Physics for fundies

By Patrick

I was thinking back to my university days and specifically to the difficulties I had with physics. I chose a scientific discipline as my course of study and this required one to have a good foundation in mathematics, especially algebra and calculus. Not having ever been an "A" student in either, this made the mandatory courses in physics rather difficult. I began to wonder what physics would have been like at a fundie Evangelical university (Nazarene University in Syracuse, Oral Roberts etc) and I began to laugh. I designed a few questions for Introductory Fundie Physics. I would have achieved an A+ in this course in my Xtian days.

    1. Bubba casts a 0.2 kg stone at the skull of a non believer. Bubba is 8 metres from the non believer and the stone is cast from Bubba' s hand at a distance of 1.71 metres above the ground, at a velocity of 16 m/s and at an angle of 51 degrees from the horizontal. At what velocity and with how much force does the stone contact the non believer's skull?

           a) 5 m/s and 900 Newtons

           b) Whatever velocity and force is required to kill the non believer as God will accelerate the stone in flight and ensure it finds its target.

           c) Satan will protect the non believer and it will miss

           d) none of the above

Correct Answer: b

    2. An object dropped from a height in a vacuum will accelerate due to gravity at a rate of:

           a) 9.81 m/s/s

           b) 2.78 m/s/s

           c) Whatever rate satisfies God

           d) It will not accelerate at all if God feels there should be no gravity at that moment

Correct answer: c or d

    3. A Catholic is decorating their Christmas tree and places a false idol lighted Virgin Mary on the tree, instead of a figure of our true Saviour, Jesus Christ. The circuit has a potential of 125 volts, a current of 5 Amperes, and a resistance of 25 Ohms. There is a break in the insulation of one wire and a short to ground occurs while the heretic Catholic is touching it. Resistance in the circuit now decreases to 0.02 Ohms. What amount of lethal excruciating current does this unsaved Catholic receive in Amperes? Show all calculations.

Answer: 250 Amperes

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