How Do I Celebrate the Holidays?
by Marlene Winell
Christian or not, the holidays can be a time to slow down and consider what’s really important. Since a controlling religion provides rigid guidelines for so many areas of thinking and behaving, believers can be used to having a passive approach in life. Yet, we cannot avoid the bald truth that we are making decisions all the time, even when we are conforming. Emerging from the haze of religious group-think brings into view the existential human challenge of self-responsibility. We have to accept that we are meaning-creating creatures. This is of course both frightening and deliciously exciting and freeing.
So what are we to make of Christmas? First of all, the holiday has little to do with Jesus’ birth. As Valerie Tarico explains, “the Catholic Church chose December 25th (Winter Solstice in the Julian Calendar) to honor the birthday of the Christ for a very specific reason: It was already a well loved holiday -- a time of revelry, gift giving, and yes, celebrating the birthdays of gods.” Her article from last year, "Is it ok to celebrate Christmas even if you're not a Christian?" goes on to give more historical information that is well worth reading. There are pagan sources for many of our most loved traditions of the season.
Last year, I found it important to explore the meaning of Christmas by looking at the archetype of the child (What Child Is This?) . It makes sense to me that so many people, not just Christians, find the image of a child inspirational, symbolizing innocence, hope, simplicity, and wonder. The tale of Jesus’ birth is interesting in many ways, e.g., a poor family facing hardship while travelling and giving birth in a stable where wealthy noblemen come to give homage.
So, Christian or not, the holidays can be a time to slow down and consider what’s really important. My invitation to you is to experience the season with awareness and choice. You can reject what you want and take part in what you want. You don’t have to go to church, nor do you have to spend a lot of money on presents. Do you like the pagan tradition of having a tree or decorating with fragrant evergreen garlands? Do you enjoy candles or a yule log in your winter fireplace? How about yummy food and Christmas cookies? Music and singing and special events? Nutcracker, The Messiah, or A Christmas Carol?
My favorite part is having contact with family and long-time friends that I don’t see often. I love sending and receiving cards and newsletters from folks scattered all over – it makes me feel connected and grounded. If I do get together with family, I enjoy playing with little kids. Perhaps you enjoy the simple pleasure of taking some time off. Even if you do nothing Christmassy, the shops are closed and you can curl up with a good book. The point is that it is up to you. Reclaim your holiday and enjoy it.
I realize that Christmas can be tense if you are with family that are still devout believers. Whether or not you have “come out” to them, this can be difficult. At another time, I’d like to discuss in more detail ways to navigate family relationships. For now, may I simply suggest that you relate to them strictly on a human level. To the extent that it is possible in your situation, ignore the religion. That may sound funny, but the truth is that believers live in parallel universes of what they consider “spiritual reality” and everyday physical reality.
If you’ve been there, you will understand this, and you know that it is possible to focus on the present and the concrete. Most importantly, you can concentrate on human feelings and express the love you have for your family. You can look past any piousness and realize that they too have been victimized by a powerful system. Enjoy the fact that you don’t have to be Christian to be generous, giving, and joyful. Who knows? Perhaps by letting your light shine, you can be a witness ☺
Note: This will be a topic for the next conference call of the virtual support/therapy group, “Release and Reclaim” on Dec. 6. Contact Dr. Winell for information about this group and visit her website at www.marlenewinell.net.
Christian or not, the holidays can be a time to slow down and consider what’s really important. Since a controlling religion provides rigid guidelines for so many areas of thinking and behaving, believers can be used to having a passive approach in life. Yet, we cannot avoid the bald truth that we are making decisions all the time, even when we are conforming. Emerging from the haze of religious group-think brings into view the existential human challenge of self-responsibility. We have to accept that we are meaning-creating creatures. This is of course both frightening and deliciously exciting and freeing.
So what are we to make of Christmas? First of all, the holiday has little to do with Jesus’ birth. As Valerie Tarico explains, “the Catholic Church chose December 25th (Winter Solstice in the Julian Calendar) to honor the birthday of the Christ for a very specific reason: It was already a well loved holiday -- a time of revelry, gift giving, and yes, celebrating the birthdays of gods.” Her article from last year, "Is it ok to celebrate Christmas even if you're not a Christian?" goes on to give more historical information that is well worth reading. There are pagan sources for many of our most loved traditions of the season.
Last year, I found it important to explore the meaning of Christmas by looking at the archetype of the child (What Child Is This?) . It makes sense to me that so many people, not just Christians, find the image of a child inspirational, symbolizing innocence, hope, simplicity, and wonder. The tale of Jesus’ birth is interesting in many ways, e.g., a poor family facing hardship while travelling and giving birth in a stable where wealthy noblemen come to give homage.
So, Christian or not, the holidays can be a time to slow down and consider what’s really important. My invitation to you is to experience the season with awareness and choice. You can reject what you want and take part in what you want. You don’t have to go to church, nor do you have to spend a lot of money on presents. Do you like the pagan tradition of having a tree or decorating with fragrant evergreen garlands? Do you enjoy candles or a yule log in your winter fireplace? How about yummy food and Christmas cookies? Music and singing and special events? Nutcracker, The Messiah, or A Christmas Carol?
My favorite part is having contact with family and long-time friends that I don’t see often. I love sending and receiving cards and newsletters from folks scattered all over – it makes me feel connected and grounded. If I do get together with family, I enjoy playing with little kids. Perhaps you enjoy the simple pleasure of taking some time off. Even if you do nothing Christmassy, the shops are closed and you can curl up with a good book. The point is that it is up to you. Reclaim your holiday and enjoy it.
