Breaking Up With Jesus

A new free e-book by Amy Black entitled "Breaking Up With Jesus" chronicles her thoughts and experiences in de-conversion from Christianity. The book is in .pdf format, is 159 pages long, and is available for download at and here on ExChristian.Net. If you do download and read her story, please consider providing some feedback here or at Lulu.Com.

I have found that grieving the loss of my faith feels the same as when I grieve the loss of a friend. If you have found this to be true for yourself, don’t be embarrassed about it. Of course you are going to grieve when you lose something very important to you whether it is a person, a pet, a job, a home or a belief system. After any loss, there’s a hole in your life where something you loved used to be and it hurts knowing it’s not there. -- Amy Black, in "Breaking Up With Jesus"

Download: Breaking Up with Jesus


Anonymous said...

I broke up with Jesus because he never called or emailed...

YME said...

I can't relate. I never broke up with Jesus because I never was in love with him. It was more like I was being raped by Jesus. When I finally had the courage to stand up and fight back, it felt like my insane life had some kind of sanity. Like a large heavy pile of bricks were lifted off of me and things were much clearer.

It made me wonder why I hadn't done this before.

Anonymous said...

That is so true! De-conversion is a painful process for most people. I know it sure was for me. There definitely is a grieving phase involved, and an anger phase, and a few others that we go through until we are finally, really FREE. I don't know that I have "arrived" yet, but I'm a lot farther down that road than I used to be. Glory!

Anonymous said...


I've only read a few pages (so far) of your book, but already this part 'hit home' with me.

"It’s the conflict of natural curiosity and sexual exploration versus Pastor Tim who says, “Don’t have sex! Sex is bad! Don’t even think about it!” That conflict can cause a lot of unnecessary stress for a teenager who desperately wants to please God because it is virtually impossible to ignore your sexuality at that age"

As a boy growing up, the xtian parents who were around in our lives made it very clear to us that sex was a "DIRTY" thing. Of course the word '"dirty" translated into the word "forbidden" to us kids, and the more forbidden something was, the more appeal it seemed to have. It's like that "WET PAINT" sign, that beckons us to really find out if the paint is indeed wet or if the sign is fibbing.

While the message from the parents was clearly that sex was 'dirty' and as you say, we shouldn't even think about such things, let alone do them, no adult really ever told us that it was forbidden by god/jesus. After all, back in those days (60's) no priest or nun was about to broach the subject of sex in church, at least not with kids.

So while sexual feelings and/or engaging in any sexual activity, was made to feel forbidden by the adults, it wasn't until my late teens when a new xtian friend uttered a single word to me from the bible, that made me realize that the bible also thought sex before marriage was also 'dirty'. i.e. a huge sin.
That single revealing word was FORNICATION.

I recall looking up the word that same day I heard it, because I was sure my new friend was mistaken about what he thought this bible passage meant.
It made sense that the adults who were obviously reaping the benefits of having sex, wouldn't want us kids to enjoy what they saw as being something earned with growing into adulthood. It was in our mind, the same as smoking cigarettes or having a beer; something for adults only but irresistible for many kids.

After much thought on this newly discovered fornication matter, my teen mind concluded that it couldn't be a very serious sin, for if it were, then why did god give us teens intense sexual thoughts and feelings, along with functioning sexual apparatus to carry out those urges, with others. Why didn't such thoughts and functioning only start after one was an adult and ready for marriage etc..

Needless to say, this form of teenage reasoning won over the fear of fornication being a great sin, or at least I saw this sin now as being in the same category as perhaps telling a lie, but it surely didn't rank up there with killing or cussing god himself etc..

I suspect that even if I had concluded that sex was a really awful sin to god for teens to indulge in, that I would have just used the ole xtian back-up-plan of asking for forgiveness AFTER each sexual thought or event took place.

I have to believe things haven't changed all that much over the decades for teens.
I have to believe that teens who deeply believe in the bible and it's god, would still struggle with how to handle their over active hormones. Overactive hormones that their creator god decided was okay give them, but at the same time failed to offer a realistic way to control the urges these flowing hormones create.

The guilt these xtian kids feel from having these urges, surely results in their fear of planning-ahead to have sexual relations, for then god would see it as premeditated, and that has to be a greater sin to god than a spur of the moment, mindless, hormone driven impulse to cave-into the pressure to go with one's sexual feelings (and beg for forgiveness later on).
One could then make a claim to god that it was a moment of hormone driven insanity rather than being planned well in advance by a decisive intentional wish to engage in sexual activity.

Is it any wonder why this fornication 'sin' results in xtian teens having unprepared sex and the resulting sometimes pregnancies that goes with this territory?

Do fundie xtians really believe that instilling the guilt feelings of committing fornication, will really stop even a god-worshipping teen from living without any sexual activity until the day they say 'I DO' at the alter?

It sure didn't work for 90% of the kids I grew up with, so what makes today's fudie parents think that something in the very nature of teens has changed over the years, that will protect their own brood in the sexual teenage arena?

ATF (who finds it hard to believe now, that I once upon a time felt the guilt of this mythical god-law of fornication)

Aspentroll said...

I would think that a lot of those poor individuals with missing limbs have also broken up with Jaybus.

One can only imagine the number of prayers that have not been answered by the great god of the sky about just about everything that fundies pray for. I tend to think that it will stay that way until god grows them some arms and legs, cures cancer and all of the world's problems.

It shouldn't be too tough for this "loving guy in the sky",
with all his powers, should it? But then....maybe he's not there and never has been.

