Countermeasures: Dealing with fundy-in-laws
By exfundy
Story #1
My wife and I threw a birthday party for our daughter's 14th birthday. We specifically designed the birthday party as a cook-out because we didn't want loads of kids running through our house. We wanted our nephew (Nick) and niece (Kristy) who are 5 and 2 respectively to be there because at this point they are still just kids and they adore my daughters. This of course meant their parents, the fanatical fundy-in-laws (John and Jane), would be in attendance.
As everyone arrived we were very clear that the only reason to go into the house was for a trip straight to the bathroom and back. We told John, Jane and their kids twice just to make sure. About thirty minutes into the party Nick asked Jane if he could go in and watch TV. Noticing that I was standing nearby she said no and told him to go play.
A few minutes later Nick ran to Jane and told her he was tired and he really wanted to go in and watch TV. This time Jane was unaware that I was standing behind her. Thinking no one would hear her she told Nick to quietly go upstairs to my daughters room and to make sure he kept the volume down. She of course also gave him instructions on what channel to watch as he was not allowed to watch many things. She also told him to go to the bathroom first and wash his hands before touching anything.
I slipped inside the house without being noticed while Nick was in the bathroom. I picked up the TV remote in my daughters room and looked at the guide. On the local PBS station there was a show all about evolution scheduled to start in 5 minutes time. I set the DVR to record the episode. I hid in a room across the hall and watched my nephew go into the room. He turned the TV on to whatever station he had been instructed. Sure enough a couple of minutes later the station turned all on its own because it was set to record NOVA. Nick never thought twice about it.
About an hour later Nick came out of the house just as I expected. What happened next though was better than I could have imagined. Nick ran straight to Jane and started telling her something. I was too far away to hear the words, but he was very animated.
As Jane listened to her son a look of horror slowly spread over her face. When she had heard all her fundy brain could handle words literally exploded from her. Everyone looked as Jane shrieked, "Nick, that is a lie straight from the pits of hell. God made everything. That wasn't on the channel I told you to watch. Why didn't you watch the station I told you to watch?"
Sensing it was time for me to step in I ran over and went into action. Of course I feigned complete ignorance of the whole thing. I asked Nick which room he was in while he was watching TV. He told me. I immediately explained to Jane that I had set a show about evolution to tape up in my daughters room. I even told her I did it specifically because I knew she wouldn't want one of her kids to see it and I was afraid one of her kids may stop and turn on the TV downstairs during a trip to the bathroom.
Jane was fuming. I think she knew that she had been had and was irate over it. Before she had a chance to react I had one more thing to say to Nick. I asked him why he was in the house watching TV when I had told him and his mom that he wasn't supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure Jane was praying her god strike me dead that very moment as Nick quickly informed me that his mommy had told him it was OK to go in and watch TV. I looked at Jane and told her I thought we had made it abundantly clear that no one was to be inside for any reason other than to use the bathroom.
Jane hollered for John and Kristy. After John and Jane had a quick whispered exchange they determined it was time to leave even though no cake had been eaten and no presents opened.
I can't be sure, but it seems like the party got much better after they left. I know it did for me.
By the way, before any one tells me that tricking the fanatic fundies kid into watching a show about evolution is no better than the way christians do things allow me to say something. This story does not give you any indication of the extreme amount of disrespect these people have shown me. They have no respect for me at all. Not even in my own home. They must really think that my non-belief entitles them to completely ignore and disregard my rules in my home. My purpose was not to convert their son. Jane is the one that came to our house and blatantly disregarded our rules. Her son should have never been in the house watching TV in the first place. If she had the simple decency to respect us it never would have been an issue. But this is an ongoing and long standing problem. As long as the fanatical fundy-in-laws continue to act this way in my home I will continue to take their disrespect and use it to turn the tables on them and make them the ones that are upset and uncomfortable.
Story #2
My fundy-in-laws have a habit of taking extreme advantage of any kindness shown to them. Let them borrow something and your lucky if you ever see it again. I'm sure you know people like that and can imagine many of the other things they do. However, the one they are absolutely the worst about is when someone agrees to watch their kids.
