You're Kidding Me... Right?

by Astreja

It invariably comes as a bit of a shock to our Christian visitors when their words of wisdom are accorded a less-than-civil reception.

Sometimes a zealous teenager swings by to warn us that we'd better straighten up and fly right, lest we be seized by demons and dragged off to an eternal all-expenses-paid vacation in a Very Hot Place.

Or we're set upon by a gushy but seemingly well-meaning woman who assures us that we just practiced the wrong *version* of Christianity, and please keep looking for the True Church™ (Oh, and by the way, it's a ree-lay-shun-ship, not a religion).

Another fairly common theme is the man who sees "miracles" in everything, and honestly believes that his unverifiable personal testimony is sufficient to convince total strangers over the Internet.

And then there are folks who:
  • Think that wars, earthquakes and other common calamities are proof of "End Times";
  • Can't or won't imagine a non-supernatural explanation for Life, the Universe and Everything;
  • Classify all non-believers with a handful of the many 20th Century tyrants but distance themselves from the likes of Constantine, Torquemada, various not-so-Innocent popes, Charlemagne, Olaf Tryggvason, Columbus, the Puritans, Cromwell, Catherine de Medici, John Calvin, Richard the Lion-Hearted... Pinochet, Franco, Charles Taylor, Jim Jones... and the countless co-religionists who enabled their barbarism;
  • Don't know what the word "theory" actually means in a scientific context, but insist that an ancient book contains The Truth;
  • Insist that the spilling of one particular individual's blood somehow "purifies" people, but only if those people agree that the spilt blood is a wonderful gift that they don't actually deserve;
  • Or are obsessed with bananas.
Okay, listen up, all of you.

We. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Like. You.

You are not the droids we're looking for. You are not exhibiting traits that we want to emulate. Rather, you personify many damaging behaviours and beliefs that we've already discarded.

We are EX-Christians. Any faith we may have once possessed is not merely tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk... It is bereft of life, and pushing up the daisies. Yea verily, what part of "EX" dost thou not understand?

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