"OK, listen and listen good. I AM NOT ANGRY WITH GOD YOU SIMPLE-MINDED MOTHER-F@#%ER!" This is what I want to respond with every time one of my Christian friends explains what is really going on in my head. The following is copied straight from an e-mail I recently received:
"Caleb, I am most concerned about the fragility of your heart and soul. I believe you are angry with God because of your current circumstances, and I am praying for the Lord to provide a way out, but only if you want it. Just like He says- if you are a believer- He won’t give you anything beyond what you can bear. He is waiting for you, all you have to do is call on Him, test Him and see if the floodgates do not come wide open. I will personally be held accountable for your soul so please understand these are things I must do. I will not hound you, but know that I love you and pray for you daily..."
Now I know it all sounds well-meaning enough, but this person is always looking for a circumstance in my life that would show I'm better off with God. I don't get it. I mean worse shit happened to me when I was a believer. I used to get so upset wondering why God had forsaken me. I wondered why "He" wouldn't just move on my behalf. I secretly used to think I wasn't good enough, but now what should I think? Is the God of Love, the God that is Love, you know "love" like 1 Corinthians says is not jealous, and keeps no record of wrong. Is the God of Love gonna screw up my life to get me back to him? How messed up is that reasoning? You know the bible even says that God sends his rain on the righteous and the unrighteous alike. How clever, "He's" got all his bases covered then.
My wife recently miscarried what would have been our third child. About three months before this happened, I became an atheist. It was very upsetting at first, but for the first time in my life, I didn't get all distraught and depressed wondering why God allowed this to happen. I remember realizing..."dude, stuff like this just happens! It sucks, but I am still very lucky especially when compared to what life has brought many others. I have two healthy boys, and a beautiful wife." On top of that, I am healthy too.
My wife works in pediatric oncology at MD Anderson, one of the nations leading cancer hospitals. I've visited there. I've seen the hands dealt other people. I've seen the parents praying over their dying child to no avail. I know I am very lucky.
As a Christian I was taught that God rewards those that seek Him, and that God works all things out for the good of those that serve Him. That really made hard times even more difficult to endure. I mean where is the good in so many things that happen to God's supposed children. And this brings me to my point. I am not angry with God, because I know that "He" doesn't exist. However, if God was real, and I still believed in Him, wouldn't it be very selfish, arrogant, and indifferent to my fellow man if I wasn't raging with anger towards God? I mean seriously, even if my own life was great, look at all the stuff that the "all-powerful God" allows to happen. Billions have died in wars, genocides, and terrorist attacks. Millions of innocent children and adults have died of severe agonizing and debilitating diseases. Millions of people are physically and mentally handicapped from birth or accidents in life. Crime against the innocent runs rampant in our society. We are plagued with parent-less children, homeless people, and drug addicts. Not to mention that we can't trust our own government half the time. Then, the mother of all of it... HELL! One thing I like to emphasize to my Christian friends is the issue of love. I mean, if we see some psycho on TV talking about how he killed his wife because he loved her. You know the stories where the killer says that his wife / girlfriend was gonna leave him, and he couldn't let her do that, because he loved her? Therefore, he killed her. Everyone knows that's not real love, but isn't that what God does? If someone doesn't love Him or accept Him, He sends them to hell. I thought love kept no record of wrong, and was not jealous. Yet the bible - described "jealous God" that is also love, sure seems to hate those that reject Him.
If God was real, then it would be our duty as humans to be angry with him. I mean, "He" definitely has some f@#%king explaining to do right?
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