The first couple of times they asked my wife and I to watch their kids we told them before agreeing what time they had to be back to pick them up. Yet both times they showed up far later than the time they agreed upon. My wife was ready to tell her own sister that she would never again babysit for her. However, I had a bit of a countermeasure brewing inside my brain. So I told my wife to wait and give it one more chance because the next time I would make them seriously regret doing it.
Just a few days later we got another request to watch their kids. We agreed. My wife and I were both adamant as to what time they must be back to pick up their kids. We even told them they would regret it if they didn't show up in time. They didn't like it at all. They tried to explain that they were attending some type of church event and they would have to leave earlier than they wanted to leave. They even tried to convince us it would be sinful of us to not allow them to stay for the whole event because they were doing something for god. Any other time a statement like that would have been cause for me to throw them all out of the house immediately telling them to find another babysitter. That wouldn't have allowed me to carry out my plan though. So instead I just said, "Then god should have known that and supplied a different babysitter." They finally told us they agreed to our terms. Though I knew they had no intention to actually follow through.
Nick and Kristy love playing with our dog since their parents won't let them have one. Not too long after they showed up both kids were on their hands and knees playing with the dog. I was counting on it. I snapped a picture of both of them in that exact position. I immediately took the picture and uploaded it to the computer and with a little bit of Photoshop, Nick and Krista were not on the floor playing with the dogs, instead they were both on their hands and knees locked into dog kennels. The pictures were ready if I had to use them, and I was pretty sure I would. My wife even asked if I would print separate pictures of the kids, the kennel, and the Photoshopped image out onto a single sheet of paper. I wasn't sure why she wanted it, but I obliged.
Of course the agreed upon time came and went without so much as a phone call from the fundy-in-laws. I'm sure in their mind attending a church event was a righteous and godly thing so it was OK to break their promise to us. Just to be nice we tried to call them. We got the result we expected. They didn't answer their phone. They ignored our calls. That is what they had done both the other times. Sporting a huge smile I set my plan into action. I took the Photoshopped picture and transferred it back to my phone. I sent a text to both John and Jane. It said: 'Had to go. Key under mat in back. Kids can't get into any trouble.' I attached the kids in the kennel picture and hit send.
Within 15 seconds both my wife and I were receiving phone calls from John and Jane. We followed their example and ignored their calls. We got text messages from both threatening to call the police. I wasn't really worried about it. I had all the original pictures to prove there were actually no children locked into kennels.
A few minutes later we heard a car come to a screeching stop in front of our house. Within moments the back door was open and John and Jane both came running into our house as fast as they possibly could. When they saw their kids playing a game on the Wii and not locked into dog kennels they realized we had played them like puppets.
It was obvious that both John and Jane were really pissed and wanted to say something. I could have sworn I saw steam coming from their ears. But both knew they had no legitimate argument. They had broken their promise to us and we had called them out on it. My wife however did have something to say. She stood up and handed Jane the paper with the three pictures. In a very calm voice my wife said, "I want you to keep this picture as a reminder. A reminder of the last time I will ever babysit for you because I won't allow you to use my kindness to take advantage of us anymore. Now, take your kids and leave my house."
At that moment I'm sure the Cheshire cat would have been extremely jealous of the huge smile on my face. I couldn't have been more proud of my wife at that moment. Nor could I have been any more thrilled to see the look of complete and utter defeat present in John and Janes' expressions and body language.
That has been over two years ago and we have kept our word. We have not babysit for them again. They won't even ask us unless they are completely desperate. As a matter of fact Jane was so desperate a few weeks back she called me and asked if I would watch her kids. Asking me specifically is a very rare event indeed. What did I say? I barked twice and hung up.
Story #1
My wife and I threw a birthday party for our daughter's 14th birthday. We specifically designed the birthday party as a cook-out because we didn't want loads of kids running through our house. We wanted our nephew (Nick) and niece (Kristy) who are 5 and 2 respectively to be there because at this point they are still just kids and they adore my daughters. This of course meant their parents, the fanatical fundy-in-laws (John and Jane), would be in attendance.
As everyone arrived we were very clear that the only reason to go into the house was for a trip straight to the bathroom and back. We told John, Jane and their kids twice just to make sure. About thirty minutes into the party Nick asked Jane if he could go in and watch TV. Noticing that I was standing nearby she said no and told him to go play.