Anonymous said...

I broke up with Jayzus cause he, like his preachers, regularly fucked me and then abandoned me. The only time I ever got anything close to 'comfort' from that asshole was when I fooled myself into believing his abusive, manipulating lies, just ONE MORE TIME... hoping the next time would be different. He's a fucking liar.

Anonymous said...

I broke up with Jesus after serving him for 27 years as a fundalmentalist Christian. And I have to admit, after I discovered how flawed the bible was, it wasn't so hard for me to leave the Church. My entire foundation was the bible, and once that was taken away and shown to be not the workd of a god, but of man, I found my deconversion easy.

Anonymous said...

Like atheistmommy, I can't relate either.

My time spent in the church was more less me seeking after a crutch to help me feel better about my past failures and the recent losses that I had at the time. I was empty inside and needed something to help me feel better about myself, and Jesus sounded like the antidote, so I gave him a try.

After 8 years of no victories and struggling in the faith, I found that my problems had grown increasingly worse. Nobody in the faith had the answers. "Just keep praying or I'll pray for you, have faith, and Jesus loves you", which is a statement that makes me want to puke every time I hear it.

And for those christian trolls that post on here, just to let you know my let downs in regards to the faulty christian belief system were a result of believing scripture in the "Holy Bible", which I have found to be nothing but a book full of lies, false hopes, and propaganda. Not so much what some fundy idiot said. It was the bible were I found the lies.

When I tested reality against the bible, I found that reality was truth and the bible was nothing more than a lie, so I took both of my bibles and burned them.

Today, life is still not perfect, however it is getting better, and it feels good to start seeing victories in my life again after constant defeat living as a christian for 8 years.

Some of you may wonder why Poltergoost is such an angry person. I am angry not because of not having Jesus in my life anymore, I am angry because of the damage that was done by the lies of the christian faith along with it's deceit. I am angered to see people enlsave themselves to a false god named Jesus, and to cram their belief system on others who do not conform or submit to it's beliefs.

I am angered because those 8 years that I was busy chasing Jesus should've been years that I was out chasing my dreams instead. Those were 8 precious years that were thrown away chasing after a Mythical God who failed to make himself real to me, and comfort me.

I consider most christians to be nothing more than brain washed cult members, and the people who were the authors of the bible were nothing more than spiritual con artists who thought Jesus/God was telling them to write something when in fact they were voicing their opinions of who and what they thought God wanted, or what he had to say.

The bible is nothing more than man's point of view of who and what God/Jesus is suppose to be. No christian can prove that the bible is the word of god. Not even scripture itself can prove it. If God is the true author of the bible than I say let him come forth and prove it himself. I do not listen to what any christian fool has to say or anything the bible has to say.

I don't give a damn about what any christian says, I refuse to go back to the christian cult and be brain washed only to sacrifice my victories just to please your stupid God and slave master named Jesus.

Jesus can kiss my ass.


Anonymous said...

Just to add to my previous post, when I got rid of Jesus, there was no empty feelings inside. There was relief instead.

It feels so good being able to make a decision for myself without having to feel obligated to pray about making the decision first.

It also feels good not having to worry about having to read the bible and pray on a daily basis.

Being free from the christian cult feels good indeed.

Freedom In Christ is nothing more than slavery, and living in bondage.

Being able to think for yourself, and rely on your own intellectual thinking is true freedom.

No matter what you believe, every person is going to make mistakes from time to time. It's part of being human.

Not even christians are immune to making mistakes.

So don't ever let some christian fundy tell you that not having Jesus in your life is only going to lead to self-destruction by making bad mistakes.

Making mistakes is a reality for every single living being on this planet, no matter what you believe.

Believing in a False God named "Jesus" will not prevent anyone from making mistakes in life.


hereticzero said...

I broke up with Jesus after a 51 year love affair and did not shed one tear of regret. I even preached that stuff for over 20 years. Then I had to start studiing for a Masters in religious education. I learned the Christian history and how the bible came into being and with more and more evidence piling up--especially the Catholic evangelism of lying about anything and everything in order to further the cause of Christianity. Then there were the fellow xtns always crying and harrassing me about how my life was never good enough for God and how my life as a Christian was never good enough for god, and how my wife and family were not good enough for god. I like to make my own wine and beer and herbal medicines. I was called an alcoholic and a witch. Well, that was just too much for me.

I haven't shed one friggin tear over leaving a bunch of losers and embracing reality for a change. It is a gasp of fresh air to be free of the restraints of the murderous, blackmailing, adulterous, phoney, lying, egotistical, and narcisstic religion such as Christianity. The only way to save this world is to defeat the power grab religion has on our society and restore liberty to live totally as one chooses to live.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you all the way Hereticzero!

I know exactly how you feel. I got so sick and tired of hearing how "I deserve to burn in hell, and what a sinner I am".

It really pisses me off anytime someone who has had a hard life and lots of pain gets told, "You should thank god that you aren't getting what you truly deserve, which is eternal damnation".

Now I realize that not all christians make those types of comments, however I have always had a real problem with a "so called loving god" cursing the whole entire world, including past, present, and future generations of people for the sins of Adam and Eve.

It seems just being born into this world is a sin itself. How in the hell am I guilty for a past sin that was committed thousands of years ago by 2 people who I have only heard of?

I can't believe that I actually bought into that bullshit one time.


imaginary sky daddy said...

Poltergoost said:

"I can't believe that I actually bought into that bullshit at one time."

ISD says:

I second that!

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