You Call Yourself a Christian, But...

By newly not

Here is my tribute to those who are Christian by name only:

You call yourself a Christian, but you *still* haven't read the Bible all the way through, even though you usually have the 'Fifteen Minutes a Day' it takes. You're conveniently avoiding the numerous vile Scriptures we atheists like to throw at you.

You call yourself a Christian, but you adhere to "selective morality" when it comes to obeying what The Word teaches. Don't you love God enough to do what He says? A good page for many examples of this is:

You call yourself a Christian, but you get in slumps where you only pray to "God" when you need something, or things are going bad.

You call yourself a Christian, but do any number of the following in relation to church:

* You're secretly happy when circumstances prevent you from going

* You sometimes can't help tuning out the sermon (because it's so "damn" boring)

* You often feel embarrassed by your fellow arms-in-the-air/crying zealots

* You get annoyed when you're requested to stand (you were obliged to get up early on a weekend; who can blame you?)

* You act like the offering plate is a hot potato when it's passed to you

* You have closed your eyes or slept during it

* You don't go at all (except on Easter and Christmas, of course!)

You call yourself a Christian, therefore you believe God will always provide, so why do you sometimes jip God of his tithe because you feel you've wasted money on something that month?

You call yourself a Christian, but you like watching Desperate Housewives just as much as the next guy.

You call yourself a Christian, but you "witness" to other people about as often as you tell them your blood type (or you're in the other extreme and all sense of being "Christ-like" goes out the window when you do).

You call yourself a Christian, therefore are against abortion by default, but what about the millions of half-children you're killing every time you whack off (to porn?).

You call yourself a Christian, so why is it that various sources say that your faith has the highest divorce rate, while atheists have the lowest of all? Ironic, don't you think?

You call yourself a Christian, so why do you give much thought to death at all? Christians don't really "die" after all, right?

I call you a hypocrite.

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Anonymous said...

Now this is a posting!!
All solid points except for the comment about porn and abortion. A better point would be to say that you call yourself a Chistian, and are against abortion, but when was the last time you gave money or time to crisis pregnacy centres.
Most xians are better at opposing abortion than doing anything to deal with factors that make it a choice that some people feel forced to make.

Anonymous said...

Great post.

I will add one of my own.

You call yourself a Christian and never have the highly advertised "Quiet time with the lord." You think you can make up for it by listening to Christian music in the car, even though most times you aren't even paying attention.

Anonymous said...

You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike the atheist you know you are not perfect and have a responsibility to something besides yourself.

Anonymous said...

You call yourself a christian, but revel in the idea of eternal torment for those that disagree with your belief system.

You call yourself a christian but find it acceptable that the people you love so much may be sent to eternal torment because they said or thought something contrary to your beliefs.

Audie said...

I don't know, but maybe these things don't reallyn work afterall...

I was a xian for almost 30 years. I had completely read though the bible (first time) by age 13. I would spend 30 min to an hour every morning in "quiet time" with prayer and bible study. I tithed more than 10%, I prayed, fasted, witnessed (even door to door sometimes).

I did all the right stuff, and look how I turned out. Oh well.

ComputerGuyCJ said...

You call yourself a Christian, but have an idea that some sins are worse than others. Distorting the truth can be justified if it results in a "win" for God, but being gay is undoubtedly an offense worthy of death and eternal fire.

Anonymous said...

Ray - I put porn with a question mark because I wasn't implying that a lot of Christian men do it (masturbating, on the other hand... ;-), but for the ones who do, it is extremely hypocritical.

As for the half-children thing, it was mostly for laughs that I included that one. Although it does have some truth to it, because many Christians believe "every sperm is sacred" and that women shouldn't even take birth control.

Blair - You said, "Unlike the atheist, you know you are not perfect..." - that made me chuckle if that's really what you meant to say!

Rick - I was thinking how I could include something on hell. Well done!

computerguycj - I have witnessed quite a few people's reactions in conversations on being gay, and they all got *so* offended and angry and like they were going to beat the shit out of the person if they didn't shut up about it. Their taking offense offends me.

Anonymous said...

You call yourself a christian when your seen Saturday at a local club drinking, flirting, and leaving with a younger man and then you show up to church on Sunday with your husband and kids.

Anonymous said...

You call yourself Christian, but . . . you don't REALLY believe it.

freethinker05 said...

You call yourself christian,but can't accept all other god beliefs,not even the 30,000 plus religious flavors of christ.

Anonymous said...

You call yourselves 'enlightened,' yet you seem to ignore the fact that though Christians follow Christ, they're still human. Therefore, imperfect. As you are.

I am a Christian, by the way. I came here simply out of curiosity and I see my mistake.

boomSLANG said...

I am a Christian, by the way. I came here simply out of curiosity and I see my mistake.