A few minutes later Nick ran to Jane and told her he was tired and he really wanted to go in and watch TV. This time Jane was unaware that I was standing behind her. Thinking no one would hear her she told Nick to quietly go upstairs to my daughters room and to make sure he kept the volume down. She of course also gave him instructions on what channel to watch as he was not allowed to watch many things. She also told him to go to the bathroom first and wash his hands before touching anything.
I slipped inside the house without being noticed while Nick was in the bathroom. I picked up the TV remote in my daughters room and looked at the guide. On the local PBS station there was a show all about evolution scheduled to start in 5 minutes time. I set the DVR to record the episode. I hid in a room across the hall and watched my nephew go into the room. He turned the TV on to whatever station he had been instructed. Sure enough a couple of minutes later the station turned all on its own because it was set to record NOVA. Nick never thought twice about it.
About an hour later Nick came out of the house just as I expected. What happened next though was better than I could have imagined. Nick ran straight to Jane and started telling her something. I was too far away to hear the words, but he was very animated.
As Jane listened to her son a look of horror slowly spread over her face. When she had heard all her fundy brain could handle words literally exploded from her. Everyone looked as Jane shrieked, "Nick, that is a lie straight from the pits of hell. God made everything. That wasn't on the channel I told you to watch. Why didn't you watch the station I told you to watch?"
Sensing it was time for me to step in I ran over and went into action. Of course I feigned complete ignorance of the whole thing. I asked Nick which room he was in while he was watching TV. He told me. I immediately explained to Jane that I had set a show about evolution to tape up in my daughters room. I even told her I did it specifically because I knew she wouldn't want one of her kids to see it and I was afraid one of her kids may stop and turn on the TV downstairs during a trip to the bathroom.
Jane was fuming. I think she knew that she had been had and was irate over it. Before she had a chance to react I had one more thing to say to Nick. I asked him why he was in the house watching TV when I had told him and his mom that he wasn't supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure Jane was praying her god strike me dead that very moment as Nick quickly informed me that his mommy had told him it was OK to go in and watch TV. I looked at Jane and told her I thought we had made it abundantly clear that no one was to be inside for any reason other than to use the bathroom.
Jane hollered for John and Kristy. After John and Jane had a quick whispered exchange they determined it was time to leave even though no cake had been eaten and no presents opened.
I can't be sure, but it seems like the party got much better after they left. I know it did for me.
By the way, before any one tells me that tricking the fanatic fundies kid into watching a show about evolution is no better than the way christians do things allow me to say something. This story does not give you any indication of the extreme amount of disrespect these people have shown me. They have no respect for me at all. Not even in my own home. They must really think that my non-belief entitles them to completely ignore and disregard my rules in my home. My purpose was not to convert their son. Jane is the one that came to our house and blatantly disregarded our rules. Her son should have never been in the house watching TV in the first place. If she had the simple decency to respect us it never would have been an issue. But this is an ongoing and long standing problem. As long as the fanatical fundy-in-laws continue to act this way in my home I will continue to take their disrespect and use it to turn the tables on them and make them the ones that are upset and uncomfortable.
Story #2
My fundy-in-laws have a habit of taking extreme advantage of any kindness shown to them. Let them borrow something and your lucky if you ever see it again. I'm sure you know people like that and can imagine many of the other things they do. However, the one they are absolutely the worst about is when someone agrees to watch their kids.
The first couple of times they asked my wife and I to watch their kids we told them before agreeing what time they had to be back to pick them up. Yet both times they showed up far later than the time they agreed upon. My wife was ready to tell her own sister that she would never again babysit for her. However, I had a bit of a countermeasure brewing inside my brain. So I told my wife to wait and give it one more chance because the next time I would make them seriously regret doing it.
Just a few days later we got another request to watch their kids. We agreed. My wife and I were both adamant as to what time they must be back to pick up their kids. We even told them they would regret it if they didn't show up in time. They didn't like it at all. They tried to explain that they were attending some type of church event and they would have to leave earlier than they wanted to leave. They even tried to convince us it would be sinful of us to not allow them to stay for the whole event because they were doing something for god. Any other time a statement like that would have been cause for me to throw them all out of the house immediately telling them to find another babysitter. That wouldn't have allowed me to carry out my plan though. So instead I just said, "Then god should have known that and supplied a different babysitter." They finally told us they agreed to our terms. Though I knew they had no intention to actually follow through.
