mother if they could watch a certain TV show. The mother is against the idea, since the show is laced with violence, profanity and nudity. Not very “Christian”. But the children beg their mother, saying that there wasn’t THAT much violence, profanity and nudity. Just a little bit. Surely not enough to harm them and their walk with “Jesus”. The mother thought a bit about this and then said, “Alright, you can watch that show. And I’ll even make you some Special Brownies to eat while you watch.” The children were overjoyed.

Later, just before the show was to air, the mother had finished baking the Special Brownies. When she offered them to her children, they asked her what made these brownies so “special”? The mother then told them that she added a unique ingredient to the mix — a tablespoon of dog poop! Immediately the children recoiled from the brownies in disgust, refusing to eat them.

When the mother asked them why they refused to eat the Poo-Poo Brownies, they answered, “They have dog poo in them! That’s disgusting!”

“Well,” mom answered, “it’s only a LITTLE dog poop. Not a lot. You probably won't even taste it. And it's surely not enough to hurt you or make you sick.”

“How do you know that, Mom?! We think even a little bit of dog poop is bad!”

The Mother smiled. “Exactly right. Just as even a LITTLE bit of SIN from that TV show is bad.” And the light dawned in their little minds, as they saw the wisdom of the mother and her Poo-Poo Brownies. After that they decided not to watch the TV show after all.

Christians simply LOVE that story. I do, too, but for my own “sinister” purposes. Let’s change the object of the story from a naughty TV show, to the vile and objectionable Bible. Look at the feculent ingredients that went into making it.

Do you REALLY think it’s wise to “eat” this “word of God” with all this feces smeared upon it’s pages? Look how sick it has made the human race thus far. The moral of the “Poo-Poo Brownies” is that even a LITTLE bit of crap shouldn’t be acceptable. I say the same rule should be applied to the Bible. Why should our minds be less protected than our stomachs? Why is it considered wisdom to protect ourselves from "bad" TV, while simultaneously exposing ourselves to this horrid, horror story from "God"? Why is the "PG-13" rated "Harry Potter" counted as "evil", while the "R" rated snuff film "The Passion of the Christ" and the holy book that inspired it are considered "family entertainment"?

Our government has forced the tobacco companies to place warning labels on their product, telling people that they could die from smoking. The FDA and EPA enforce health and safety regulations making the producers of consumables warn their consumers of any and all potential health risks associated with their products. The Bible should be equipped with similar warning signs.

“Danger! Literal belief in this book is dangerous to your health! Contents may conflict with reality, decency and common sense. Parental Advisory: Contains scenes of violence, sex and immorality, not suitable for children. For entertainment purposes ONLY. Rated NC-17.”

I wonder how many people would buy a “Holy Bible” then? Would it still be the world’s number one seller? Would parents feel comfortable allowing their children access to such a thing if they knew what was in it? Probably so. People are stupid that way. After all, I don’t see much of a drop in sales for cigarettes, alcohol and cocaine.


Ian said...

"The moral of the “Poo-Poo Brownies” is that even a LITTLE bit of crap shouldn’t be acceptable. I say the same rule should be applied to the Bible. Why should our minds be less protected than our stomachs? Why is it considered wisdom to protect ourselves from "bad" TV, while simultaneously exposing ourselves to this horrid, horror story from "God"? Why is the "PG-13" rated "Harry Potter" counted as "evil", while the "R" rated snuff film "The Passion of the Christ" and the holy book that inspired it are considered "family entertainment"?"

Outstanding observation there. I had never even thought of that before, but it makes perfect sense.

Anonymous said...

Ha! Guess I left the church too soon to have heard that one cuz it's new to me!

Excellent way to turn the tables!!

Steven Bently said...

I totally agree!!!

Is the Bible the works from a God, what is a God supposed to be like?

Isn't a God supposed to be intelligent? Didn't this God create the whole universe in just six days? Isn't this God supposed to be pure in thought and wisdom?

Isn't this God supposed to be self-sustaining why would he need an angel to keep him company, only later to find this angel cheating at checkers and then this God expells this angel(Satan).

Why would a God whom already lives in Heaven and eternal bliss, has ownership of all things imaginable, why would he create an Earth with people on it, knowing fullwell this angel that he has already kicked out of Heaven and knows cannot be trusted, would corrupt anything outside of Heaven in the first place?

Then he creates two beings to worship him and then this talking snake (Satan) decieves the woman, and then the woman corrupts the man?

Then this all knowing God asks where were you, I was looking for you? And the man and the woman said, we were hiding. This God gets angry, so now would have been the perfect time to introduce a savior, to come to their rescue and save them from the evil torment of Satan and God's wrath.

So now Eve has two son's, one kills the other, and God puts a mark on him that all that shall find him shall slay him, but there are no one else around to slay him, except mom and pop. Wow, just three people on Earth and the punishment is more than Cain can possibly bare, he should have thought of that before he killed is brother!!!

