Fun with Fundies

By WizenedSage

Fighting the forces of faith with reason is very tiring, and sometimes seems so hopeless. Yet, recent surveys show that the percentage of Americans who call themselves non-religious is increasing. We are making progress.

The following quotations have been found on various WEB sites. While they may give the impression that the level of Christian ignorance has reached the hopeless level, please remember that these quotations come from the dimmest of the dim; the truly hopeless must be only a small fraction of all practicing Christians. After all, most of the ex-Christians who regularly contribute to this site are clearly very intelligent. I offer the following quotations merely for comic relief; do not allow them to dishearten you. Oh, and need I say, “You can’t make this stuff up!”?

“To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.”

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]
”god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.”

“How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys. heres a few questions for people who beleive that
  1. If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
  2. Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
  3. Do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years?
  4. How come we can't speak monkey?”

“What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?” [offered by LittleLambofJesus]

“I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc”

“If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol “ [Gods Soldier seems to think this is a laughing matter]

[Replying to 'As for not seeing evolution, it takes several million years... in case you missed that memo...']
”several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys don't live several million years.“

“I can sum it all up in three words. Evolution is a lie.”

[about a girl being born with mental disabilities]
”This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god. if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state. Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this. God tests every one of us.” [by The Saved]

“No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship Satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are a different sect of Muslims.”

“Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.”

“Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims. Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d dissolve. So much for the theory of evolution. Check MATE!”

“A missionary I know watched a bullet headed for him do a RIGHT ANGLE before it got to him.” [Is there anything this guy won’t believe?]

“If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.”

[When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]
”I don't have to "prove" anything. You see, I have this wonderful thing called “faith” and with that I have no need of proof.”

[on why God had to have written the Bible]
”But think about it, who is smart enough to write the Holy Bible? The answer, no one. How could people back then have written words with such intellegence? We were not very educated back then, we all know. So tell me, how could people back ages ago could have written the bible?”

“God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published.”

[by Shelby Corbitt – see Amazon for the book 2007. Yes, it was published. One reviewer had this to say, ‘Book turned out to be accurate and helpful! The Rapture came as promised! Thanks Shelby Corbitt!’]


webmdave said...

How is this? Is this enough wine? Of course, it becomes a drunken bar scene and Judas wastes some good wine.

More? I'm sure I can't find something where it is flowing. Give me time.

webmdave said...

I would only agree to sit at a "heavenly dinner table with Jesus" if he turned plenty of water into good wine (my favorite Jesus miracle)!

Ignorant fundy statement no. 666 and counting: "AIDS is god's punishment for homosexuality." (For all those who got it from your mother in the womb, from blood transfusions, etc., i guess that was just "collateral damage.")

webmdave said...

Not everything has to be practical to be enjoyed. I was sad when my Latin teacher retired. I enjoyed it. And, Latin helped me very much on English vocab tests. Pretty sure that's why I was such a high scorer in English on my SATs.

I enjoyed reading The Iliad, The Odyssey, Dante's Inferno. I just found them fascinating. But, I love to read, and do it often just for fun.

As for the kids, one made a Labrador-sized Cerberus out of papier mache', and the other, a Medusa full-head mask that she wore for Halloween. Not at all practical, but we had a good time.

webmdave said...

Given the abundance of popular science books (and science being taught even to pre-schoolers!), I'm really tired of the notion that science is an insiders' club, especially when it's used as an excuse to run your mouth about something you have no clue about. Taking the acid quote for example: vinegar is an acid and people eat it, many if not all fruits contain acid, your soda contains acid, etc.; calling something an acid has a PRECISE meaning (the whole point of our "complex terminology"), not a meaning intended to confuse the layman.

webmdave said...

Dear, Dang, Delicious, Damn, Delightful, Dumb -- depends on the day, lol... ;-)


webmdave said...

Lisa, I have a classical education and mostly consider it to have been a waste of time. Nothing practically usable came from all the time spent on it.

However... we spent so much time reading and analyzing Roman and Greek and stories that the christian myths looked, in comparison, pale and boring. And were just that: myths, not revealed truth.

I still have the myth books from school. I hadn't considered it yet, but yes, they *would* make great bedtime reading stories for children. And as a side effect maybe would also prepare them for a time when others try to impress and convert them with other (christian, muslim, etc.) myths.


webmdave said...

I've seen these all before somewhere....

Anyways.... I'll sum all the quotes up in two words.

Chuck. Norris.

- TORM (Who stares at books for no reason)

webmdave said...

Oh Mriana, thou materialistic wretch, there is so much more in life than just working for a financial reward here on earth. Think of all the rewards she will reap in heaven, where neither thieves nor worms can touch it!

Every soul she saves goes into her heavenly credit account! And when at the end of times the balance is made up... oh, the glory of being allowed to sit at the same heavenly dinner table with Jesus!


webmdave said...

Yeah, at the expense of driving people to suicide. *rolling eyes*

webmdave said...

Actually, the preacher at my late grandmother's church, the same one who helped to drive one of my step-cousins to suicide, has two jobs- her preacher job and a regular job, because the preaching doesn't pay. I don't know why she stays in it, esp when they don't pay her enough, except that she truly believes what she pushes on others.

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