Nick and Kristy love playing with our dog since their parents won't let them have one. Not too long after they showed up both kids were on their hands and knees playing with the dog. I was counting on it. I snapped a picture of both of them in that exact position. I immediately took the picture and uploaded it to the computer and with a little bit of Photoshop, Nick and Krista were not on the floor playing with the dogs, instead they were both on their hands and knees locked into dog kennels. The pictures were ready if I had to use them, and I was pretty sure I would. My wife even asked if I would print separate pictures of the kids, the kennel, and the Photoshopped image out onto a single sheet of paper. I wasn't sure why she wanted it, but I obliged.
Of course the agreed upon time came and went without so much as a phone call from the fundy-in-laws. I'm sure in their mind attending a church event was a righteous and godly thing so it was OK to break their promise to us. Just to be nice we tried to call them. We got the result we expected. They didn't answer their phone. They ignored our calls. That is what they had done both the other times. Sporting a huge smile I set my plan into action. I took the Photoshopped picture and transferred it back to my phone. I sent a text to both John and Jane. It said: 'Had to go. Key under mat in back. Kids can't get into any trouble.' I attached the kids in the kennel picture and hit send.
Within 15 seconds both my wife and I were receiving phone calls from John and Jane. We followed their example and ignored their calls. We got text messages from both threatening to call the police. I wasn't really worried about it. I had all the original pictures to prove there were actually no children locked into kennels.
A few minutes later we heard a car come to a screeching stop in front of our house. Within moments the back door was open and John and Jane both came running into our house as fast as they possibly could. When they saw their kids playing a game on the Wii and not locked into dog kennels they realized we had played them like puppets.
It was obvious that both John and Jane were really pissed and wanted to say something. I could have sworn I saw steam coming from their ears. But both knew they had no legitimate argument. They had broken their promise to us and we had called them out on it. My wife however did have something to say. She stood up and handed Jane the paper with the three pictures. In a very calm voice my wife said, "I want you to keep this picture as a reminder. A reminder of the last time I will ever babysit for you because I won't allow you to use my kindness to take advantage of us anymore. Now, take your kids and leave my house."
At that moment I'm sure the Cheshire cat would have been extremely jealous of the huge smile on my face. I couldn't have been more proud of my wife at that moment. Nor could I have been any more thrilled to see the look of complete and utter defeat present in John and Janes' expressions and body language.
That has been over two years ago and we have kept our word. We have not babysit for them again. They won't even ask us unless they are completely desperate. As a matter of fact Jane was so desperate a few weeks back she called me and asked if I would watch her kids. Asking me specifically is a very rare event indeed. What did I say? I barked twice and hung up.
I loved those stories!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis was F*IN HILARIOUS
ReplyDeleteLove the evolution story!
ReplyDeleteThey must really think that my non-belief entitles them to completely ignore and disregard my rules in my home.
That is precisely what they think. They're God's chosen; it's entirely about them. It's a belief system that attracts the most narcissistic, yet at the same time the most broken personalities in our culture.
My purpose was not to convert their son.
Why not? And why don't these people just spring for a baby sitter instead of exposing their kids to you hell-bound heathens, then fuming about it afterward? Is it because they know that neither their friends nor any professional babysitter would put up with their nonsense?
And how freaking stupid does one have to be to think you'd actually put the kids in dog crates? You're much better off without these people, although I'm sure the kids would benefit from knowing you. My suggestion - go back to babysitting, then take them to museums, watch documentaries with them, etc. Expose them to as much of the wider reality as you can. When the parents find out, they won't ask you to babysit any more, but the kids will have had some exposure to objective reality, and perhaps you'll have planted the seeds of their eventual awakening. It has the potential to be a win-win.
"I barked twice and hung up."
ReplyDeleteAnd I just spewed coffee all over the place. I absolutely love your sense of humor and the way you and your wife are dealing with your fundy-fiend in-laws. As the commercial says, "Priceless!"
Thank you for sharing these stories with us. I'll be chuckling all day.