Then people's hearts were continually wicked...ohhhh and it repented the Lord Thy God that he had created a man and a woman, so he found favorite in Noah and his family, so he commissioned Noah 600 years old, to build a boat, he never seen a boat before, to be built out of gopher wood, with no tools, no saw, no hammer, no screwdriver, no nails, no electricty, no hardware, no plans, only the dimensions, three stories tall, no bathrooms, no water, no life preservers, no life boats, no compass, no steering wheel, no sail.

How many people would gladly board a ship that they have never seen before, not knowing it's destination, no knowing when it will return, no knowing if it will even float, no bathrooms, no water, no life jackets, no life boats, build by a 600 year old drunkard?

Then God drowns all the people, babies, the elderly, pregnant women, etc. and innocent animals and trees, then Noah lands on Mt.Ararat, 17,500 ft. above typical sea-level, 3.3 miles above the typical sea level, the temperature must of been below freezing, but everything worked out ok, so Noah in thanks to God, got stone drunk.

Now Sodom and Gomorrah, everyones heart was continuely wicked, again!

What happened to Noah and the genocide filtering, since Noah's family was so pure?

Then Sodom and Gomorrah, it was ok for Abram to turn around and look back at the city, but it was not ok for Lot's wife to turn around and look back at the city, she got turned into a pillar of salt, so Lot took his two virgin daughters whom were married, and they got him drunk and had sex with their father and both had babies by him.

This is just from the first few verses!!!

Yeah it's so believable!! It would take a perfect fool to believe it!!

SpaceMonk said...

Thanks Tyrone.
That was awesome, every bit of it, and I couldn't agree more.

Anonymous said...

But ATHEISTS ans SCIENCE will save us!

While fundies only IMAGINE scenarios for the end of the world, atheistic scientists have filled that world with weapons of mass destruction that make the end a REAL possibility.

Anonymous said...

Juat pray Emanual, and all things will get much better!!

Anonymous said...

Its not going to get better.

The end will come, fueled by the weapons that atheistic scientists have built.

Mankind is being given enough rope to hang ITSELF.

And hell will be waiting.

In the meantime, comfort yourself with the delusion that it is not.

Anonymous said...


"But ATHEISTS ans SCIENCE will save us!

While fundies only IMAGINE scenarios for the end of the world, atheistic scientists have filled that world with weapons of mass destruction that make the end a REAL possibility."
Goldy, are you serious? If so, then you're every bit the idiot people say you are.

The ONLY thing we need to be "saved from" is human stupidity! Stupid humans who look to the "heavens" for solutions to rain down like manna, instead of rolling up their sleeves and fixing the human condition ourselves.

Oh, and while you're busy wringing your hands about "weapons of mass destruction", remember this: It is YOUR idiotic FUNDY president who controls these WMDs, and NOT the "atheist scientists." (BTW, what proof do you have that the scientists who created the A-bomb were indeed atheists?) It is not the scientist who does the killing, but the religious zealots. Wake up and smell what you're shovelling.

Anonymous said...

SCIENCE has provided the weapons of mass detruction.

Only fools put guns in the hands of children.

Oppenheimer, an atheist, was the father of the A bomb who famously told Truman. "the scientists have blood on their hands.".

And while you bellache about the fundy Pres the atheistic Asian nut cases are doing all they can to spread the wmds all around the world.

Mankind is getting ready to hand ITSELF.

Who ya kiddin?

Anonymous said...

"Only fools put guns in the hands of children." A very apt description of the rabid rightwing nutcakes who oppose any means of gun control -- and the only true statement that Goldy has ever posted here.

But, when it comes to end-of-the-world scenarios, I think we have a lot more to fear from fundies who are actively working to bring about Armageddon than any scientist.

Anonymous said...


The nuke was going to get built regardless if America did it or not. Attempting to use that as a source of blame is pathetic.

Far more people have died in the name of religion than those by the use of nuclear weapons. And should any nuclear war occur, I wonder what reasoning will be behind it? I'll put my money on a religous reasons.

The only thing that you are correct in saying is that putting guns in the hands of children is dangerous and seeing that so many people still hold a belief in imaginary beings and magical powers only exposes the childlike mentality of the world. Seeing that over 80% of the US alone still believes in the god fairytale is scary indeed when you give them access to the magic boom stick.

Oppenheimer's comment was one of a man looking forward and seeing the people would die from his technology and he was sad for it. He was man enough to claim the responsibility for it. But he also knew that if he and his team didnt do it, someone else would. While he accepted the blood that would be shed, ultimately that blood was the responsibility of those using the weapons.

As the saying goes, guns don't kill people, people kill people. What makes that more dangerous is religious nuts don't even bother to take responsibility for what they do when they can lay the blame at the feet of their gods.

Atheism and science have done far more in improving the human condition than religion ever has.

n/a said...

"Emanuel Goldstein" wrote:

SCIENCE has provided the weapons of mass destruction.