I realize that Christmas can be tense if you are with family that are still devout believers. Whether or not you have “come out” to them, this can be difficult. At another time, I’d like to discuss in more detail ways to navigate family relationships. For now, may I simply suggest that you relate to them strictly on a human level. To the extent that it is possible in your situation, ignore the religion. That may sound funny, but the truth is that believers live in parallel universes of what they consider “spiritual reality” and everyday physical reality.
If you’ve been there, you will understand this, and you know that it is possible to focus on the present and the concrete. Most importantly, you can concentrate on human feelings and express the love you have for your family. You can look past any piousness and realize that they too have been victimized by a powerful system. Enjoy the fact that you don’t have to be Christian to be generous, giving, and joyful. Who knows? Perhaps by letting your light shine, you can be a witness ☺
Note: This will be a topic for the next conference call of the virtual support/therapy group, “Release and Reclaim” on Dec. 6. Contact Dr. Winell for information about this group and visit her website at www.marlenewinell.net.
Comments
There is one very fun (for me) thing I do each and every xmas. I admit it -- I am a complete sucker for Tacky Christmas Lights and love to drive around ooohing and aahhhhing over them. Here's one of my favorites a few miles from my home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JfdHO0-538
I offer no apologies for my own shallowness ..... lol
8-)
BP
Also, you have my sympathies with the Christmas music and decor. It takes about three days for me to overdose on the music - and that's with limiting the stores I go to. Any retail worker who has to listen to Christmas music for more than a week deserves hazard pay.
Because we start in with the xmas crap in late July and xmas music the day after Thanksgiving, I don't do anything at home because I'm so over it and I need a xmas-free zone in my life.
I do admit to getting a real pine and juniper wreath from Trader Joe's (only $11.99, less than our fake ones on sale!) for the piney smell, which I obviously don't get at work; we just have those awful cinnamon pine cones, which I will spare you my rant about. grr.
With its cooler (if not downright cold) weather and shortest days, this is a time of year we try to slow our lives down and enjoy the stillness of nature. If life slows down in nature, perhaps it's good for us humans as well. Typically, at least for the last twenty years or so, my wife and I have spent these holidays camping. It is a great way to get away from the crowds (here in the sunbelt) and enjoy some quiet. This will be our first holiday trip with my wife retired, so we will celebrate by spending at least a week along the coast. If we do nothing but chat, read, drink hot chocolate and watch dolphins it will be time well spent.
No mater how you spend these holidays, whether you celebrate or not, I wish all a wonderful time.
With its cooler (if not downright cold) weather and shortest days, this is a time of year we try to slow our lives down and enjoy the stillness of nature. If life slows down in nature, perhaps it's good for us humans as well. Typically, at least for the last twenty years or so, my wife and I have spent these holidays camping. It is a great way to get away from the crowds (here in the sunbelt) and enjoy some quiet. This will be our first holiday trip with my wife retired, so we will celebrate by spending at least a week along the coast. If we do nothing but chat, read, drink hot chocolate and watch dolphins it will be time well spent.
No mater how you spend these holidays, whether you celebrate or not, I wish all a wonderful time.
We move our celebration to the weekend after Christmas.
We have lots of food (of course) and presents for the kids. We give generous birthday gifts to our grown kids and their husbands, and skip December gifts to splurge on the kids.
No tree, but our foster grandson has one at his house. We cut out and decorate cookies with the little guy, because it's fun and they are delicious. We play games, and play with whatever toys have been given to the kids (well this will be the first holiday with two kids).
Not sure what my daughter will do about a tree when the baby is older and everybody else has one. We had one when the kids were little--and a menorah that their Nana had sent them.
Christmas is pretty hard for kids to ignore. What other holiday, religious or secular, takes over stores, radio stations, school art projects and music classes, Muzak, TV, newspaper and magazine ads, and their friends' imaginations for two months out of every year?
I do send out Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings cards because I get a lot of cards from friends and family and this is the only time some of us keep in touch.
This year I bought a few Merry Christmas cards to send to those relatives who have let me know that they are insulted by "holiday" cards. Meh. I'm not going to explain myself to every distant cousin and great aunt. Let them have their Christmas greetings.
This year I am enclosing a photo of our 10-month-old grandbaby in the cards. (See, that's the real reason I send cards. Mini grandma brag books.)
Reminds me of when we would camp, build up a big fire, get out the guitars and just start singing. People camping all around would hear us and come join in, bringing their lawn chairs and coolers and marshmallows to toast. We'd learn some new songs, teach others a a few songs, and have a great time.
Reminds me of when we would camp, build up a big fire, get out the guitars and just start singing. People camping all around would hear us and come join in, bringing their lawn chairs and coolers and marshmallows to toast. We'd learn some new songs, teach others a a few songs, and have a great time.
Sounds like you enjoy the faking! Well done!
Sounds like you enjoy the faking! Well done!
It's always beautifully green here though, and one of the advantages of a wet climate is that it does lower the number of doorstep religious nutters.
I'm busy revising for an end of semester exam at the moment and will be glad when next Monday is over and can relax and start planning the Polish and the British festivities that my family indulges in during Saturnalia. The presents are bought and wrapped and I am looking forward to giving them to friends and family.
Have a great one,
David
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