BP
My suggestion - go back to babysitting, then take them to museums, watch documentaries with them, etc. Expose them to as much of the wider reality as you can .... you'll have planted the seeds of their eventual awakening. It has the potential to be a win-win.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea. Although I understand and admire exfundy's countermeasures, I did find myself feeling sorry for the kids. With parents like John and Jane, those poor kids don't have much of a chance.
Agreed. I've come to a point at which I don't think they should be allowed to have children.
ReplyDeleteNo argument from me on that subject.
ReplyDeleteROFL! That was too good. The first one sounds like something I would have done. I agree, those were priceless.
ReplyDeleteThere is a part of me that would like to convert their son and others. However, because of my fundy past there is a big part of me that has an aversion to the idea of trying to convert anyone. Especially a kid. I find the fundy mindset of conversion repulsive.
ReplyDeleteMaybe that will change in the future. I must confess that I really love your ideas though. I would love to take them to museums and such. It is something to think about for when they are a little older and could understand what they are seeing and hearing.
exfundy,
ReplyDeleteClassic stories! Thanks for posting those. The dog kennel photo belongs in the prankster hall of fame.
I'm just glad that I started a slow change a couple of years before I had my first daughter. I could have been very much like my in-laws. Thankfully I had started to change enough that even though I was still somewhat of a fundy I was apprehensive to be the way they are.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note: Glad you like the stories. Maybe more to come at a later date.
Thanks. They were very fun to do and definitely priceless for me.
ReplyDeleteGlad they are being enjoyed. I will admit that the dog kennel story really gave me quite a smug sense of satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I hope to someday log on here and find I have inspired others to come up with their own countermeasures.
ReplyDeleteWanted to add that I too found it very telling that they were willing to believe that I would put their kids in a dog kennel. Which, of course I would never do. I think the fact they not only believed it, but believed it so quickly and easily says something about them. What it says is kinda scary to me.
ReplyDeleteWell, of course - you're a God-cursed non-believer! Who knows what you'd do to their kids? They're probably surprised you haven't eaten them!
ReplyDeleteIt also leads to the question - why, when they have so little regard for you, are they so eager to have you babysit? Are they that unwilling to spend a few bucks on a sitter, or do they care so little about the kids' welfare? You may want to ask them.
I have kind of figured them out on that. My in-laws are so obsessed with portraying the perfect little 'christian family' that they had kids when they really didn't want them. That means they are willing to let nearly anyone babysit them just to get time away from them. It's a very sad thing to realize how many christians have kids for no other reason than it is what they think they are supposed to do.
ReplyDeleteI believe they love their kids, but they most definitely view them as weights around their necks.
In that case, any time you can give them is a gift, and if you can show them there's more to reality than "Goddidit", so much the better.
ReplyDeleteexfundy -
ReplyDeletePriceless!
It reminded me of my fundy mother. She was babysitting for a friend's grandson one week (while they had to be out of town). This was back in the 1970s and men's hair styles were longer. Of course in the church world long hair meant 'sin' so mom took the poor kid to the barber shop and had the barber give him a good ol' 'christian cut'.
My mom and her friend almost broke their friendship over that one! My mom has real 'balls' when it comes to pleasing god (really pleasing her).
Thanks for the laughs!
XPD
I like that thought process. I really do think when they get older that would be a great idea.
ReplyDeleteI like that story. Just another example of how christians use delusional logic. They can do anything they want to do as long as they claim they are doing it for 'christian' reasons.
ReplyDeleteExfundy, great stories. Thanks for posting them. Oh, and yes, more stories! More stories!
ReplyDeleteWhen I get a chance to write more I will submit them. Just happy they are being enjoyed. It seemed a shame that up until now my wife and I were the only ones that got to know about them.
ReplyDeleteI would not consider exposure to other ideas the same as actively seeking conversion. Aside from that, great stories, Thanks!
ReplyDelete--Brent
Those stories made my day! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYour welcome. Always thrilled to hear I made someone's day a little better.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the great stories. As to why fundies would take advantage (as my brother's family has done for years)-- they really believe that any resource, including your kindness, is a gift from god, and one to be used, mined, depleted, just like our dominion over the animals and the earth. Also, christians are "categorically incapable" of being anything less than loving-- right? So anything they do is A-OK.