It's okay, you've made me.

webmdave said...

"They're imperfect, as you are."

You call yourself a Christian, but you are always ready to point a rebuking finger at others.

Anonymous said...

You claim to be intelligent and rational, yet you lie and invent strawmen and falsely imply that atheists think they're perfect when all atheism really means is a lack of belief in a god.

TheJaytheist said...

Blair said...
You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike the atheist you know you are not perfect and have a responsibility to something besides yourself.

Oh please! I have yet to read anything here that gives an impression that atheists think that they are perfect. And as human we all have a responsibility to something other than ourselves. We have a responsibility to other humans as well. If you claim to have a responsibility to the bible god then you are supposed to hate your life and your own family.(Luke 14:26) Also stone a few of the imperfect humans for their imperfections. Have you ever done these things?


Anonymous said...

Site your source on the divorce rate comment?

Anonymous said...

You call yourself a christian but you do all the stuff listed above! Thank God for his grace and mercy for having no condemnation on us only showing us all mercy for falling short of perfection. We are seen forgiven! Thank God because I do some of that stuff but you know what if I don't have my "Quiet Time" I dont condem myself, I ask god to give me thta desire again and he does! Seems like alot of bitterness has taken hold! Pray for God to release you from that and break the bondage of sin in your life!

boomSLANG said...

Attention all annonies:

If when you say "sin", you mean, wrong-doing in the eyes of the Christian biblegod; if you mean that there is a universal objective code of laws for all of mankind; if you mean that "right" and "wrong" are "Divinely inspired".... then y'know what? are officially iN-f%cking-sAne. Either that, or you've never actually set eyes on the pages of your holy hand-book.

If the later, do us a favor before you spout-off about "sin" in the future, m' kay?.....READ YOUR F%CKING BIBLE. Yes, according to the stone "slate" that Yahweh so cleverly carved out for Moses(I'm guessing God used "His" trusty hammer and chisel?), it is CLEARLY a "sin" to work on the Sabbath. Yet, I wonder how many Annonies have ever purchased something, anything at all, on a Sunday? If you have, then you are enabling "sinners", and I'm pretty sure your biblebgod would frown on that, wouldn't he? In fact, you might even want to consider stoning the living shit out of people who work on "the Sabbath". It seems that this approach would gratify your "God" the most.

Furthermore, if we are to believe that "morality" comes from Mr. Biblegod, then why the f%ck is it that Christians religiously fall on opposite sides of the fence concerning such issues as capital punishment, abortion, war, women's rights, homosexual's rights....and on and on and on, add nauseam?

Got answers? Let's hear 'em. Otherwise, shut the f%ck about "sin". Thanks.

TheJaytheist said...

Too many anonymice to tell them apart.

Anonymous said...

I think the Annoynymous poster that brought up the point that, 'even though Christians follow Christ, they are still human, thus they are imperfect' point is, quite frankly, missing the point.

The Bible states that Christians are perfect beings, that by becoming Christians, they are perfect.

So while it is common sense that no one, regardless of what they believe, is perfect, the Bible states otherwise. either the Bible is wrong about Christians, and thusly the Bible itself is wrong, or you are not a Christian, because you do not match the description in the Bible and the Bible is always right. The position of 'not perfect - just forgiven' is one that is not Biblically supported, and I suppose if you're a liberal Christian you're oay with ignoring that, but this annoynymous doesn't sound like a liberal Christian - just an annoying one.

Hellbound Alleee said...

I think the time is now to retire any idea that being a Christian has anything whatsoever to do with moral behavior.

Remember: morality is about consciously making choices, NOT BLINDLY OBEYING. If anyone truly behaved as a Christian ( or, rather, a Jew, if you're reading along) is "supposed to," based on scripture and the teachings of the early church, I don't want him anywhere near me. 10 Points to anyone who knows how many times Deuteronomy commands Jews to stone unbelievers.

To behave like a christian means very little to me, unless it's stoning people to death.

Joe B said...

Of course Christians are more moral. Isn't it more moral to feel like crap about sinning than to feel good about it? Isn't it more moral to never have sex, or if you're not strong enough, to have sex with only one person in your entire life, and never ever think about the sexual attractiveness of another person? Isn't it more moral to give 10% of your gross income (or is that net? or was it disposable? whatever) to the organization that brainwashed you?

Of course it is. You call yourself a Christian, but your invisible god is always on the verge of vanishing entirely. Behaving oddly and in contravention of logic, and limiting your associations to your co-sycophants is the only grip you have on him.

Anonymous said...

" Site your source on the divorce rate comment?"

This page is worth checking out. I've heard various conflicting things regarding religion and divorce, but this article is non-biased, and seems quite clear.

mothpete said...

I gotta collate this into one blog unless someone protests

webmdave said...