Well what else have those evil scientists been up to lately?

-developing cures and treatments for disease

-increasing human life expectancy

-decreasing infant mortality

-raising our standard of living

-exploring the universe

-advancing knowledge and reducing ignorance

Only fools put guns in the hands of children.

Only fools allow themselves to be led by children.

Anonymous said...

"And while you bellache about the fundy Pres the atheistic Asian nut cases are doing all they can to spread the wmds all around the world."

I beg your pardon? Did you just say "atheistic *ASIAN* nut cases"?
Gentlemen, case closed, this idiot is not just a religious fucktard, which may be excused (world's gotta have some lowest common denominator), he's a RACIST religious fucktard with more screws loose than the hindenburg.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and a neo-luddite, forgot that.

Get help dude, Serious mental help, heck, i'll pay.

Anonymous said...

Scientists are busy proposing plans for new forms of energy and ways to reduce and bury carbon. What's the fundie position? Skepticism, supposedly, but it's really quack science. They want to wait for more evidence that inefficiency and energy waste cause greenhouse gas buildup.

Goldy, WMDs aren't going to destroy the world, and human history will not end because of sqabbles in a small number of countries thousands of miles away. That 2,000 year old story doesn't scare me a bit.

If we continue to ignore science and bury our heads in the sand (instead of burying CO2), we will be facing enormous problems in a few decades though.

You are going to die of old age, and your grandchildren will suffer because of the fundie position. God is on our side. Everything will be ok for America, blather, blather, blather.

Anonymous said...

It's funny how an attack on a book written entirely by Jews always seems to avoid that subject entirely. If any of you were honest, you would admit how anti-Semitic that you are. That's what I think is at the heart of most of the arguments against Christianity at this site - your closeted bigotry against Jews.

After all, how can you think that a book written by Jews, containing many things that Jews still believe and profess, is evil without also feeling that way about them?

Anonymous said...

It's not about anti-semitism and judging these people by calling them bigots is a great way to win friends. Are you trying to start a fight? And what for, to prove that Jesus is love and he lives in you? I am a Christian here to show my embarrassment about the way other Christians treat exchristians. So sorry about the name calling guys. And no matter what you think, I've questioned it all myself as well. What got me was reading Job. I don't see myself in any position to question God so I try not to. The bible is hard to choke down sometimes but God provided for me a peace that surpassed my understanding. I accept it and I can understand why so many don't. I'm just sorry that those who claim to be on my side of the fence are picking fights.

Anonymous said...


EXCELLENT post, sir! I heard a form of the "poo-poo brownie" story many years back, and it has always seemed a cruel lesson to even intimate with children, if utilized, not to mention the difficulty in knowing just how much a teaspoon of dog shit to add to your brownies really equals out to! ;)

As for science saving us: yes, it poses threats when used by idiots...all great ideas and inventions do...but science will, eventually be the savior of the human race, as soon as the idiots who abuse it have faded into the past like Athena-worsippers...I'd like to use Zeus, there, but I was recently told he's gained some new followers recently...OY VEY!

Meanwhile, those shunning technology are welcome to find a nice hovel, somewhere, maybe in the middle-eastern desert and live your life in quiet solitude and meditation, prayer and the stench of your own poo-poo around you...brownies, anyone?!

Anonymous said...

Very well said, Tyrone. My thoughts exactly.

SpaceMonk said...

John: "...That's what I think is at the heart of most of the arguments against Christianity at this site - your closeted bigotry against Jews..."

Don't drag out that tired bullcrap.

'Oh, no, antisemite, antisemite, no, no, please don't think I'm an anti-semite. Some of my best friends are jews. Hitler was bad...'.


I'm not against Jews or Christians. They're all just people. I'm against Judaism and Christianity (and any other religion) - the bible, the teachings, the theology, etc. and it being spread to further victims.

J. C. Samuelson said...

"After all, how can you think that a book written by Jews, containing many things that Jews still believe and profess, is evil without also feeling that way about them?"

No book is inherently evil, even if it contains things we would call evil. No person is inherently evil, even one who believes in ancient superstitions.

The short answer is that unlike many of the faithful, I am unwilling to label an entire people 'evil' purely on the basis of what book they choose to read. Nor am I willing to call anyone evil based on the actions or beliefs of their ancestors. Again, that is the purview of the religious.

So take your ill-informed, black-and-white, racist accusations elsewhere, John.

Anonymous said...

John: Don´t be daft.

Emanuel: you are correct in that someone who does not believe in anything can be as dangerous as someone who believes in a god.

I believe in something: the inherent value of human life. I believe in it because I am human and attach great value to my own life and happiness, and I cannot think of a valid reason to limit it to myself.

You seem to think religion provides some sort of protection from atrocities. Maybe you should read up on history.

Anonymous said...

Really good post. Christians are nuts, we were once nuts too. The good thing is, christians want to be like us more than they will admit. Only the really sick ones will stay for life.

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