ReplyDeleteFantastic stories exfundy, I'm a long time lurker but this post deserved a comment. I've found myself in a similar situation with in-laws before. Except I don't need to come up with elaborate plans like yours. Simply saying the right thing is enough to set them off (logical arguments mostly, we know how Christians feel about those) if she can't come up with a retort. Unfortunately she tends to take out that anger on her kids. It always makes me happy to see someone defending themselves, well done.
ReplyDelete" It's a belief system that attracts the most narcissistic, yet at the same time the most broken personalities in our culture."
ReplyDeleteWell said.
" It's a belief system that attracts the most narcissistic, yet at the same time the most broken personalities in our culture."
ReplyDeleteWell said.
A 'christian cut'. Ha! Too funny. I remember those days well. Down to the barber to get scalped in time for Sunday services. Have to keep up appearances.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely magnificent exfundy!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of your ingenuity, George Hayduke (author of: The Complete Book of Dirty Tricks, Don't Get Mad, Get Even, and other related titles) has nothing on you. I loved your previous tale of putting TBS on password protection on your tv's remote control. You have unique talents and creativity, please keep these stories coming.
No, you cannot actively impose atheism on others. It is something they have to come to themselves. To do so would be just as harmful, if not more harmful, depending on the person's psychic, then forcing people to become Xian, Muslim, or any other religion.
ReplyDeleteA good example of possibly being more harmful is an elderly or sick person about to die and they truly believe there is an afterlife. Whatever their concept of an afterlife maybe, could be giving them comfort in their last days. To take that away from them might be very disturbing to them and set them mentally off balance in their dying days.
As Picard said in TNG's "Up the Long Ladder" to Riker inquired in response to Picard's laughter, "Of all the reactions that's not the one I expected."
PICARD; "Number One, there are times in life when you have to simply bow to the absurd."
By the same token, bringing backwards, superstitious, and primitive thinking to modern times takes an awful LOT of tack in order to avoid BIG problems.
Why do I relate this particular episode, in particularly the Bringloidi, to Xian thinking? Many Xians are primitive in thought and sometimes in their ways, as well as and esp. absurd.
These are great:) Thanks so much. Do you have any more of these? Please post them on my blog! That goes for everyone else, too. LOL.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have a double standard here. Screw it; it's funny.
The first story is even better bc it directly sabotages the in-laws' religion.
You're welcome and I bet they were. The thing that bugged me about her was that she was not only keeping her son from factual knowledge, but her verbally abusive manner she started to take with her son. However, I've seen this behaviour a lot, esp with Fundie parents.
ReplyDeleteThey were definitely fun to do. I would have no problem with these being used on your blog as long as it's ok with those running this site. Can you provide us with a link to your blog?
ReplyDeleteI haven't read Hayduke. Sounds like someone I would enjoy. There are a few more I will post as I get them written up.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately you are very right about that type of things with fundy parents. The part of this that makes it worse with this woman goes to the fact that she views her kids as an imposition as opposed to a honor and privilege. As I said in another comment, she only had kids because it was expected of her as good little christian wife.
ReplyDeleteYou stole my screen name... Great post though, hilarious!
ReplyDeleteI don't see it as "converting." I see it as "liberating."
ReplyDeleteYeah. After signing up I noticed that it seems everyone else spells fundy with an ie instead of y. Glad you enjoyed the post though.
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree with that statement. I just don't want to be like them.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a vast difference from the Episcopal view. Their view is that children are a precious gift from God. I would prefer that view over many a Fundie's view of children.
ReplyDeleteexfundy..Thanks for the g*r*e*a*t stories ! ! Wish I had the guts to pull one of those on my husband's sister ( who by the way, not only is a brainwashed fundy, but she's truly certified too.........gee, aren't they all to one degree or another ? ? ) ha !
ReplyDeleteMake no mistake. She would tell you her children are a gift from god. She has probably deluded herself into really believing she means it. Most of the fundy's I have run across in my life aren't nearly as bad as her.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about the certifiable part it's scary. Who knows maybe someday I'll post some stories about some of the things these people have done all on their own. Most of them aren't funny, they are infuriating. They do however provide a very morbid insight into the way the mind of a truly fanatical fundy can work. It's frightening.