M&R: Please do.

UnBlinded said...

You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike Atheists, you know you have no right to judge anyone.

Matthew 7:1-2
1 "Stop judging, that you may not be judged.
2 For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you.

Anonymous said...

"You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike Atheists, you know you have no right to judge anyone."

Sounds pretty damn judgemental against atheists. (Not trying to be judgemental here; it's just that we all know a HYPOCRIT when we see one.)

TheJaytheist said...

UnBlinded said...
You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike Atheists, you know you have no right to judge anyone.

Is that why there are so many pedophiles and crooks in the chuches these days?

UnBlinded said...

I'm basing my statement on this thread. It's all about Atheists that are judging Christians. So if you prefer, let's change it to:
"You call yourself a Christian, but...unlike Newly Not, Rick, Thackerie,etc..., you know you have no right to judge anyone."

Stronger Now,
You're judging again. Why do wish to condemn the Church for it's individuals? Being Christian starts from the inside, we endeavor to judge ourselves against God's word. And by the way, although there's no way for us to know, don't you know that these Christians may be in a state of mortal sin? Their judgement will come, unless they repent and truly heal, they risk much.

I think we should all worry more about our own sins.

webmdave said...

Marc, you're ridiculous.

I judge you a troll.

And guess what, I am free to make that and any other judgement. You are the one that believes you are buried under a ton of magical rules given by an un-dead flying god-man that never existed. Go cast your imaginary mystical spells of non-judgement on someone else.

Go away!

Jim Arvo said...

UnboundedArrogance said "I think we should all worry more about our own sins."

I have a better idea. Why don't we worry about reaching well-founded conclusions based on credible evidence? That requires thinking about why we believe what we believe, not simply repeating what it is that we believe ad nauseam. But that doesn't appeal to you, does it Marc? You have no intention of ever questioning what you believe, do you?

UnBlinded said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TheJaytheist said...

unblinded said...
"Stronger Now,
You're judging again"

Tuff. I do as I see fit. I call it like I see it. If your imaginary friend has a problem with that he should have said it to my face.

People make judgements of others every day. They should, it helps keep people in a critical state of mind. It's a good survival skill.

To do otherwise is stupid.

webmdave said...

Unblinded: This is not YOUR website.

LEAVE. You are an obnoxious bore.


This is not a request. This is an order.

GET OUT!!!!!!!

Astreja said...

Marc, get a grip. There is no such thing as "mortal sin", mainly because "sin" is merely a religious construct. It adds bogus supernatural elements to simple human bad behaviour, making it possible for a believer to play the "I couldn't help it, I'm a sinner" card (or, far worse, "The Bad Guy made me do it").

What this world needs, right here and right now, is less religious rationalization blather and more people prepared to pass judgement on bad behaviour... Their own, and others.

You asked Stronger Now, "Why do you wish to condemn the Church for its individuals?"

News flash: "The Church" *is* the individuals that comprise it. You're every bit as much "The Church" as Ratzinger, like it or not. By your support you give it life.

Regarding the "right" to judgement, I have a right to judge anything and anyone, based solely on my experiences and knowledge of that entity. This right is constrained only by my personal ability to form a judgement. The combination of personal knowledge and ability to assess that knowledge determines whether or not my judgement is made on reasonable grounds.

In that light, Marc, I judge you to be a hypocrite because you're judging us. You consistently present a double standard whereby you expect us to believe you but do not reciprocate.

IIRC, you are also a liar. Didn't you say, many posts ago, that you were going to leave?

If those were indeed your words, why did you not follow up and shake the proverbial dust from your heels?

Perhaps it's time for Ye Olde IP Blocke.

webmdave said...

Goodbye Marc.

Don't bother to dust your heels. You are kicked out!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you all feel that way. Have you read this book yet? I think you'll find that it has well-founded conclusions based on credible evidence.

I'm not sure that "UnboundedArrogance" really fits as I know that I'm quite deplorable.

We are all most certainly free to judge, nobody ever said otherwise. Hopefully we'll all choose to seek more virtuous things to do with our freedom. No?

Astreja said: "In that light, Marc, I judge you to be a hypocrite because you're judging us."

This is a very good point, but you should know that I'm not judging any of you personally. God, your creator, does that and I know that whatever you've done, it can be forgiven. Today, I'm just trying to share the amazing revelation of 1917. Since you have problems believing the Gospel, maybe a verifiable miracle will help lead you to the truth?

By the way Astreja, the body of Christ is the Church, made up of all those who have accepted Jesus. All its members being guided and directed by Christ the head. Because it is comprised of imperfect beings, humans, Christ's mystical body suffers very much, especially today because of the state of this world. You are in this world and by choosing to deter people from His Church, you are literally hurting Christ. I suspect that it may be even more hurtful to Christ when his own members are hurting him with grave sins.

