WHAT I ALWAYS HATED ABOUT CHRISTMAS

Image by garlandcannon via FlickrBy XpastorDan

I just got up and looked out at a very WHITE Xmas morning (up here in the Northwest we are having a very rare "snowed-in" experience). My wife and I are alone on Dec. 25 for the first time in our lives, and we're loving it! I'm on my favorite web site and she is upstairs cooking (great smells wafting down).

I got to thinking about what I loved about Christmas and then my mind drifted back to all of those years growing up as a Fundie. Here are some things that I HATED about Christmas:

1. The Christmas Program at Church. I HATED, DESPISED, FEARED, LOATHED IT!!! We always had to put on a F@#king 'program' for parents and visitors. I always seemed to get the longest "piece" to learn. It was some stupid poem or saying, laced with scripture and was interwoven into the entire show. I had to practice for weeks to get it memorized, so Jesus would be proud of me! Cock-Su@#ing Christ, I can't describe how I despised this. I shook with fear as it got closer to my time in the spotlight. Sometimes my dad would come (if my mom pressed him hard enough) and this was my chance to get some Gospel into him. Mom dressed me up in a suit and tie, and off to a day of torture. Year after mother fu@king year!
God forbid if Christmas day fell on Sunday. Nothing changed. Church came first. No talk of Santa Clause at church. We were there to celebrate "the real reason" for the season. We all knew that Jesus was born on Dec. 25, in Bethlehem, with Snow on the ground; wise men and shepherds in attendance, and a giant star hanging over a stable. Some years at the "Program" we would re-create this very scene. Oh how I hated that bloody, 'Program'!!!


2. Not being allowed to 'rip' the paper from the presents. My mom was raised during the depression, and we had to save and re-use all of the wrapping paper and ribbon. We had to use our little fingers to pick that stupid scotch tape and remove it slooooooowly so it wouldn't pull a hole in the paper. Then the other side; then the bow or ribbon.
My wife and I were both raised this way. When we had kids, we told them "Rip it off, Rip it off", and we would all laugh and feel a little guilty about being so "Wasteful"!
Now, we are big fans of the present BAG. You don't have to spend hours wrapping and I must admit, we "re-use". I guess we are appeasing our old guilty consciences.

3. Not being allowed to let my children believe in Santa Clause. When they were all very young, I was in the ministry. Although I didn't really have a problem with them believing in Santa, the Senior Pastor (and my boss) did have a problem with it. He felt it his personal, moral and Christian duty to inform every child that Santa was not real and along with Christmas Trees, Yule Logs, Elves and Flying Raindeer; were all 'Pagan' icons to be shunned! The look on my 6 year old son's face, when Pastor A$$hole announced from the pulpit "Santa is not Real", still breaks my heart. And the whole time we were telling the children of Noah's Ark, Charriots of Fire, Talking Snakes and Donkeys, Walking on water, Coming back to life, bread falling from the sky, etc, etc.!!!! Why couldn't Santa be real? Fuc#ers!

4. Not being allowed to go to the theatre to see the Christmas Movies. I never went to a movie until I was 19, and even then it was "The Cross and the Swithblade". A Christian movie about Nicky Cruz, written by a New York street evangelist of the 50's & 60's, named David Wilkerson. My brother was working for Teen Challenge (Wilkerson's organization) at the time and he took me, during a visit. I never told my mother, she would have freaked out! Movie houses were places of SIN, where the devil did his dirty work! I missed out on Bambi, Ol' Yeller, Fantasia, etc. If it was shown at the movies, it was declared evil in our house.
My wife and I always go to a movie on Christmas day, just to spite the stupidity of our pasts. We will be heading out soon to go to our local 'House O Sin' to hold hands, eat popcorn and watch "Four Christmas's" (how sinful!!!) I may be tempted to Kiss her!

5. I never went to a Christmas Dance or Party at school. Like Theatres, dances were EVIL. The lust of the flesh was rampant at dances! The only parties that I attended during my school days, were church parties. We would get all dressed up and meet at a banquet hall to eat and then........nothing. No live band, no dancing. At best someone (usually me) would sing a gospel song as entertainment. Then a talk by the youth pastor (which turned into a sermon, WTF! we have church tomorrow with at least 2 more sermons!!!). On the way home, we would find a place to park and then the real 'Lust of the Flesh' would take place. What mom seemed to not understand was, we didn't need a dark theatre or sexual writhings on a dance floor. All we needed was a license to drive and a dark place to park!!! We would have been better off in the theatre or at a dance where others were watching. Boy! a lot of sin took place in those parked cars. Oh well, I always had the next day at church to Repent!

I guess that is enough of the bad memories. Back to a beautiful day with my sweetie, and later, off to the theatre.

Lots of Love to all & happy holidays,

XpastorDan

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