ReplyDelete*strong sarcasm* And that is how you treat a gift from God? I feel sorry for that poor kid. Gee, IF I were God, I'd take that gift and give it to someone who would appreciate it more. You just don't treat a gift like that. You show for more appreciation for it.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to those poor kids.
ReplyDeleteMine too. I guess that's another reason I should consider taking ciphers' advice and trying to open up a few other possibilities for them when they are old enough to understand them.
ReplyDelete"Nick, that is a lie straight from the pits of hell. God made everything. That wasn't on the channel I told you to watch. Why didn't you watch the station I told you to watch?"
ReplyDeleteI really didn't realize that people like that existed, I thought they were only in American movies!
Here in Australia I've never heard of people like that and hope that I never get to meet any!
Love the stories. Well done!
Child abuse, most definitely. It must surely be illegal to mess with people's brains like that?
ReplyDeleteWell if your in-laws where alcoholics or crack-heads, I suppose you would try to do something to help the kids.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us would put extreme bible fundamentalists into similar category of "mentally disconnected from reality" so no harm in helping out a little here and there if you can.
As many of us x-xtians know, it was really just a few courageous people that dared to open our eyes long enough to get us moving in the right direction. (Although in my case I'm embarrassed to say it took decades for it to all come together). I actually got to enjoy a personal conversation with The Amazing Randi one evening. He didn't bother trying to convert me to atheism, rather he simple engaged my mind into seeing how men create illusions by redirecting another's mind.
I didn't reject the Dark Empire's Bible 'til many years later , but that one conversation did have a very important effect on my ability to even consider thinking outside the bars of Bible prison.
So good for you exfundy. That one TV show, or maybe the clips of the Hubble Telescope on youtube or something that is not directly confrontational may give them the key to step out of the Bible-cage their parents want to keep them locked in.
As one of my sisters was descending into extreme biblical fundamentalism, I gave her kids a big box of magic tricks, with the secret agenda of hoping the children would learn the art of misdirection so they might one day see how it is used on them.
Obviously mine does too or I would not have made the remarks I did.
ReplyDeletebarb....some of the rudest, most haughty & superior acting people I've ever known have been "good" christians. If you aren't on the same page as them, and don't praise The Lard every 5 minutes ( "thank-you Jeebus for finding this parking spot", "thank-you Jeebus for helping me find this long-lost sock.."..etc. then you are beneath contempt in their eyes.
ReplyDeleteTell me about it. Their behaviours are not only rude, haughty, and superior, but deplorable.
ReplyDeleteThey're all over the place in the U.S., esp in the Cotton Pickin' Bible Belt.
ReplyDeleteI hope it does help. I hope someday I can do more.
ReplyDeleteI wish those type weren't so common in this area. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most beautiful testimony I have ever read!
ReplyDeletebarb, You are so right!
ReplyDeleteRemember Jim & Tammy Bakker and the original PTL Club?
I remember the day that Jim came on the live T.V. broadcast (1980s) and praised God for the 'Special Blessing' that he had received that afternoon. Later, we discovered Jim was referring to his afternoon with Jessica Hahn, his 18 year old office worker (and virgin at the time) that he had drugged and raped that day.
He was so warped that he actually believed it was a gift from God!
"Oh, thank you Lord for allowing me to experience what you did with virgin Mary. You know Tammy is old and worn out; besides she looks like a clown! Praise Jesus!"
Your point is well taken!
XPD
You know, it is a shame so many Xians associate sex with the Virgin Mary, pumping out babies, and alike. There is more than that to sex- love, passion, compassion, even a "spiritual" experience between two people all rolled up in one. However, such ideas many Xians find distasteful and sinful. They seem to prefer violence over loving acts- be they loving acts of kinds, love between friends, or loving acts between two people who love each other. They seem to even miss the mark on "agape" love, they don't know what family love is or that is it is corrupt and twisted, and they are so repressed sexually that it is not funny.
ReplyDeleteA M E N ! ! : )
ReplyDelete(stops giggling long enough to find the keyboard) Exfundy, that was great. Fun and educational!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! These would be great funny ha-ha stories. . unfortunately, they're true :(
ReplyDeletePoor kids. Their mother reminds me of mine.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant ideas! Great ways to get back at deceitful acquaintances! Both stories made me grin and chuckle.