This is why I choose to post, to protect others from the aridity of atheism and to hopefully reduce the suffering it causes our Lord. The reason I choose not to dust my heals is that the Internet is accessible to all "towns" of this world.

I'm now dusting my heals, until the next town (or in my case, until the next thread).

Take care,

Jim Arvo said...


Is there something that's unclear about "Goodbye"? Do you know what "kicked out" means?

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, the “miracle of our lady of Fatima,” where, on October 13, 1917, the "sun danced and bobbed in the sky" and the Virgin Mary appeared to reveal a three-part revelation about upcoming religious and political matters of the 20th century (including a mass conversion to Catholicism in Russia, for which we’re all waiting 100 years later).

Astronomers know that the sun did absolutely nothing out of the ordinary on that date. But a bunch of superstitious peasants, led on by the claims of hysterical children (cf. the Salem witchcraft trials of 1692) did – they stared at the sun for hours, which could well explain why some (by no means all) of them saw bright colors, visions of Mary (in some, but not all, of which she was dressed in clothing contemporary to the early 20th century), and other optical hallucinations.

Long before the Virgin supposedly spoke to her, fantasy-proned Lucia, the only one of the three children to survive into adulthood, reportedly had worried her family with tales of imaginary playmates. Among other things that Lucia later “revealed” as resulting from her 1917 visions was the Virgin Mary’s prophecy that the other children accompanying her in her claims would be called to heaven “soon.” (They both succumbed to flu in 1919.) Very telling that Lucia – who grew up to become a nun (obviously no pro-catholic bias there) – revealed this death prophecy only some 30 years after the fact!

In other words, the miracle of Fatima was bunk then and remains bunk now. So, Marc, I think it’s a good idea for you to take your heels as well as your “heals” to some site where you may find a more gullible audience. Ex-christians have already heard it all and we’re not going to be fooled by religious charlatans and hysterics again.

boomSLANG said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"You call yourselves 'enlightened,' yet you seem to ignore the fact that though Christians follow Christ, they're still human. Therefore, imperfect. As you are."

"Enlightened"? Nah, that's another about "intelligent", "aware", or "right"?

That's such a crap excuse about Christians not being perfect. God *commands* you to be as holy and righteous as possible, and yet a lot of Christians don't even TRY to distinguish themselves from their secular counterparts.

"You call yourself a christian but you do all the stuff listed above!"

That was exactly my point in writing this article, Christian!

"Seems like alot of bitterness has taken hold! Pray for God to release you from that and break the bondage of sin in your life!"

Bitter? No. Disgusted? Yes. Too many Christians think they can do whatever the !@#$ they want because they believe later they'll get off scot-free with their false "forgiveness". It makes many of them so much worse when it comes to morals and behavior because as long as they "pray" to their biblegod, they can get away with anything and not have to take much responsibility for it.

As for my "bondage of sin", I think Christians are the ones living in bondage. Me, I'm free to think for myself and do what *I* want based on MY RULES (which aren't ridiculous or contradictory, by the way).

Marc - god must be a real pussy if mere humans can cause a Perfect Being to "suffer".

Anonymous said...

I like this... I would also add, "you call yourself a Christian, and yet when talking to me, a non Christian, you mention how you don't think you could ever be friends with a Muslim, Hindu, gay, etc. and I come away with the impression that your religion is defined by your hatred and fear more than it is defined by your love."

Anonymous said...

I do call myself a Christian. I do not call myself perfect - not even near it. Calling myself a Christian means that I recognize that I need Christ because I'm not perfect. I am a sinner. I am guilty of all you say - and more! I confess it. I ask forgiveness. That is why I need Christ. Christ is perfect, and it is through him I am redeemed. It is to him that I look to lead a more perfect life, although because we are all born with a sin nature, we will not reach perfection in this life. Do not look to me or others to be a perfect examples of Christians. Do not look to any Christian - look to Christ. Even the bible says, "trust in no man". Look only to Christ for salvation. Popes, priests, ministers and any human being will fail us. And we will be disappointed when even our "Christian" friends let us down. Don't think for a minute that as a Christian I haven't been let down by other Christians. I most certainly have. And I am certain I have let others down. But through the power of Christ, and by keeping my eyes on Christ and on God's holy word, I recognize my failings and the failings of others, and try to practice what is hard for most of us, not just Christians - forgiveness! I remember that Christ's message is one of love and forgiveness. He loves you and me. He forgives you and me. Keep your eyes on Christ, not on the world and the failed people in it. Ask Christ to help you be more like him. You will find that being a Christian is a lifelong process of growth and understanding.

TheJaytheist said...

I asked christ to help me. He didn't help me. So I don't believe in him anymore.

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