Image by giveawayboy via FlickrDear Jesus,
Hi. You probably won't remember me, but I use to be a member of your body on earth. I know you've seen millions of folks come and go and I was nobody special that you would have noticed me. Most of the time I just did the minimum stuff that all of the other guys were doing (i.e.; praying, believing, tithing, fearing,..etc,etc...). That's why I feel so awkward ask for a special favor from you. I only devoted around 30 years of my life to serving and believing in you, so it is pretty brazen of me to expect you to do anything for me...
But still, I'm thinking to myself; "Oh, what the hell. All He can say is- "NO!" So, here goes....
Will you please, please, PLEASE hurry and rapture your church to heaven? Come get them RIGHT NOW! Don't wait another minute, day or year. Do it...Clap your hands..blow the horn...twinkle your eye...WHATEVER it is that your gonna do, do it and do it NOW!
The rest of us down here will be happy to clean up all of the plane crashes and train wrecks and burning houses. We do that stuff everyday anyway and we don't mind the extra work if it means that your friends are our of our way.
You see, we are trying to build a durable society and your friends are making it impossible to get anything done. Every time we put together a few good ideas (i.e.; evolution, equal rights, rational thinking, etc...) your team throws everything they possess towards stopping us from implementing our solutions. WE CAN'T GET ANY WORK DONE because your friends only care about getting to heaven and can't wait to see THIS world go down the shitter.
I know you're a smart guy and you understand my point. So, c'mon...please just cut us some slack down here and 'git er dun'.
Thanks....oh, and say hi to your mom and dad.