ReplyDeleteswabby
I would love to see more and more people take this type of approach to dealing with the fundies in their own life.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. It does however give me hope that her kids will some day be able to break free from the crap they will learn growing up.
ReplyDeleteI think someday I will get a chance to help him.
ReplyDeleteThanks. As I have said more than once. I not only want people to enjoy these stories but be inspired by them.
ReplyDeleteI hope it has been.
ReplyDeletesounds like something my father in law would do.
ReplyDeletebut for me I am far to laid back and would need prompting from my wife if they decided to leave their kids over indefinitly.
Offering differing viewpoints is not what they do, but what you could do to help the kids.
ReplyDeleteI WANT MORE!
ReplyDeleteYou sir, are brilliant.
Thank you very much. I'm not sure I have ever been called brilliant before. Feels a little weird. But I just might like it. I will have more at some point.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely hope someday these stories are where those two kids testimony starts.
ReplyDeleteGlad you replied. I tried the logical argument approach a time or two. They are too clueless to realize their counterarguments don't hold water.
ReplyDeletejust come to the south. there's plenty
ReplyDeleteyou need to babysit again (even though you swore you wouldnt) we need another funny story! maybe this time you could arrange for some non believing friends to come over while the kiddies are a visitin. you could have an anti-bible study. holy cow, what a show that would be!
ReplyDeleteTell me about it! And all of them are INSANE!
ReplyDeleteDon't think I'll bother, thanks!
ReplyDeleteWe had so many laughs reading your stories over dinner...well done, friend...well done! It's all too familiar.
ReplyDeleteThis site is a complete and pic WIN. :D
ReplyDeleteGlad to provide laughs
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read example #2 to my fundy husband, I was laughing so hard I actually started snorting ! He too found this unbelievably funny, and couldnt help laughing at the ingeniousness of your plan.
I too have observed the casual attitude some fundies have with the commitments they make with actual people. It seems that whatever "God" wants them to do, trumps everything else, even common respect and courtesy for others.
Kudos to you and your wife for taking a clear stand against this nonsense and maintaining your personal boundaries. I loved the caveat of you barking into the phone when she asked one too many times for you to babysit again.
Sharon
I assume most christians never wonder how these things affect their witness to those around them. But you are absolutely right. Their actions tell those around them that serving God requires them to be a!*holes to those around them.
ReplyDeleteWould love to do that someday.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a very mature human being.
ReplyDeleteYou Creep Me Out aka Alan,
ReplyDeletePlease read this, take a couple of chill pills, and leave us alone.
*laughing too hard to come up with anything witty*
ReplyDeleteExPenty,
ReplyDeleteI laughed as much this time as I did when you first posted this article. Didn't you write a couple with the same basic theme? Absolutely hilarious!
Would love to do that someday.
ReplyDeleteI assume most christians never wonder how these things affect their witness to those around them. But you are absolutely right. Their actions tell those around them that serving God requires them to be a!*holes to everyone else.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read example #2 to my fundy husband, I was laughing so hard I actually started snorting ! He too found this unbelievably funny, and couldnt help laughing at the ingeniousness of your plan.
I too have observed the casual attitude some fundies have with the commitments they make with actual people. It seems that whatever "God" wants them to do, trumps everything else, even common respect and courtesy for others.
Kudos to you and your wife for taking a clear stand against this nonsense and maintaining your personal boundaries. I loved the caveat of you barking into the phone when she asked one too many times for you to babysit again.
Sharon
You know, it is a shame so many Xians associate sex with the Virgin Mary, pumping out babies, and alike. There is more than that to sex- love, passion, compassion, even a "spiritual" experience between two people all rolled up in one. However, such ideas many Xians find distasteful and sinful. They seem to prefer violence over loving acts- be they loving acts of kinds, love between friends, or loving acts between two people who love each other. They seem to even miss the mark on "agape" love, they don't know what family love is or that is it is corrupt and twisted, and they are so repressed sexually that it is not funny.
ReplyDeleteGlad to provide laughs
ReplyDeleteDon't think I'll bother, thanks!
ReplyDeleteWe had so many laughs reading your stories over dinner...well done, friend...well done! It's all too familiar.
ReplyDeleteThis site is a complete and epic WIN. :D
ReplyDeleteTell me about it! And all of them are INSANE!
ReplyDelete