Fun with Fundies

By WizenedSage

Fighting the forces of faith with reason is very tiring, and sometimes seems so hopeless. Yet, recent surveys show that the percentage of Americans who call themselves non-religious is increasing. We are making progress.

The following quotations have been found on various WEB sites. While they may give the impression that the level of Christian ignorance has reached the hopeless level, please remember that these quotations come from the dimmest of the dim; the truly hopeless must be only a small fraction of all practicing Christians. After all, most of the ex-Christians who regularly contribute to this site are clearly very intelligent. I offer the following quotations merely for comic relief; do not allow them to dishearten you. Oh, and need I say, “You can’t make this stuff up!”?

“To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible.”

[Talking about an eleven year old girl who was raped and then buried alive]
”god was sacrificing this child as a way to show others the light. much as he did his own child. what a beautiful gift he has given us.”

“How can anyone beleive we evolved from monkeys. heres a few questions for people who beleive that
  1. If we did evolve from monkeys then how come babies arent born monkeys
  2. Even Darwin said his theories were wrong before he died so why do you still believe them
  3. Do you really not believe the bible it says we were created in seven days not millions of years?
  4. How come we can't speak monkey?”

“What does a functioning brain have to do with the Bible?” [offered by LittleLambofJesus]

“I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc”

“If u have sex before marriage then in Gods eyes u are married to that person if a man rapes a woman in Gods eyes they are married it sucks for the girl but what can we do lol “ [Gods Soldier seems to think this is a laughing matter]

[Replying to 'As for not seeing evolution, it takes several million years... in case you missed that memo...']
”several million years for a monkey to turn into a man. oh wait thats right. monkeys don't live several million years.“

“I can sum it all up in three words. Evolution is a lie.”

[about a girl being born with mental disabilities]
”This girl is like a leper so what she needs to do is try and find god. if she really believes she can be healed from this state, she will be healed from this state. Most afflictions like this are caused by sins committed while still inside the womb. If she can repent for what she does god will embrace her and make her as human as you or me but if she chooses not to she'll always be like this. God tests every one of us.” [by The Saved]

“No, everyone is born Christian. Only later in life do people choose to stray from Jesus and worship Satan instead. Atheists have the greatest "cover" of all, they insist they believe in no god yet most polls done and the latest research indicates that they are a different sect of Muslims.”

“Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that's just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it's not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn't the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.”

“Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims. Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we’d dissolve. So much for the theory of evolution. Check MATE!”

“A missionary I know watched a bullet headed for him do a RIGHT ANGLE before it got to him.” [Is there anything this guy won’t believe?]

“If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.”

[When asked to prove the existence of a soul, in order to validate his claim that life begins at conception]
”I don't have to "prove" anything. You see, I have this wonderful thing called “faith” and with that I have no need of proof.”

[on why God had to have written the Bible]
”But think about it, who is smart enough to write the Holy Bible? The answer, no one. How could people back then have written words with such intellegence? We were not very educated back then, we all know. So tell me, how could people back ages ago could have written the bible?”

“God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published.”

[by Shelby Corbitt – see Amazon for the book 2007. Yes, it was published. One reviewer had this to say, ‘Book turned out to be accurate and helpful! The Rapture came as promised! Thanks Shelby Corbitt!’]

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